|Reviews for Shadows of the Mind|
| hears-wakes chapter 12 . 9/19/2006
Wonderful story! You really create a well fleshed-out world and I certainly got into the story. So what happens next?
Critically, I would say a couple things. First, I would expand the first chapter. We definately need more of our heroine's relationship w/ Ror to make the emotion more real. Secondly, (and this is of course only my opinion), I found the switch to third person after Teague passes out to be very confusing. Honestly, I think the whole story might work better if written in the third person. It would be great to hear some of the thoughts of the other characters - even Ror. Chapter 7 is definately pretty confusing for me, and could use better transitions. Finally, I feel I must address your use of the word 'polly-coddled'. I (IMHO) would suggest dropping it entirely, or at least cutting back on it's use.
Overall though this is such a wonderful story and I am very impressed with it. You really have a way with dialog and justifying your characters emotions. I like the plot and the atmosphere. I hope I can read more soon!
| MercuryMoon chapter 1 . 7/1/2006
Hmm.. the way you begin this is quite good. I don't know why more people haven't reviewed your story yet. Summary is decent too. The Faithful sound interesting, too. Well, I'm off and will be back to read another time. :) Good luck!