Reviews for The Old Part
sugarandspice91 chapter 4 . 6/18/2006
LOOK ALERX I REVIEWED! ya know you should have a chapter just listing all of the characters and what thier role is in the story cuz you introduce like 5 new characters evry chappy and they all have wierd names and I DUN KNOW WHO THEY ARE. be a helpful little ?
anticliche freak chapter 4 . 6/12/2006

I have a cameo!

but on to ch. 4...

How emo were you feeling when you wrote this?

But um... I really like the two people talking on the phone at the 're really cool and stuff. Bad news for our ... Main characters? coming up. The sarcasm is good because you rarely se it in bad guys when they're not confronting the protagonists and being all arrogant. DOesn't eden seem a little bit unfitting for a name for a prison?

So far Asura seems flat, but I have complete faith that he will round out at some point.
sugarandspice91 chapter 3 . 6/3/2006
1st: HOLA PATRICK HOW ARE YOU?2nd: so the imagery is good, but you should try to space it out more... it seems nearly all of your characters are psychotic, have you noticed that? i dont think any of them dont have some sort of "issues"..did you plan that?
anticliche freak chapter 3 . 6/3/2006
Uh, I thought that sandy had shorts, you say jeans in the story.




Cliches: volume 1punching punching bag and screaming with rage"being haunted something in nightmares"


Viras cool, Me like

like how she sccribles over the face of her father, make it a bloody red maker, or blood!
WIshingWell chapter 1 . 6/2/2006
hey, it's m dog. i like the story, it's suspensful and interesting. when i write something i always try to imagine a room or setting in 3 to 4 different ways. this might help you create some depth to your story, to maybe help thicken the plot later on.
sugarandspice91 chapter 2 . 6/2/2006
heartsIMAGERYhearts. what is it with you and red? 2 of the peeps have red hair, and people are always covered in blood, wading in blood, or talking about blood. and why doesnt sandy have a nifty mystical name like all the others? ..that made me sad..
anticliche freak chapter 1 . 6/1/2006
Is someone actually encouraging the author to use the scientist cliche!


Love the contrast between the two scientists. By all acounts you seem to keep the time honored tradition of world affecting cataclysmic events, and you keep it original.
tnguyen chapter 2 . 5/31/2006
This chapter is also really good. I'm really wondering what's going to happen to her, yet I feel that whatever that will happen to Aurora already had happened to Sandy. Just a guess :).

Assfucking Lawnmower chapter 2 . 5/31/2006
The idea of it all is very interesting. You just have a few mistakes. First you said Sora has pale dark eyes. You could say he has pale (insert dark color here) eyes or dark (insert light color here) eyes, but pale dark contradicts itself. Try not to make Aurora so innocent and perfect, otherwise, she's fine. Try not to make intelligent scientists say things like 'um' and stuff. Scientists speak nerd, that's all there is to it. I liked the first chapter because it was in the scientist's point of veiw, and that's much more interesting then the 'poor little experiment' veiw. You're doing good, so keep going!
sugarandspice91 chapter 1 . 5/31/2006
HEY ALERX ITS GINA! this is definatly better than your first one. but what is with all the blood? and its so sad and morbid and and ... is the entire story going to be like this?
tnguyen chapter 1 . 5/30/2006
I really like your story. The character seem real and the opening storyline is really captivating. I hope you update soon.
131 | « Prev Page 1 .. 6 7 8 9