Reviews for Gods of Men
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NamelessHeretic chapter 15 . 2/2/2007
_

The tech in here is getting... trippy...

As Arthur C. Clarke once said, however, 'Any sufficiently advanced enough technology is indiscernable from magic' (or something to that effect), so no biggy.

Ah, nothing like the completion of the first part of a novel, especially with a mild cliffhanger. I also like how Gano has developed from somewhat passive and calm scientist to angry, indignant warrior. A very smooth and reasonable developement for his character.
E.R. Samuelson chapter 14 . 1/31/2007
Your story has come together nicely and I stick by what I mentioned before; you have nice decriptions. One other good thing I've noticed is that you've managed to keep things from getting massively melodramatic.

What I do suggest is that you keep an eye on that level of melodrama. A little bit is okay, but too much can be distracting. There are parts here and there where it is distracting and you should watch for those. I think one of the best ways to catch it is to set something aside after writing it and wait a week or so before you read it again. If that doesn't work, try having an honest friend proofread it.

At any rate, you have nice developments and a decent story. Keep it up.
biminator chapter 2 . 1/29/2007
A fine first chapter. While there are a few slip-ups (has he been mining for 2 or 3 years?), and the occasional spelling mistake, they hardly detract from the storyline. The drug you've created, gratil, strongly reminds me of Huxley's Brave New World, but that's hardly a negative comparison.

Either way, I'm interested to see where this goes, and I'll have to get around to reading some more of it. Sorry I took so long to start.

P.S. As I remember, you were interested in joining my C2 Community? If that's not true, just send me another PM. In the meantime, I'll send you a staff invite and put this in the story list.
NamelessHeretic chapter 12 . 1/25/2007
Hmm... my only criticisms are that Gano and Jade got a little too 'brother/sister love' too fast, in my opinion. But other than that, nice. Geovanni's tirade was really well done, especially with the coughing up blood and whatnot. I'm sure that had an effect on Dianna.
NamelessHeretic chapter 9 . 1/18/2007
Wow... that was awesome. I love how this setting has that 'dystopia that looks like a utopia' theme going on, with technology repressed and people finding solace in drugs. Disgusting... and I root and root for Gano and company. I can't wait for more.
Bitter Irony chapter 3 . 1/6/2007
I like the description of Aaron Grovskty at the beginning-it gave a very good feel for his presence. My only nitpick is about the line, "each five years like a drop of water, draining his once full reservoir of youth" If the reservoir is emptying after only five drops, it must have been rather small to begin with. :-)

"He was furious at these violations" A little repetative, as you already did an excellent job of showing just how angry he was in his dialogue and the way he said it.

Also, good description of the Chancellor's opinions/feelings/duties, it fit in naturally and flowed rather well.

Nice description of Diana, but I'm wondering if you could have included more physical description: if she's genetically inhanced, we want to know more about her than just her hair color and body type.

Okay, I've reached the end of my chapter, and it seems like most of what I've said is "nice description" (before I forget, great ambiance, too!). A bit more action fit in with the exposition would have made it more 'exciting', but I really can't complain: this chapter was very easy to read, and still piqued some interest.

Bitter Irony
Mad Max chapter 2 . 1/2/2007
Wow, what can I say? A rose amongst the thorns.

Exceptionally well written excellent use of word and simile, very thought provoking. If I had any negative observations it would be that it was too short and ended far too soon. Is there more coming?
Fiore Chnudth chapter 1 . 12/14/2006
I don't know what to think of the first line in italic. I'm not a fan of these allknowing, allright and so on type lines. I think maybe that line would have served better as a summary for the story.

The ancient drill: why is it ancient? Is this just another word for very old or is there some other meaning to the use of that word?

The first few paragraphs of describtions were alright and gave an okay feel of the atmosphere and setting. It seemed a bit bombastic at times though.

The part about the pain that would not release the dude, was good.

Precious iron: why precious?

I was thinking that when the dude looked at his clock, maybe you could write that he looked at it again to add a feel of boredom and no-desire to the job.

Serial codes in odd places is very sci-fi indeed. :-) I like that.

In your describtions you often use phrases to describe that is very much part of the world we're in. For example "blank indifference that could pierce through iron ore" - I like this. That you describe by comparing to your own world instead of the nonfictional one we all live in. Good!

(Hope that made sense to you)

He slowly turned and ran. Maybe that should have been described a bit more to take away from the feel of contradiction (slowly - ran).

In general there were given many hints and a good setting for the story, I think.

KH

KHL
EdJ chapter 1 . 11/29/2006
This is a review for chapter 1, and as far as ive seen its one of the most discriptive pieces ive ever read. very nice, I could easily imagine everything that went on with the characters. keep up the good work.
Bitter Irony chapter 2 . 11/17/2006
I noticed some more frequent grammar errors in this chapter: "I am on the computer[,] mother." "Giovanni store" (should be "starred", etc. Otherwise, it was a nother excellent one.

I especially like your character descriptions. "...a round, peachy woman...allowing her bosom to become more prominent while disguising her misplaced fat..." This gave a very good mental image of this mother! Her words are also very revealing. "It is not good to disrespect authority."

Speaking of revealing words, I like the quotes you have at the tops of the chapters. They take a bit of thinking, but of course in a good way.

"“I will be what I want to be, and I do not give a damn what others tell me I should be!”" This could be a very powerful line, but it comes across kind of awkwardly. It's hard to imagine coming out of an angry teenager's mouth.

I only caught this mistake once (first paragraph of the section section), but make sure you start a new paragraph with every bit of dialogue. When reading quickly, it's easy to miss the quotes and become rather confused. :-) It's also easier to tell who's speaking when the dialogue is compressed and separated in one paragraph.

" God said that we could have earth; he did not include the heavens" Interesting thought by the Bishop: I'm willing to bet that Gano in the last chapter might agree after three hours in the isolation chamber.

"nobody could deny such a self-evident claim." This line just struck me as kind of odd: undeniable and self-evident are pretty much synonyms, so the sentance sounds repetative.

"“What am fighting?”" You missed a word here: too bad, because other than that, this line is very powerful. I certainly feel sorry for Diana: that sounds like a lot of work for one person!

"R2T" Nice to see an abbreviation that actually means something! None of that "R2D2" nonsense that I see everywhere else. :-)

That was a very effective and informative stream of concious in this chapter. It seems well-thought out, with clear attention to cause and effect. And organization is the first step to excellent speculative fiction!

Nice chapter ending-almost a cliff-hanger there. I'd like to move on, but I can't quite tonight-and I'm very sorry for that! I'll be back ASAP to check out chapter 3.

Bitter Irony
Bitter Irony chapter 1 . 11/17/2006
Very impressive first chapter! It's a nice break from sf cliches, with many interesting ideas: the idea of the isolation room was especially chilling, no pun intended.

We seemed to switch viewpoints from the workman to the Director all of a sudden. It's interesting that Giovanni originally greets Gano by calling him "comrade" and turning a complete 180.

The periods at the end of much of your dialogue seem to be cut off: "“I am sure that we have not.”" is the first example I can find, but I know there are more.

All in all, a very interesting chapter. I'll be on to the next one soon.

Bitter Irony
E.R. Samuelson chapter 1 . 11/14/2006
I only have time to read one chapter tonight, but I do have to say that I like this story. You have some very good descriptions. Just watch out for the spelling errors (I caught one or two). I'll pop back later, read the other chapters, and (hopefully) I might have some actual constructive criticism to offer.