|Reviews for This Is My Rifle|
| Moot chapter 1 . 7/19/2006
This is quite an interesting concept, and I don't think I've had the pleasure of reading a story with a similar plot.
I like the Latin; it rolls off the tongue, in both Latin and the less archaic English.
However, some plots points seem flawed. For example, if Command can read the AI's thought processes, and the tank is unmanned, one would assume Command is controlling the tank. If Command is controlling the tank, then it isn't going to expose a critical point of failure to the AI after discovering the plan to exploit said point of failure. Moreover, the AI abruptly drops the subject of the Tarkhan, leaving it unresolved in favor of the conversation with Command.
Also, if Command can track the AI, one would assume that, since there is such a high level of technology, soldiers and vehicles would have HUDs displaying tactical information, which would include the source of the tracking signal. The soldiers, perhaps, might not be able to use this extremely advantageously, but the tank and the helicopter would presumably open fire immediately after attaining line of sight as they would have plenty of time to aim prior to LOS acquisition.
Now some nitty gritty bits. I noticed a typo at the very end of your piece: "The sewers were /strait/ ahead. I could survive by..."
Another mild point: "Because the SMG was a close range weapon, I would simply be careful not to let him in too close. The SPAW-3 could shred a faceplate at close enough range." 'Close' is used thrice in just as many sentence fragments. You might consider finding a synonym or two.
One last gripe: "Correction: You are the AI." This sentence feels sloppy. For one thing, the capital doesn't belong after the colon. For another, the dialogue doesn't merit the term "correction." Perhaps "clarification" would fit?
| Mbwun chapter 1 . 6/25/2006
Rad story. Unique technology (I particularly liked the autoarms) and a wicked twist at the end. I will say, though, it's rife with typos.
| Aneomon chapter 1 . 6/22/2006
Wow, this is the ultimate sci-fi! Seriously, keep going! The emotions were perrect, but people or robots usually take at least some damage in this scenario, but seeing as the AI didn't, he's obviously a pro. Very well done!
| an odd phrase chapter 1 . 6/21/2006
This story was excellent. I loved the twists and your handle of technological warfare terminology is obviously phenomenal-it certainly added a flavor and a texture to the story that made it compelling. However, I was slightly hesitant/dubious about the beginning. Oh, the phrase is fine-inviting, even. It certainly made me want to read it. However, it gave me a slightly different impression about the story than I thought it would be. Maybe it adds a certain air of irony about the story, because the main character actually IS the rifle, and therefore... the irony of the mantra. However, it was the ending that really seemed out of sync with the beginning. I liked the last sentence, but the second to last, "If one more of these Extraction Teams has the misfortune of finding me, I shall insure that they see the business end of my rifle."... ehh. Little too forced. I did like how you tied it in-the title and the beginning wouldn't have made sense otherwise. However, the title itself felt a little... off with the story, itself. "This Is My Rifle" sounds like it's going to be a Brothers At Arms or Band of Brothers type story, when in fact it's more of a Ghost in a Shell/ Noir / AI gone wrong kind of story. Reworking that bit is the only suggestion I have to this otherwise almost completely flawless and entertaining short story-which I think could make a very entertaining and exciting adventure-novel :). Two thumbs way, way up.
| Radio Saturday chapter 1 . 6/21/2006
Wow. This is really cool. Up until the ending, it was like "Starship Troopers" and "The Bourne Identity" spawned. I liked it a lot. Will there be more, or is this a one-shot?
Also, a mistake I noticed - in the last paragraph you put "strait" instead of "straight." But other than that, this is really well done. It hooked me pretty well from the first sentence. The Rifleman's Creed was cool.
By the way, I also enjoyed your column about how to write science fiction. A lot ofit made me laugh really hard. Thanks for put good stuff on here!
| Needs Therapy chapter 1 . 6/21/2006
Cool sotry. I love sentient AI stories. I'd love to see where you take this. I agree, you hav a way of describing everything without boring the pants off me.
| LightningFlash21 chapter 1 . 6/21/2006
Well written. Alot of mystery in it. You are good at describeing things during the story so that u dont bore the reader.