An interesting point of view, that of the characters in a novel. Smooth it out a little, but don't loose it's wistful feeling.

phantom_jedi

Hello. Dit is Daniel; Ik ben een vriend van Noll. Dit gedicht was zeer gevoels en speciaal. Uw woordenschat maakt me gelukkig. Ik hield vooral van de lijn derde van de bodem. Kussen kostbare. x

Wonderful poem - you create a great atmosphere. I love the first line, but it's well ended too. Thank you for the lovely review )

And keep writing!

x

Love the first line with all my fat little whole theme is cool too; makes me think of that Shakespeare quote, y'know:'All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances' etc

Woah, this is good. "Finite". It's powerful too. Deep. Heh, generally what makes a good poem! Keep it up.

Now off to check out your others...

one of my faves, i like the theatre thing. iz xx

Wow. That was great, especially the last stanza.I don't know if you'd appreciate this, also, but something I would change, in the second stanza is the phrase 'from the pale edges'. It just sort of...doesn't fit, if you get my meaning. But I do love this poem. Favorites list!

Great job, really good! Write on!

~Anna~ _

wow! it's beautiful! the first 2 lines are wonderful! one of my new favourites x

An awesome job with this poem.. I especially like the title, Keep it Up!