|Reviews for The Hospital|
| Autumn's Last Curse chapter 6 . 11/5/2008
People don't do things because they're right. They do them because they want what they want... Definately true, and anyone who states otherwise is a liar. What does the narrator want? Is he doing what's right? Saving the kid who tried raping some girl because he pitited his mother, it felt right, because it was what he wanted...
Enough of my rants... I LOVE this story, one of my favourites on fp so far... The repetitive use of self-contradiction gets a bit old: once or twice can sound deep and cause thoughts, but too many times and you become blazeed. Other than a few easily corrected grammatical errors, I love the style, the whimsical, real, quiet feel of this story. The narrator just doesn't seem to care. He might, about his son, but otherwise, his world seems to mean nothing to him. Hope you update more though. Thanks for writing this, I very much enjoyed reading it.
| Sonny Bain chapter 1 . 7/19/2006
Very Palahnuik. “You’re chances of survival are whatever you make of them,” Automatically, all I registered was " Fight Club " Did I say it was a bad thing? No. Anyway, I thought this story had some class. I've tried writing like this many times, you can check out my work on my profile. I just can't get the flow when writing in first person. Unfortunatly, first person is the only form I can write.
| method acting chapter 4 . 6/23/2006
You write in a sort of tired way. Weary, maybe. You don't go in a rush to say what needs to be said, but the reader can catch a glimpse of that under the surface. I liked four the best. It reminds me of of Jonathan Lethem, the style. Easy, slow, and always hinting at something. Always making you think. Clever. I like it.
| John Pensi chapter 4 . 6/19/2006
Good overall. Chapter 4 was your best.
It's funny to see Palahnuik's influence on your writing. As I commented earlier tonight, he writes like someone speaking. Your style is very much the same. There's also some humor in seeing the personal aspects of your life that are in the story.
I like the thing with the mouse trap a lot. It flowed very well.
I think you use italics far too often. I understand that you want to stress certain words, words that you would have a verbal emphasis on if you were speaking. But you're writing now and the overuse devalues them. When a reader sees italics every other line, his eyes tend to ignore them. They don't stand out as something significant, something that catches the reader's eye and throws off his rythmn, which is what they're usually intended to do.
Also, in chapter four, I'm not really sure what you're trying to do with jumping in between checking up on Baker and surgery on the boy. I understand you're experimenting with different writing styles though. I just don't see the point or think that it flows well.
Anyways, good work. Keep writing. I hope to read more when you come back.
| Qu33n of Spades chapter 4 . 6/18/2006
Hey, I've been waiting for an update... sorry I haven't reviewed the first three chapters, but I read them all very stealthily during english class, and wasn't able to review. I just wanted to let you know that I'm really into this. I like the way your main character explains his philosophies (as I'm going to call them), and I like the... episodic feel to each chapter. Looking forward to reading more!
| method acting chapter 3 . 5/25/2006
You write with an aire of...experiance? The formatting is kind of out of wack...maybe it's bias, but I don't dig it. I mean, sometimes-with the whole mouse trap bit, it worked...but at other times it threw off the flow. Thanks for your reviews, I'm glad to hear from you.