|Reviews for When The Stars Won't Shine|
| elisefey chapter 1 . 1/18/2007
I am guessing, based on the similarity of this prologue’s writing style to the prologue of Anemone, that you had the biggest hand in writing the opening for the other story. They both have that same contemplative mood and liquidity of prose. Anyway, I like this prologue. I love the matter of fact tone used to simply state that ‘he’ took her away. The very lack of emotion is what makes it emotional; as though the emotions go beyond what can be described. I also like this idea of the letters that she sends back in order to prove to herself that it’s all real.
My only word of caution might be about the last line, which compared to the rest of the prologue is a bit melodramatic. I felt drawn in by the narrative voice all until that last line when I suddenly became aware that you, as the author, are attempting to manipulate my feelings to achieve a certain result. Obviously, this will always be the goal of any author, but it shouldn’t be so obvious that your readers notice it. When it’s noticeable then it’s like suddenly being kicked out of the world that you were drawing me into and I lose interest in reading. It’s a fine line to walk.
Other than that last line, the opening is excellent. You could probably even just end it without the line and it would work just as well and avoid the melodrama problem. Right. I shall read on now!
| eyeoftherose09 chapter 6 . 12/22/2006
Well, I am a bit sad. Peter that manwhore. JUST KIDDING! I'll be patient and wait. ;) I'm actually surprised, I just thought - hey, I'll go look at this story again and BAM! An update! I must not've gotten an email about it or maybe I missed it. Either way, it was a good chapter. Well-written as always! I was a tad surprised when they said they found a body though. Captian Hook seems like...quite a character. But I'll wait, I'll wait! D Please update soon!
| Britt Woods chapter 6 . 12/21/2006
This story is amazing. I enjoyed reading it so much. I've always loved the story of Peter Pan and I truly adored your spin on the characters. I liked Peter's character a lot in the beginning of the story - especially in his first few conversations with Wendy - and I'm anxious to see the side you began revealing in chapter 5. I don't know what to think of him and I like that mystery. Please update soon!
| eggsbenni221 chapter 5 . 12/19/2006
Yes, I think I understand it about the letters now. I just didn't get it before. I love how Peter makes everything so simple, so uncomplicated. I wonder when that's finally going to rub off on wendi.
| eyeoftherose09 chapter 5 . 12/17/2006
Ha ha...thanks for your review also, I'd been so busy I'd forgotten to reply back (You can't reply back on a school computer, and I forget when I get home).
I think I love Peter! He's such a funny character. ::possible stupid question alert:: Is the romance between he and Wendy? Sorry if that's not a very intellegient question, ha ha.
But I really, really, love this story. It's so funny, seeing Wendy and Peter interact, and then it's sad when it switches back to Deborah. Please update soon!
| eyeoftherose09 chapter 4 . 12/12/2006
I really, REALLY like this story. Please continue soon, it's very enjoyable. I understand Deborah's pain and Wendy's frustration with Peter. He seems like a very interesting character, but of course Peter Pan would be. D Does Deborah not have a husband though?
| eggsbenni221 chapter 4 . 12/12/2006
Peter is so irritating, such a typical boy, but I love him. :)
And aren't you going to tell us what's in the letter? I'm dying over here!
Enjoy your winter brake. Tis the time for writing. I'm trying to update too. :)
| eggsbenni221 chapter 3 . 12/5/2006
oh come on! You can't do that! Give me more! lol
Great chapter. I'm loving your description of the boy, who I'm going to call Peter Pan unless you give him another name:o)
| eggsbenni221 chapter 2 . 7/21/2006
Wow, she's adopted? Hmm, interesting. I sort of feel bad for Debra. That whole thing kind of blew up in her face. I can feel a certain amount of suspense building up here. Wendy keeps stressing that she's not going anywhere yet, which leads me to believe she doesn't even know the half of it. Well good job, hope to read more!
| Margot Tenenbaum chapter 2 . 7/13/2006
o I'm def. curious is getting better and better! i like how you're able to convey and reveal the emotions of deborah and wendy, yet you don't showcase every single detail, thus making the reader still curious and interested as to what's going on and what everyone is thinking. did that make any sense? haha. anyway, update soon!
| penster chapter 1 . 6/24/2006
I love Peter Pan, so I really really can't wait!
| Margot Tenenbaum chapter 1 . 6/13/2006
use of word choice...use of detail...everything.i'm update soon!
| eggsbenni221 chapter 1 . 6/11/2006
Hmm, well, it's short, but i'm already wondering about this mysterious person who stands on the ledge and watches and waits. I love the image of the "trail of stars they left behind". It's beautiful! Very poetic. Fits well into the fantacy genre. good job! Keep going with this!