|Reviews for A Fine Line|
| HolyCatty chapter 10 . 7/6/2008
Mia is so amusing and interesting...Its fun to read this story XD Good Luck and don't give up
| violet-eyez chapter 10 . 5/25/2008
so finally some kind of other chemistry
| akaCHEEKS chapter 10 . 5/24/2008
haha duude! i love that line "if someone would let me finish my explanation, you'd know why! and stop calling god all the time; he's sick of hearing from you!" haha. loove that part!
| g chapter 10 . 5/21/2008
finally, theyre getting somewhere
| AMM3485 chapter 10 . 5/21/2008
Yay! It begins! lol. I love this chapter and I can't believe that she broke three plasmas and all she had to say when he caught her was oops hahaha, nice job!
| shesaidhi chapter 9 . 4/27/2008
i really like this.
wonder what happened mia.
keep up the good work!
| Regin chapter 9 . 4/9/2008
I Like, I Lust,I Love!Please Update Soon!
| FM Radio chapter 9 . 3/27/2008
ERGH! You are killing me here! I want to know! I WANT TO KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS! UGH! I don't care how long it takes you to finish this, as long as you don't put this on hiatus! *gasps* KNOCK ON WOOD *knocks on wood* UPDATE UPDATE
| violet-eyez chapter 9 . 3/27/2008
what's her reason for not going to a doc?
| akaCHEEKS chapter 9 . 3/25/2008
aaw. personally i would want her to end up with her best friends instead of stephen.. he's been with her longer and gave up more things for her. he deserves to be with her.
| Leaving Fictionpress chapter 1 . 3/25/2008
I strongly dislike people that read one chapter of a story and then stop without telling you why, so I thought I'd let you know. First off, your plot is fairly original and seems really interesting. I think with a little development, it could be a really strong story. However, you make some kind of amateurish mistakes that made me lose interest.
You come across as a bit obsessed with descriptions right at the start. It's okay to make readers wait a little before finding out what the characters look like, you know. It adds to the suspense and makes the story a little longer, because you aren't compressing important information into one paragraph. You went a little overboard emphasizing the hotness of the male lead; one adjective describing his looks is really enough, but a whole paragraph on the definition of beauty is redundant.
Also, don't name-drop so much. For example, don't try to claim that name-brand items such as iPods are manufactured by an imaginary company. Make up an mp3 player that's recently begun to outsell iPods, if you want.
I had a comment here about her age, but I glanced at the next chapter by accident and learned that it was a common complaint and you did it for a reason. I thought about it more and realized that my original point was related more to her behavior. She seems rather immature; she's very rude for no apparent reason and doesn't seem to know how to play the game very well. This is not a teenager trait, it's a rude person trait. It makes the idea of a sophisticated businessman falling for her a bit implausible.
Also, make her a programming prodigy, or something. It is highly implausible that the company has grown to the size it clearly is without an efficient filing and delivery system. It is, in fact, so implausible that it detracts from the story line. A good rule of thumb: If you're going to be inaccurate about something, make sure that it's at least borderline realistic.
I'm sorry - Please don't interpret this as a flame. I must sound terribly critical, and I don't want to - I just want to be completely clear. And I really liked the summary and plot or I wouldn't have clicked on the link. I don't want to condescend to you. I ended up deleting the first two stories I put up on FictionPress because so much of the writing made me cringe, and nobody ever told me anything was wrong with it so I never knew how to fix it. I'd hate for you to look at this story two or three years from now and feel the same way. Good luck with your writing, and please do keep updating.
| sousie chapter 9 . 3/25/2008
keep it up i love this story
| AMM3485 chapter 9 . 3/25/2008
Oh my gosh! I loved Stephen in this chapter!
| kingrankar76 chapter 9 . 3/25/2008
Oh God! I really wanna know about Mia's past. Can you please update soon? I loved this chapter.
| SallyShoe chapter 8 . 3/23/2008
I absolutly adore your story. It is witty, comical, and to my pleasure not a well used plot. I shall eagerly await the next instalment so that I may see just where your story leads.
Keep on writing,
P.s. I am very well aware of the fact that I am unable to spell, I have been cursed with this disorder, commanly called mespellgoodnotia it is very rare and none has yet to find a cure I am afraid, ever since I was a baby.