Wow. This, is an amazing piece of writing. I hope that you continue the stroy, and maybe even make a book! I know you would be a great author.

Love,

Charlotte

(After Part I)

This seems like a pretty original package of ideas. Writing down wishes in a book, hmm...? I like the ideas, and it makes me feel sympathetic for... er... You never -named- them, did you? You don't have to, but you might want to.

I have some critique. I guess the largest bit of advice that I have for you is that you don't necessarily have to divide the story in the spot where you do. You could skip a few lines and then start the second part without indenting. But then again, I'm sure you already know that.

That leads me to the formating of the story. Since you skip a line every time, it kind of feels like a new idea is being presented. Why don't you try formating like... this:

This happened. And so and so. It became this.. And then this happened. So this happened and this, and this, and this. When this happened...

It makes the story feel more "solid," if you get what I mean.

My last advice is that maybe you should add more actual dialogue to the story. I'm not sure where, though... That's totally up to you. It'll make the story have a more "active" feel to it.

Other than that I really, really like this story. I hope it turns out well! :D

Oh, well done! Way to pull the reader into a story, and also...(and this is my favorite thing about it) it's original!

However, it seems a bit rushed? You might want to work on slowing down and describing things a bit more.