|Reviews for The Old Part|
| theschwa72 chapter 1 . 5/1/2013
Nice reverse psychologPr
| acm14 chapter 2 . 2/11/2007
nice use of description. you should also try to be more consistent on keeping with the description.
| Zozma chapter 12 . 1/21/2007
I didn't think that Ghost operated outside of his lab, require sustenance, or was anything less than tone death. I guess even those who are capable of taking a stab wound without any ill side effects need to eat once in a while. But what kind of sandwhich would Ghost like? Hm . . . Decidedly Penepelope.
Okay, good. I was just going to say that if something as simple as money stopped Ghost from getting what he wanted there's something seriously wrong with this situation. Also, don't bullets cost more than newspapers? Plotholes man, plotholes!
I'm not sure Ghost has the whole villain thing down. You don't ask for water, you demand roast ham! And then you kill the kid at the counter for giving you lip. And possibly a minion or two to even the numbers.
Ghost's in a graveyard?
It's neat that Ghost feels compelled to fabricate a childhood for himself.
Hurray for blue darts and swords.
I think the exchange between Reginald and Yasuo went over alright, but your characters still seem to have an odd tendency of talking to themselves as if they were another person. Thought tends to be much more eratic, I think.
| elly aka emily chapter 19 . 1/14/2007
mar... that was like.. amazing... heh, lots of typos, but i mean, it was just like, incredible.. most definitely the best chapter yet by far... you did a great job really capturing the intensity i s'pose, and i don't know.. feeling i guess.. for lack of a better word... horribly bloody and violent though.. and this was one of the smaller attacks mentioned in the previous chapter, right?
heh, sorry... i'm terrible with words.. but this chapter really stood out... good job!
| elly aka emily chapter 18 . 1/14/2007
zomg! i finally read it! haha, lotsa lotsa foreshadowing, eh? hmm.. puzzling last line toos...
opening paragraph was great.. awsum description and whatnot... and hte best part? i don't have to wait for hte next what, like, three chapters? sorry it took me forever...
| Zozma chapter 11 . 1/11/2007
Alright, apparently Mitsuda really CAN cook because Sandy seems to be reaching nirvanna based on fragrance alone. Martha Stuart ain't got nothing in Mitsy.
Or maybe not.
Protein and carbs.
And enough salt to ensure a healthy future of diabetes.
nerve repairin surgeory is well within the budget but they still need to eat ramen? I smell s plothole, Marsy :P
Addler's pretty frickin amazing. He can use a com device with no hands!
| Zozma chapter 10 . 1/6/2007
Sorry it's been taking me so long to get back to this. Business is no exscuse, as you've been kind enough to read my monstrously long chapters. The least I can do is return the favor. I'll try reading up to chapter eighteen as quickly as possible.
Tranquility is opaque? Most of mine is a sorta hazy, smokey substance. I must just live in a bad neighborhood.
Aww. Mitsuda's got the whole fatherly love thing going on for our darling little Sandy.
Mitsuda must be under a lot of stress? I think that's an extremely compassionate statement coming from someone who risked their ass storming into a highly guarded government facility while her companion sat on his duff at home all day. Plah :P
"It’s not like anyone can perform an advanced nerve reparation surgery on the spot."
So I guess Kat's superpower is healing or some such? Or is science just that far along? One wouldn't think a small rebel organization would have the proper equipment to fully prevent paralyzation. But meh.
"I took this thing apart to take a look at its guts."
I've never been able to say that with a straight face. Why am I picking all these bizarre quotes out for the review?
"He had to be careful not to be seen. Children, teens, heck, even fully grown adults didn’t like the sight of a four-foot long talking black and green snake slithering around in public."
I had a perfect innuendo for this but you had to go and ruin it by describing him as "green and black." Way to go, Marsy.
Dark skinned guy actually answers the door with a rifle in his hands? The slums must not be a very good part of the city . . .
I've decided I'm going to call Varnis "elf", because he seems to physically resemble one sans the ears. I think this is a very good nickname for a character.
I notice every once in a while you put in a phrase meant to elaborate the plot to the readers, but sometimes those come off as awkward. For example, Jinni saying "Yeah, I got myself a nice husband, didn't I?" seems overly specific, as Sandy would already know Jinni and Kat are married even when the readers don't. Another example of this is when Varnis says: "Picking you guys up was no trouble in our helicopter." which is awkward because they already knew they were picked up in a helicopter. I think phrases like that can be left out and their respective facts displayed in different fashions. Jinni and Kat's marriage could be shown through their actions toward one another and the helicopter setence can be ommitted entirely, as it's already established that they were flown out. Just some suggestions from one writer to another.
Twenty-nine thousand? That's a pretty damn sizeable number. Elgrid must be amazing at covering up the kidnappings. I can just picture the note on the consolatory fruit basckets now: "Your son/daughter/parent/guardian/significant other has been sacrificed for the sake of SCIENCE! Please accept our apologies and this genetically altered and likely cancerous melon salad courtesy of C.E.O Zenrich. Making contact with this gift voids all legal retaliation on your part. Not that it matters, since we own your continent anyway. Hugs N Kisses, Elgrid.
The gangs' really mean to Addler. Passing the bears around, knowing full well he can't grap it and probably can't even drink it. Unless they gave him a little saucer for him to sip out of. That'd be just plain adorable.
Anyway, very nice chapter. Aside from the seemingly rushed ending it was very descriptive and, well . . . hopeful. I still don't think I'll remember all these characters for the life of me, though.
| sugarandspice91 chapter 21 . 12/31/2006
gah! all of a sudden you have all these chappies! i think my alert thingum died. it didnt tell me about chaps 20 and 21. meh. anyway, reviewness!
datsuba's so nice. " yeah, everyone wants to kill you. haha. its all your fault too. no one likes you."
i really love Ghost's enthusiasim. but i would hate to have to work on a group project with him. :)
aw poor datsuba. everyone he knows DIES. why didnt he kill zerich? it would have been perfect. datsuba should become mara's father. he could pretend mara was his long-dead suicidal son and be an awsome caring father and mara could be all happy! yes.
| sugarandspice91 chapter 20 . 12/31/2006
ya know, if i was just a random pedestrian, id stare at addler too. i mean, its a giant snake and it talks! not something you see everyday.
omg! vira should be a counselor for AA! i can just see her glaring at the drunks and growling "alcohol is bad! quit! now! or else!" and then she'd make their bottles explode. ehehehe.
| ted s chapter 7 . 12/25/2006
i like it, alex. you do a good job at describing the chaos of the fighting scenes. im excited to read some more but i have to go to bed now so i am fresh for om. merry xmas (no, i am not a zombie).
| sugarandspice91 chapter 19 . 12/22/2006
what a sad chappy. poor reggie is all scarred now. i liked cedric's wayburd. hes like the stereotypical opera singer. he reminds me of when in youth choir we were singing this song that ended with us soprano ones on this really really high note, and every time we'd practice it, everyone would be all like "A! STOP! YOU ALL ARE GONNA BREAK THE WINDOWS!" was cedric a soprano in another life? i can just imagine him using his wayburd during some song and killing everyone! :) that would be amusing. death by singing. hehe. merry christmas lexy!
| Nick chapter 19 . 12/18/2006
hiya alex havent read ur story yet im busy and stuff and i dont not always say useless junk... anyways whenever i stop being busy and/or lazy or doing random stupid stuff ill read ur stuff and uh... im so bored that im writing a review for no reason since i havent actually read 19 yet... oh well "hes got black vest lungs. Their the type that will talk through the weezing of coughs" Can u guess from what song these lyrics are?
man im rly bored that ive resorted to writing lyrics... im gonna go now and do something or something else i dunno just way too bored and too lazy to get up from my computer or to reach for my cds cya oh yea this the most pointless review ever i know i dont care
| sugarandspice91 chapter 18 . 11/30/2006
woots for no more thriller and for getting closer to a climax! this really is exciting. this chapter reminds me of my vince flynn books where these terrorits and the CIA are planning how to set up "covert operations". it makes you realize how easy it could be for some really smart assassins to come over and kill people. it makes you feel so safe. this wasnt a very fun chapter, but it was good how it all set things up so when stuff starts happening it wont be all confusing. yay for organization!
| sarah chapter 11 . 11/29/2006
sora! The last section with him had very pretty imagery!
| sarah chapter 9 . 11/27/2006
hi! this is Elly's sister. teh faithless are very spiffy you should put them in more!