|Reviews for The Old Part|
| elly aka emily chapter 14 . 9/5/2006
| AcidxxPops chapter 1 . 9/2/2006
Interesting start, I like it a lot _ I can't wait to read the rest of it.
Oh, and thanks for the reviews on my story, The God's War.
| Nick chapter 14 . 9/1/2006
alex hey whasup... listen im felleing rly lazy and so im not gonna write a whole bunch cuase i dont wanna press the buttons on the keyboard too much cuase im felling real lazy... ergh rly cool chpter zerich is such a loser and ghost is totally like bam zwish boom and stuff amd he is totally cool in a kinda wierd creepy way you know what i mean? but datsuba is totally like ouch u shot me three times and im still not dead and stuff ergh im gonna go watch tv or something cya when u get back...
| anticliche freak chapter 14 . 8/31/2006
Yay for me, Im reviewing the moment I got the email for youe story. _
Datsuba is of course really awesome and everything, just like most of the characters. Except for Scarath and Zizi. Theybadness. Even if I did come up with scaraths power.
I honestly think that if you combined yours and Ginas personality, you would get ghost. Its actually rather alarming.
Sometimes it would help to be a little more subtle with your peoples emotions
"Fear flooded through his body like water flowing down a barren mountainside"
This is a nice simile, but I would still like to see a more subtle/gradual buildup in emotion instead of continuous flashes of strong emotion.
| sugarandspice91 chapter 14 . 8/30/2006
omg. scarath is still hung up about the sunrise. th poor dear. A! DONT KILL EDDYY! oh good. indestructible man saved him. he has creepy skin tho...why is everyone so friggin sad? hahaha ghost calls him zizi? that is perfect. im gonna call him that. he sounds like an afican vegatable, doesnt he? sque im thinkin i like non-killy ghost. "it could even be me! isnt that an exciting thought?" ya know, if someone was gonna kill me, i wouldnt want it to be ghost. i dunno...the idea is just horrifying. huh..how can eddy be breathing down zizi's neck if hes like half-dead in the hospital? strange. ha! kagura is the spy one. wasnt he yogaman? i think so. this is hilarius. zizi is like killing all of his lil people for the rebel people. how nice of him. aw. this is so not zizi's day. all these people want to kill him. those who dont want to kill him at the moment have hinted that they might kill him in the near future. poor sweetie. he needs a hug and some chocolate. DONT WORRY ZIZI DARLING! IM COMING TO GIVE YOU LURVE! i wonder how he would react. hehehe.
| sugarandspice91 chapter 13 . 8/29/2006
YAAY! A HAPPY CHAPPY! hey! the black shoes thing is mine!..i cant believe you stole that from me. *tear* i suppose i forgive you...you didnt know. that elgrid spy dude? which one is he again? is that yogaman? or yasuo. i remember you telling me i shouldnt like someone cuz he was bad. oo! augor contract! DON'T TAKE THE JOB KITTYKAT! "we're terrorists!" nice dan. i love this guy now. he killed the soldier cuz he had a southern accent. how can you not love a guy like that? haha, dancing corpses! DANMAN IS MAH HUSBAND! and see he cant tell the factions apart either. its not just me. ya know, why dont you have the rest of the story just be about dan an lindsey? cuz thatd be fun. alright! its only 8: 20!..i hope you havent put up 14 yet. ya know its wierd, just like a week ago i was readin your review an i noticed you had another chap up...i guess the thought didnt occur to me to review. or i just forgot. yeah, i probably forgot. HEARTS TO DANNY!
| Dust Cloud chapter 13 . 8/29/2006
Hehe, what can I say? If I like a story, I read through it pretty fast. (Yeah, your chapters being short has NOTHING to do with it.) LIKE ZOMG right back atcha xD
You know, the name Mitsuda sounds too much like Mitsubishi. Whenever I read Mitsuda's name, I get this image of a guy built like a car. NOT PLEASANT.
AH! LA TINY SPECKS ARE LE SOOTHING!
MY SHOES SPARKLE IN THE MOONLIGHT AT YOU!
Hehe. Yashinjuku. The names really do reek Japanese/Chinese/other random Asian nations. I'm glad that'll be explained soon. But it's also really cool. Yay Japan.
“I’m not kidding. That top hat looks idiotic. Take it off.” "But I like it." "But it's stupid."
“And why not?”
Dan interrupted Lindsey, and excitedly waved his arms around. “We’re terrorists!”
Lmao. And they get CAUGHT...omg that was great.
I love how the guard's all like, "Please be seated. You'll be leaving in chains."
LE BLOOD. I almost thought there would be a blood-free chapter. _
He was all like, ‘Talk talk. Blahblahblah. Ima waste your time.’ And he had a southern accent.” Hehehehehe.
“Oh, okay. I’ll buy you another one. You know, when some people are under pressure, they lose their heads. When I’m under pressure, other people lose their heads.” Clever!
“Forget it, Dan”
“Stop calling me that. I'm Sirocco.”
Lol. What an idiot.
I heart this chapter, great work!
| anticliche freak chapter 13 . 8/25/2006
dan is absolutely hilarious and I love him forever.
Thats honestly all there is to say, I love you sense of humor.
Every Line was awesome so theres no point quoting. Kiss kiss to Dan.
| elly aka emily chapter 13 . 8/24/2006
omg! they're gonna try to steal kat for the augur contract? haha, some replacement for ghost!
oh, grand scale attack...now THAT sounds good...
haha, i love lindsey...she's awsum...threw his hat over...and dan has a cow? with spiffeh hair!haha, that came out weird...
xD "we're terrorists!" haha, are they a couple? cuz they rock...more my kidna ppls!
ah, wife...guess they are...haha, new fan club for danandlindsey! oh, gore!
"“But he was annoying. He was all like, ‘Talk talk. Blahblahblah. Ima waste your time.’ And he had a southern accent.”
“Hahaha, they’re dancing.”
| elly aka emily chapter 12 . 8/23/2006
finally my reivew! been meaning to type it for practically weeks now...sry for the delay...k, so as usual, ima type it as i go along...
hm..ghost maniacal grin much? xDDand he seems to talk to himself an awful lot...like, he reads a newspaper, and then comments on it...to himself? unless its thought and not out loud, which, as im sure you're sick of hearing, can get very confusing...haha, people are really gonna thing hes "deranged" hearing him making snide little remarks to himslef in the middle of some fancy cafe thinger...
y'know what hte best hting ghost has ever done is? the free cup of water hting. was definitely my favorite part of this chap! xDD
question: in the newspaper reports about ghost and what happened, its not clear to me whether they claim he was shot, imprisoned, etc...? in reality he just got away, right?
xD omfg, "i bite my thumb at you, elgrid! " lmao
"Shaking his head violently back and forth, Ghost ruffled the papers and stood up, "...this whole paragraph i dont quite get...like, how is ghost feeling right now, saying all this to the other customers? i cant get a feel for if hes angry, or sarcastic, or betrayed or what...
omfg...he lives underground...under a graveyard! haha, thats just delightful. hey, at least he's got company! omg, ghost! with dead bodies! xD...ok, im done. heh..
the paragraph taht starts "“Haha...I still haven't figured out what you do yet, ..." about the shard thing? i would recommend to redo that if you're planning on ever revising this story...it contradicts itself a bit, and idk, sounds amazing, but doesnt technically make a whole lotta sense with some of your word choices...for example: "The shard was perfectly shaped like a marble"
| Shredded Shrooms chapter 13 . 8/22/2006
My day has been brightened by this newfound joy that is Chapter 13.
HECK YES, i'm the official cheif cult Ghosty thingy.
So there's Kat with his sparkly shoes. Damn, I need a pair of those. An , don't take the job, Kat! You'll go crazy like Alan. And you don't want that.
"I can’t always be there to sow your head back onto your shoulders whenever you lose it, can I?”
I imagined Kat, like, sowing the headless body of Mitsuda. And started laughing. "Yes, I can't always be there to throw your head back onto your shoulders like a seed into the ground."
I'm easily amused. Bwa haha.
Yes! Dan and Lindsey! Hehe, she threw his top hat overboard, how horrible... and then she electrecuted him. I can feel the love between those two already.
YES, LINDSEY, STOP CALLING HIM DAN! IT'S SIROCCO NOW! Sheesh.
Dan interrupted Lindsey, and excitedly waved his arms around. “We’re terrorists!”
xD Favorite line in this chapter. Even though I already knew about it. It's still good. And amusing... -keeps reading- and woah. Now Dan can just, like... flip his leg over his shoulder? That's insane. YES FOR SCYTHES. MORE BLOOD! MORE KILLY-NESS!
“But he was annoying. He was all like, ‘Talk talk. Blahblahblah. Ima waste your time.’ And he had a southern accent.”
I agree with you, Dan. I would've killed him, too.
“But look sweetie! They’re dancing! Go, buddies! Go!” He paused, and the corpses stopped moving. “Oh fine. Come on, let’s go get a beer, Dan, Danny, and Daniel.” Opening the door, Lindsey and the bodies followed him outside.
xD Marzy-san, you're my hero simply for writing this. Awesome. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Aka, I can't wait to nag you to write the next chapter.
| Nick chapter 13 . 8/22/2006
hey alex and im not impatient mearly anoyed that you were taking that long to write ch. 13 Anways that was really funny at the second part of it was i like dan.. he sounds like he is on carck all the time... oh well whatevar with an A! or somehting like that... anyways get out of that creative rut you are in and hurry up with ch14 and keep up doing whatevar(With an A!) it is that you do...
| Nick chapter 12 . 8/21/2006
hey alex its me nick im back from cali! ill call u somthime soon k and we will get together or somehting anyways where is chapter 13? u have rly been lazy lately mister its time to fix up ur act and start cranking out more of these chapters ok? So anyways i watched tr0on and it was freakin awsome! Greetings programs oh man that is funny and the music u gave me was pretty good too but u gave me HIM instaed of opeth so uh i still would like to burn opeth so cya sometime soon ok alex this is nick signing off for the nightP.S. STOP BEING LAZY AND GET CH13 OUT! JOO PUNK OR I WI11 R3AP UR S0U1 101! M3GA 1337 101!
| Dust Cloud chapter 12 . 8/18/2006
Du de day du dah...heheh, that sounds funny when you say it out loud.
“Oh geez...” Ghost thought to himself. “I hardly qualify as deranged. Lunatic, yeah, maybe, but deranged? That just sounds so...unsophisticated. I’m insulted.” His head fell, and Ghost twisted his face into a creepy grin.
That quote was one of the monologue things again, even if it was funny. I suggest that when a character is by himself, have him think to himself rather than hold a conversation with himself. But again, it was funny.
Ghost is a well-done villain, though.
Ooh, altering the future? That really sucks...
Ah...this is the last chapter? When did that happen? Ugh, I was so happy just breexing through the chapters...ah well. Update soon, and thankfully I'm finally all caught up!
| Dust Cloud chapter 11 . 8/18/2006
Ze ramen is present! I KNEW this thing has an underlying of Japanese. Ramen GOOD...
Do Mitsuda and Sandy like each other?
Sandy, stop whining about the ramen .
Lol. "Mitsuda flashed a grin from behind his circular glasses." Dude, no one's glasses COVER their mouth. If he WINKED, or something of the sort, that would be okay, but SMILING? lol
And now Scarath loves Alan. The pairings! "I saved your life! You can't give up! DAMN IT, YOU OWE ME YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE!" xD
Ooh, nice ending.