|Reviews for Blow Pop Chew|
| Adanska chapter 1 . 1/12/2007
*claps* I liked this. The repitition (can't spell . ) worked really well, as did the open-ended plot.
| Polished Gem chapter 1 . 6/19/2006
You want my opinion on what I think is happening? I think she's on a standing outside the window looking in figuratively. She's seeing the world go on around her but for Jamie, time has just stopped. She's numb. She doesn't want to feel. There're flashes of happiness in each of the cars, of people living their lives and not really noticing the lone girl on the bench, and when they do, they think nothing of her. They're absorbed in their happiness (hence the standing outside of the window). In one way I think that she longs to be back in the brightness, the happiness and the sociality, but another part of her wants to sit seperate and Blow. Pop. Chew. I'm thinking that someone really close to her died, like a guy friend or a boyfriend since the boy at school knows what's going on with her. He obviously has some background on the situation so I think that the person is also someone he might have known casually because he does state that no train could possibly take her to him or him to her. And her mother doesn't quite understand how hard she's grieving so it makes it hard for Jamie to be around her. She just needed some time to sit and think or just be numb and the bus stop seemed to be the best place at the time. And then the boy began to pester her and it bugged her at first. I like the way you made her oppressed by the silence after he stopped talking. You have a good grasp of human nature and feelings. I think this guy was the bridge that brought her back to realizing how important being with other people and being social was. And I like the way you added in how she didn't want the gum anymore. It's like figurative throwing out the old mood and slightly depressed feelings. Besides, the chewing was sort of like an action that kept her busy so she didn't have to think about moving to the turning point. So that's what I think. Wow. Sorry. You're probably getting tired of reading this review. Just know that it's good enough that you inspired me to spew out all that crap. Just thought I'd add a bit of CC too. In some sentences, I thought that certain words would have been more effective than the ones you used. You started off with Blow. Pop. Chew. And then you said Jamie chewed her gum. I don't think that you should say that outright. The blow, pop, chew is pretty self explanatory and you could clinch it by saying something like "Jamie went cross-eyed, watching as the pink bubble expanded in front of her nose" or something along those lines, although I'm sure that you could word it ten-times better than me, seeing from the piece of work that I just read. Also, that part where you said that Jamie pushed a few strands behind her ears and the wind pulled them back out again, I'd use a word more like stirred than pulled because it evokes more imagery. Other than that, excellent piece. Sorry for pulling out the little nitty gritty things but I enjoyed the piece so much that I read it in depth. Now I'm going to go before this review gets so super long that you can't stand to read it anymore...lol. Great stuff and thanks for R&Ring mine, btw.
| Shara G chapter 1 . 6/13/2006
Even though this is your first short story, it's pretty good. All the scenes flowed nicely so it's like watching a movie. As for what's going on with Jamie, I think that her parents divorced, and she is waiting for her dad in the bus stop? IF he would ever come that is. Well that's what it seemed, so correct me if I'm wrong. Also Brian is such a nice character, and I like his line: “Wanting and doing are two different things, Jamie,” Brian told her. “Are you doing what you want?” It's full of meaning.
Keep on writing! :)
| TangledEyelashes chapter 1 . 5/25/2006
I really like this story. I watched it play out in my head. Excellent!