|Reviews for How to survive a paranormal research centre|
| billyez26 chapter 1 . 6/20/2006
I kind of speed-read through this, but I still found it to be mildly entertaining. I like the voice of your character. A somewhat sarcastic guy who's just going through the motions of life. Most importantly, he has a sense of humor.
Yes, you do have some grammar troubles here and there: "...a blanc look" "I was cutting bushes when happened ma fourteenth...". It doesn't detract horribly from the story, but a good look-over would be nice. Sorry though, I have too much on my plate (and too many stories that have been sitting around) to be a beta reader at the moment.
Anyway, some scenes are kind of questionable to me. Like the bush bursting in flames. At first, I was wondering why the main character had such a subdued response, and thought that it was something you should work on, but now I realize that the main character of this story is a pretty "boring, emotionless" guy who leads an unspectacular life, so, in actuality, the way you describe it in his perspective helps build his character.
I talk too much, sorry. Anyway, work on some of that grammar, and you'll be just fine. I think your writing is a little unpolished, but has the potential to shine.
Gosh, that's corny.
| Xelena chapter 1 . 6/19/2006
well now. that was a very engaging beginning.
| Marinus chapter 1 . 6/18/2006
Very interesting start - I like your ability to weave in deadpan humour. This is definitely a story to watch, in my opinion, so please continue with it.
| miss understanding chapter 1 . 6/18/2006
Word that makes choco one happy tuna: paranormal! I love ghosts!
I would only be too happy to review and, since you mention that you would like a proofread, I'll do some editing too, if you don't mind. _
Okay: 'see him arrive or go back to the emptiness he come from'
Should be: 'CAME from'
Here: (feel the big D it start with)
Should be: feel the big D it starts with
Here: doing I don't know what that included numbers
Should be: doing who knows what, which included
Here: watching silly show on TV
Should be: shows, right? _
Hahahahaha. I agree, school really does try to brainwash you and they aren't very subtle about it either. Drinking is bad. Sex is bad. Equal rights is good. America is good. Blah blah blah.
I like his silly-quiz show, too. He has a very cynical sense of humor which makes for an interesting read.
Here: so-called teacher shoot them a blanc look
Should be: so-called teacher would shoot them a blank look
Here: Now come the interesting part
Should be: Now comes the interesting part
Here: I was cutting bushes when happened ma fourteenth almost-died experience.
Should be: I was cutting bushes when my fourteen would-be death experience happened.
Here: It's only there that I remembered that it's rude to stare at people.
Should be: It's only then that I remembered that it's rude to stare at people
So it looks like you've got a good supernatural plot running along here. I've got to run and clean my bathroom now (violent shudder) but I like what you've done with this. All you need to do is watch out for your grammar.
Great story! xchoco