Reviews for Gabriel
rvtolentino chapter 1 . 8/2/2006
this is my first time reviewing a horror story, since i've limited my time to fantasy and manga with a little bit of general thrown in for good measure. but when i saw the summary i found myself really drawn in.

it sucked me like no other horror story since Stephen King had. and the message. "It's here. It's now. Don't be late" is confoundingly scary and downright frightening. like, "what IS here now?" and i don't even want to answer that; i'm doing this late at night.

i don't know if you were trying to scare us to death but the "based on a true story" really got my bowels churning. i like that; it lent an eerie atmosphere to the story, a creepy setup that, coupled with the intriguing premise, would probably make me jump at shadows from hereon. although i'd probably be as skeptical as Nick when it comes to these things, the air of mystery of this story is very good; how you'd lead us there is one thing i like about it. but if it's a true story and is not fiction, i guess i won't use school restrooms anymore.

your grammar is nice; brilliantly tailored to suit these two characters. i won't get started on the typos (everybody loves typos) since it's not really a fault that you can be responsible for. but as i said, your grammar is conversational, casual; your writing style best suits the mood, and blends modern-day skepticism (and what do people today regard these things) with the aura of the supernatural. even if your tone was like that, though, you still managed to come across as eloquent.

i don't mind you missing a few details here and there, since the general feel of the idea is on the buildup of the story's horror theme. and in cases like this the general idea is okay, as since this is only the prologue and you've managed to give us the entire plot while withholding the execution of the next installments. which brings me the question, when will you update? it's nearly two months since you've published this prologue and i would like to see what happens next... and how they'd contact this janitor, Carlo Sanchez.

i laud you for your mature writing style. it has an appealing flavor all its own, like casual-meets-dark, and it gives us a gloomy feel, which i like. keep this up, or better yet, enhance it more with experimentation and more suspense. however the best part of this story is its sense of tension; you know how to make a hooker, and you do know how to lure a reader.

well then that sums it up, i hope you'd update soon. keep writing!

PS. try to email me if this is a true story or not. and while you're at it, try to review me too.

~DD
J'Adore Les Phoques chapter 1 . 6/22/2006
I don't really understand it. Why do they have only three days left? The grafitti? What does it mean?

But the buildup was nice...
Adelaidmaye chapter 1 . 6/8/2006
Interesting.
lovelikeamixtape chapter 1 . 6/7/2006
that's an exciting & drawing beginning. looking forward to reading more.