|Reviews for Tel More|
| W3DNESDAY chapter 1 . 6/14/2004
battle poems are the best! and i've never actually read one on ficpress.. kudos!
the only problems here involve spelling and grammar, which i'm a stickler for..
first of all.. not all of the lines need commas at the end. i think some of them (especially the shorter ones) would o a lot better without the comma, but that's ur call
i'm not entirely sure but i think deep set is spelled with a hyphen, yup, i just looked it up
"when my ears hath ring" ..it's "rung"
here, i think if you want to be grammatically correct while still work the aesthetic side of it.. you should say "have rung", i know i know! i LOVE the "hath"..so do whatever feels right to you
"fleding"? do you mean fleeing?
i'm not entirely sure what the "issued from my lips so pure" has to do with ur poem..the "so pure" part, i mean
"my gown blood stained" should be "my gown, blood-stained"
"fleeing froma mere woman's strong heart" is wordy.. cut it down a little
"deciet" is "deceit"
"metalic" is "metallic"
"fallens" should have an apostrophe at the end
"there after" is "thereafter"
i know, i know.. what's the deal with the grammar? it's just a minor pet peeve.. that's why i've gone through them all..whoo! long review!
haha, review my story too!
| Selena Benilo chapter 1 . 6/27/2001
Aw, so beautiful! I think I've reviewed most of yo ! Damn!
| Kiryea chapter 1 . 3/1/2001
A poem to, perhaps, a story you might want to elaborate on (if you haven't already done so). Very cool imagery.