|Reviews for Fateful Friday|
| DesCartes chapter 19 . 1/17
Sorry for the lack of paragraphs in that review... that was one WALL of text. Still, I hope it helps you.
| DesCartes chapter 20 . 1/17
So I wasn't gonna leave a review, but I got far enough into your AN that I decided to. It's also because of a thought I had around the fifth or sixth chapter, and while I know that's a bit away, I feel like it's kinda still relevant.
So, this thought: This is a well-written story. Your writing is pretty damn good, flows well, all that. But the story. I'm not saying that the plotline was disconnected or anything- again, that was at least fairly well-done. Just the doubts at the end, when Pat comes over and all, seemed a bit overkill. It kind of makes the story drag a little. Maybe you meant it to settle some things about the relationship once and for all, but... eh. I feel like with how well done the rest of the story is, you could've done that in a way that seems less like it has no point but to draw out the story. And then the fact that... this is a very typical high school romance story. The Kyle bit makes it sort of less so, but you have a lot of stereotypes in here, and not much representation of anyone aside from your white, straight, at least fairly attractive characters, as near as I can tell. If you are one of the people who thinks gay/bi/whatever is... uh... sinful? Bad? A choice? A mental disorder (I'm talking gender here, but y'know)? Just...uh... disregard the straight part. (Trying to be inoffensive here, but, uh... I might be massively failing. Sorry.) The inattentive parents thing is a BIG stereotyoe that is often portrayed badly, and you did it okay at the beginning (maybe include more about how she feels about it? vs. just the cynical thing without any feeling that she ignores which shows that it bothers her. Sorry, that was super vague. Like, my mom is never home. My chest feels tight, but I ignore it. That sort of thing, only you should probably make it sound better and elaborate just a teensy little bit), and better at the end with the 'Of course I want to keep the baby!' thing. And as well, there wasn't much side plot going on. Maybe Leslie actually had something going on with her family, or a guy, or hell, maybe a girl! Her self-identity, depression, cancer in the family. Or Kristin, or Mary, or something. I got a bit confused between the girl characters at times, so maybe some more visual cues (i.e. brown hair, signature jacket, too much perfume, somethin') would be good, too. Then just... depth. It feels kinda two dimensional. Like, yeah, you can say she hates it when they fight, but you can also be like her stomach twisted as she listened to the yelling, and she jammed in a pair of earbuds, turning up the volume. So I guess the 'show, not tell,' thing. But then if you want to write something that leaves people with more than just the warm fuzzies of a happy ending, maybe with a little more inner satisfaction, you might wanna have her lacking something in herself or her life at the beginning, and have her find it at the end. Her parents are a good thing to play off of in that respect. She might lack some self-esteem (but I'm a hypocrite for suggesting that, after complaining about the cliches), feel lonely or unhappy at home (although Rosa is there, or something along those lines. Although those aren't great suggestions.
So I guess basically what I'm trying to say is, make the story more three dimensional, where each character has their own life, and there are more than just basic differences between them; where you show things, not tell them; cut unnecessary things (mainly the end); and, maybe just some contentment to the end. I hope I got everything in that sentence.
And keep writing! Despite how long this essay of mostly criticism is, you really are quite good.
| Guest chapter 20 . 7/10/2016
I really like your story!
| MileyRowling chapter 20 . 6/2/2016
Great story! I really enjoyed it!
| somersaultkick chapter 20 . 11/6/2015
The ending is so perfect. Ughh so cute and lovely.
| somersaultkick chapter 11 . 11/6/2015
And that was the best birthday gift ever ahahahahaha
| somersaultkick chapter 5 . 11/5/2015
Just because your boyfriend doesn't shower you compliments (specifically hair) while other guy does doesn't mean it won't make sense. Sigh, young love... believing everything must go their way xD
| Guest chapter 15 . 7/17/2015
oh dear. what a mess.
kyle, fuck off before i sic my army of cats on you to eat your face.
no one touches angie/alex.
| Guest chapter 13 . 7/17/2015
oh my God.
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 20 . 1/23/2015
I personally enjoyed this story! It was well written and the characters were very likable! Great work!
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 12 . 1/13/2015
Oh, I like how things are and have been heating up!
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 3 . 1/3/2015
I really am liking this story! I already sense a love triangle coming on...
| PencilsCameras chapter 20 . 11/18/2014
Well... yeah. I love it.
| cassiealan34 chapter 20 . 1/17/2014
Kyle scared me for a little there, I thought he would do something to hurt her. I really like this story though, I'm so happy for McFadden... Urgh I mean Alex :P
| xxSongBirdxx chapter 20 . 1/4/2014
Very sweet now off to read the story about Alex nearly cheating on her