|Reviews for The Knight's and Lady's Tale|
| AluminumMuse chapter 1 . 11/1/2007
Okay. Let's do this thing.
Spelling and Grammar:
Not many mistakes, if any. I'm sort of in a hurry, so I'm mostly skipping this section. Sorry.
But it established my special place in the family:
So I lied. Just caught my eye. I don't usually bother with this, but starting a sentence with a conjunction ruins your mood here. I would include so, but, because and into this category, though I'm lax enough in the field of grammar that I am passing judgment on those words strictly by ear.
I say was because the adventure I am about to relate has turned my outlook on many matters upside down.
You don't need to say this, we can assume by Gawain ending his first passage with this line.
Gawain's character seems a bit too frank. I think he would at least try to justify his own actions. Certainly his brothers seem rather flat.
Of all my brothers, only little Mordred showed any particular spirit in deviating his will from mine, but as the youngest by ten years he was always far too small to do much about it despite being our mother’s favorite.
This sentence seems a bit cluttered. What does being the mother's favorite have to do with deviating from his brother's command? Does his mother offer protection against Gawain? You gone on to say that the parents allowed him free reign, inferring that both supporting him above the others, so this doesn't really make sense.
My mother claimed that when I first saw my father I began to cry lustily, an omen, she said, of his untimely death by a fall off our cottage roof a mere two days later.
An ungainly sentence. I would advise breaking it in two.
I lived with her for the next eight years, which is when my story really begins.
Cut off this sentence after years, the reader will still get your message.
I never felt emotional attachment to any of these beautiful partners,
You say beautiful too much.
Of course, I had not the slightest notion that what we were doing was wrong.
She spends too much of her time disproving herself. Let the reader decide whether what she does is wrong, or use the first person to show what evils she producing and let her justify them as she did then. Your characters seem too much like victims of their surroundings. I see a good deal of plotting (making a character act to move the plot forward without taking into account their actual personalities). The spoiled prince and the victim whose heart grows bitter are both clichés. I would be willing to overlook this where they made more convincing. Let some moral dilemma enter your story, don't feel the need to label everything black and white. After all your listed reasons for why her actions are just, your scattering of 'woe was me, I was acting out of anger and now i realize how wrong I was' seem unfounded.
“Forgive me, Deirdre. My name is Gawain. Sir Gawain, now, but it doesn’t really matter anymore. Not after what I’ve done. Please just call me Gawain.”
Whoa! Where did his personality go? Suddenly eager, bossy, sexist, cruel Gawain is polite and repentant. Seems a bit sudden.
Of course, looking back, I can easily see that I had already begun to fall in love with Gawain.
After several years of hating men and watching this one rape a woman? Again, story seems to be rushed. If you spend enough time telling yourself that you hate men, usually it becomes true. What is it about Gawain that really pulls her from her old ideas?
Eh… um… nothing, really.
What you did well:
Really interesting plot, you go places in your writing most fear to. It’s nice to see a new spin on the old myths, this sort of writing seems to be dwindling away. You have a good use of emotion here, if a touch rushed through or over-wordy in places. Over all, I like it.
| Casey Drake chapter 2 . 7/6/2006
*applause* *nodnod* interesting. very interesting.
| zagato chapter 2 . 6/5/2006
This is such a beautiful story! Thank you and please write more.
| Storyteller Knight chapter 2 . 5/31/2006
First off, that last line was a brilliant addition (although being the paronoid person that I am I'm convinced that you kept it from the stuff you were sending me on purpose) and a much better ending then what you sent me. I love the entire thing, it was absolutly brilliant and I think you should play around with the Orkney boys a little more, especially Gawain (since I know he's your favorite). There are a lot of legend out there that could your refreshing view.