Reviews for When The Stars Won't Shine
Sarah Allie chapter 2 . 12/28/2007
Beautiful! I loved the opening line :D Now, off to finish this :D!
Luiniliel chapter 14 . 12/23/2007
I am absolutely in love with this story. My only concerns would be that I think this possibly belongs on and that the ending, while brilliant, needs something more. I feel like it is incomplete and I was really left with my breath caught in my throat, no exhale to look forward to. Even a one sentenced conclusion would end my curiosity, like "Wendy and her mother were never better" would be lovely.
Whoaa Kayy chapter 14 . 11/29/2007
oh...my...God.

that was absolutely, positivly, stunningly amazing.

it was...wow.

well, for one i more than loved it. it was...God i can't even think of words for it!

very, very, VERY, excellent job. it was amazing.

-Rad Like Whoaa.
Twilight Starr chapter 1 . 11/14/2007
Good start. I like the opening. The opening sentence was a little bland, but we all have those-me, too, so not critism there. I'm just happy you didn't start out with "my name is . . ." The lack of detail (names, physical appearances, and such) and the good descriptions of feelings makes it an interesting start. It caught my attention and makes me want to read more. Great job!

Twilight Starr
pangur chapter 14 . 10/3/2007
i just read that straight through, it was great. i sort of wish that a few things were made clear, like if the children are all sent back home after they disappear... but other than that, it was an imaginative, original take on the classic. awesome job :)
Shelly McCoy chapter 14 . 9/23/2007
There were a few things I didn't quite get, such as when you said that Deborah was in the present and Wendy in the past, but I found it enchanting.

I just could not stop reading literally. Well done.
givelifeyurall chapter 14 . 9/15/2007
it makes me sad, like she lost something so close to her. her veil of illusions has been removed. very beautiful take, perfect for adults.
elisefey chapter 14 . 8/21/2007
Well, so much for my theory about the watch being in the alligator. I was close though! And I just love Andrew. The more I learn about him, the more he does, the more I love him.

Anyway, I was sad to see him go and yet I found him to be a kind of interesting anti-hero type character because he basically seems to know that as he's convincing Wendy, he's talking himself out of existence. I liked that. There was this feeling of self-sacrifice in that at the same time as a little sinister vengence against his brother. An angsty need to bring it all to an end. I really liked that.

I'm still thinking about Wendy's fate. I can't say that I liked it but I can't say I disliked it either. It's certainly thought provoking and something to mull over.

In any event, this story was definitely a worthwhile read!
elisefey chapter 13 . 8/21/2007
[Andrew watched her carefully, his eyes measuring her movements. He sensed her anger, her impatience, and there…beneath it all, her anxious fear.] - He’s so strong/tough and emotionally sensitive at the same time. Very sexy.

[“What do you fear, Wendy? My beautiful Wendy, what do you fear?”] - He’s so scary right now. And yet I still love him.

[She shook her head slowly and touched her fingers to his lips. “I’m not real, Guy. I love you…but I’m not real.”] - Whoa. Now that I really didn’t see coming at all. Not even in the slightest. But now I’m eager to find out what this means.

Okay, when Andrew acts like he's going to rape Wendy, I don't really buy it. I suspect he’s trying to make a point or something, not get something from her. He wouldn’t refuse to take advantage of her when she wanted him to then turn around and rape her.

[“So we finally decided to show, did we, Peter?” ] - Aha! I feel vindicated. That must have been what he was trying to acheive.

[“The officers found my son’s watch when they declared his death. His brother disappeared with it.” ] - Oh! I accidently saw the last line of the chapter before reading this but now this is my theory: it’s Hook talking to Peter because he’s Peter’s brother and it’s Peter’s watch that Andrew was wearing when the alligator bit off his hand. Right? It’s just a guess.

[“I’m your brother, Peter.”] - Well at least I got the part about Hook and Peter being brothers right. On to the next chapter to find out more!
elisefey chapter 12 . 8/21/2007
[“Why are you suddenly so cold?” she fought back the twisting feeling in her gut.

“You must have imagined otherwise.”] - Oh! Oh! Creepy! I love it.

[Deborah gave Damien a shocked expression, but proceeded. “I’m calling about Tabitha.”] - I KNEW it! Tinkerbell is a girl like Wendy. (Not that you weren’t deliberately giving big blaring hints anyway, but still. I’m glad to have more solid confirmation.)

[At the bottom lay one trinket, a small golden locket hanging upon a shimmering golden chain.] - Yay! The mystery of the locket comes full circle.

I really liked this chapter a lot. The only thing I'm curious about is how Tinkerbell can appear to die in a world where everything is imagination unless she or Peter is imagining that she's dying? But maybe I misread that and she's not dead. I need to read the next chapter. That will help.
elisefey chapter 11 . 8/21/2007
[“Take me.” ] - Snicker. Sorry, I just never liked it when people use that line; I find it a bit ridiculous. Don’t mind me…

Darn Andrew for guessing that Wendy loves Peter! I mean, Peter's charming and sexy and all, but he reminds me of a couple guys I've known just like that and that really makes me not like him so much. Andrew, on the other hand, is just - I dunno - hot. Eh. I'm weird. And then a single tear escaped because, even then, she knew he wouldn’t love her.

[And then a single tear escaped because, even then, she knew he wouldn’t love her.] - Lovely line. I like how you manage to make Tinkerbell complex and tragic.

The end of this chapter has me totally feeling that something big is about to happen.
elisefey chapter 10 . 8/21/2007
[She purposefully used the nickname that had been given to him when he had lost his hand. ] - Honestly, I didn’t need you to tell me that; it was pretty self-evident.

[“I think I fully understand the truth behind my own words, Tabitha.” ] - Ack! More evidence to say that Tinkerbell was once a girl which goes back to my earlier comment about the competition and jealousy thing with the imagination. Fascinating!

[They begged to be released from the bondages of obligation.] - I love the way this is phrased, it’s frightening in a way.

[“He wants me dead, Wendy,” Peter said softly. His face was dangerously close to his.] - Huh? His face close to his? That doesn't make sense. I think there was supposed to be a "her" in there somewhere.

[“I’m not playing any mind games. The ladies get what they want.” ] - Peter is such a slimeball sometimes. Charming, but a slimeball all the same.

[Wendy silenced him instantly, kissing him squarely on the mouth. ] - Woohoo! Is it bad that I’m rooting for Hook? Because I’m totally rooting for him.
elisefey chapter 9 . 8/20/2007
Okay, so the best thing about having waited so long to review is that I've got a bazillion chapters to read and I don't have to wait for you to post them; whee!

Deborah dropping the necklace that she wasn't holding is trippy. She is definitely being set up for craziness here.

The Lost Boys felt a little more boyish in this chapter than in previous ones.

[When she looked up, he gave her a look of cold doubt and disgust. Wendy froze under his stare. He was seeing right through her. ] - Hm. Interesting. Peter’s motivations are so mysterious! It’s kind of fun.

[Damien was still bustling around the house, making excuses and guessing where it might be, but Deborah knew what she had seen.] - Gah! Why would Damien lie? It seems like he wouldn't, like there's more going on here.

Oh!ooh! The Star Creek thing is creepy!
elisefey chapter 8 . 8/20/2007
I have seriously been away from this story way too long... Sorry about that!

[“You made them how you wanted them.” ] - Ooh. Interesting comment.

Well the imagining her dress into existence is cool. I wouldn't mind being able to do that.

[“I don’t know what you can do,” he said hesitantly, “But I also don’t know what you can’t.” ] - That’s a lovely way of putting it carefully.

[She lay unconscious, the precious trees of her imagination snapping one by one like toothpicks.] - Oh, I like this line because (I’m probably reading too much into it) there’s this subtle hint that Tinkerbell is as much in competition with Wendy through imagining Neverland which would bring in a whole other level to her jealousy.

[“Where you want to be,” Peter answered with a grin. “Don’t tell me you didn’t miss me.” ] - He’s sneaky. I don’t trust either Peter or Hook but I think that’s part of what makes them sexy.
Last.Real Record Store onEarth chapter 14 . 8/14/2007
Wow. Sad. Powerful. I really liked it. I started to cry at the end though, the last line. -faves-
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