Reviews for The Assassin's Creed
chasing givenchy chapter 13 . 9/17/2009
Conner was easily my favourite character, and any story told by him would be worth the read. That being said…

The very first chapter promised that the ensuing story would be dramatic, bleak, dark and solemn, very, very Baroque; even the impish entrance of Conner didn't alleviate that, but the arrival of Erynn made me go all "Ahh … so there IS scope for good dialogue here." She's one of the rays of light, the saving graces of the story: her humour and sense of timing is impeccable, and the Lysander-Erynn banter doesn't need to be romantic at all to be enjoyable.

One of the basic differences between fantasy universes like Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings is the use of characters and humour: strong characterisation in both, but LotR is heavy on the brain after a while. I was especially pleased to find lightweight moments in this one (wish there were more "schooling blurbs") because it made the reading faster and more engrossing.

The plot was minimal in this, but interesting. I like how it was presented, especially the orientation and the second and third chapters. Their schooling seemed very, very rushed, and that's why more classroom-snippets would have been a good idea. The passage of time is extremely uncertain. Ditto for ages; it just springs up out of nowhere.

For a person so skilled at blending in, Lysander doesn't have any friends, even superficial ones, except Erynn. The romantic angle was a little bit too forced, too.

Erynn's sisters were lovely, and the hint of court intrigue too. The final culmination was brilliant and hooking, especially with Lysander assuming the role of the god of death like that and the articulate brevity of the last two lines.

Infodump is right, especially with Lysander's history; it was a good idea to split it into two, but a lot of it could have been cut back on. It's as if this is the last part of a saga, and some character is reciting the achievements of some great hero of the previous books. (Example in point, James Clavell's "Asian Saga" but that's neither here nor there.)

Also, there was a smattering of typos, but overall nice, well-written in its articulation. Lysander wasn't very relatable, but definitely believable.
WyrdWolf chapter 12 . 1/24/2007
Good to see that Lysander's nice enough to care for his horse. That kind of thing lifts my spirits a bit, even if it's just in fiction. I can't help but picture Lysander in all Arab drab riding on a camel, I just can't. Forgive me.

'...but by revealing his combat prowess would rob him of the element of surprise.' Would be a good idea to lose the 'by'.

Lysander's quite smooth with the innkeeper-I assume he's an old hand at this kind of thing?

The dream well expressed Lysander's concern for Tanith, as far as it could, at any rate. Rather touching, really, to see his harsh lifestyle contrasted by this.

Makleveh is unbelieveably skilled. The fight was well written, showing that it happened quickly yet giving enough detail to be blood-rushing.

I figured Malkeveh was Lysander, but then I dismissed that, but now he is. I think...a bit confusing at that part, but my conclusion is that Malkeveh is an alias of Lysander. Aha. Very interesting and compelling.

WyrdWolf chapter 11 . 1/18/2007
Ah, the dauntless Lysander is...well...daunted by the prospect of-*shudder*-manners. Me, too. Erynn gave him some good advice, though.

“I think the point is that I don’t have table manners.”

“Well, then don’t fall back on killing people, please.”


Ah, meeting the parents. Already the judgment is harsh and annoying Lysander.

“Not at Riversend,” he said, then noticed his brusque tone and added, “my apologies, milady.”

I'm fairly certain 'my' should be capitalized, because he technically broke off after 'Riversend.' If it were something like 'actually' instead of 'my apologies', then it wouldn't have to be capitalized.

I like the sister trio name similarites. They roll off the tongue, and it's easier to keep track of the fact that they're related.

Well, Aelyn certainly seems to have taken a liking to Lysander. Erynn's not going to let her make the slightest pass at him, though, so that's good.

Well done chapter. Most long ones lost their substance at the last stretch, but you kept it up.

WyrdWolf chapter 10 . 1/11/2007
Ah, so Lysander did decide to tell her. luckily, he's not completely tactless.

The distribution of the weapons! Glorious day! The feeling like a kid again is the perfect emotion to describe such an opportunity. Interesting fact that their weapons are forged by a god-no downside to that.

It's a big day, graduation. The tension was palpable even through writing.

The only errors I caught are these. When you narrate and end with a comma, like, 'He jumped and said, "Blah..." make sure you capitalize the first word in the quotation marks. It seems like you needn't, but you do.

WyrdWolf chapter 9 . 1/5/2007
Lysander went pseudo pirate there for a bit-well, you gotta do what you gotta do. Also, when Volker said, "Guilty conscious?", I think that should be 'conscience.' that just what it sounds like? People who capture others and enslave them? Probably, but it sounds like they have other operations underway, somewhat...

It's good to see that Lysander does have some chivalry left in him...hope Erynn doesn't go off with someone else because of Lysander's hesitance, though...

WyrdWolf chapter 8 . 12/22/2006
Heh, a little surprise meeting for Erynn and Lysander, but not in a bad way. Lysander is more skilled than I expected him to be-that was a great Smoke trick. Erynn really wasn't expecting it at all; she was beaten, just like that.

A second match-up sounds like an interesting thought...

WyrdWolf chapter 7 . 12/18/2006
Alright! Lysander's got his skills-well, they're starting to develop, at least, so it's a start.

Wow...harsh on the poison, but it's actually a really good idea-I'm sure Lysander will end up being thankful for it, even though he had to go through so much suffering.

I'd apologize for my long review intervals, but by now, that's probably just getting old.

WyrdWolf chapter 6 . 12/12/2006
Hee, wow. Volker's really got some neat skills...good call on the fact that hand gestures are unnecessary-I'd always felt that they were a bit showboat-y.

Hm, Lysander has had an interesting past, hm? The large paragraphs of his speaking became a bit tedious-it might better to break them with him or Volker motioning or shifting at some point, so there aren't too many like that. I do look forward to reading more of Lysander's past.

WyrdWolf chapter 5 . 12/6/2006
The first line-the woman's dialogue-was very clever. It sparked.

'It wasn’t as if he didn’t unbalanced as it was.' Very confusing sentence there-honestly, I couldn't make sense out of it. Something to fix if it hasn't been pointed out already.

This whole chapter kind of jumped around-I'm assuming it was a basic layout of Lysander's day at Umbriss. Right? it might have been beetr to distinguish where he was and, more importantly, how he had gotten there with more clarity. Still, though, the discussions through the school gave insight as to what they're really about and how they do their schooling well, and the chapter was intriguing.

WyrdWolf chapter 4 . 11/27/2006
I'm sorry; I'm not usually such a sporadic reviewer, but I will be until I finally get back into a good flow now that NaNo's over.

I wonder what Volker's talking about, too-a war with no beginning and HOPEFULLY no end? It sounds like he's looking for a conflict.

The eight elements is a very cool thing; the half-elements had me grinning with a 'this is really cool' grin. So that's what the Praeme's color deal is.

This is all very cool and has a million possibilities-I really want to go on right now, but I have English homework: a diagram for a Critical Lens of Lord of the Flies. _ This is looking to be quite the story, and the writing is top notch, too. *fav*

WyrdWolf chapter 3 . 11/22/2006
Argh, I'm sorry. *droops* I've been doing NaNo all month (how are you dloing at that, by the way) and I just finished a couple days ago, so now I can finally continue with this!

Erynn and Priam, a couple of Lysander's new assassin buddies. Erynn's royalty, eh? I wonder why she was sent to Umbriss, then. Lysander seems to have a colorful past on him-I kind of figured that maybe his death was unjust, but apparently not.

This Praeme stone is a really important article, it seems-it's like holding your heart in your hand, in essence.

Very cool. I look forward to more.

Daedalin chapter 13 . 11/11/2006
With as overdone as the concept of an "Assassin's Guild" sort of organization is, I'd come into this story not expecting all that much.

I was pleasantly surprised, to use the simplest phrase. Umbriss is an excellent execution of the concept, and the characters you had residing there were brilliant. They were actually people as opposed to cliches, an odd rarity in fantasy fiction.

There were some parts that to me seemed too short, namely the half-year spent learning at Umbriss, but you gave your own reasons for that in your final thoughts, and I agree- for the most part- with them.

Thanks for writing this, I think it may have been the sort of thing I needed to read to get back into my own writing!

(And just a by-the-by, did you pull the names Lysander and Tanith out of the Warhammer 40k universe?)
RtDK chapter 12 . 11/6/2006
I was GOING to review last chapter, but since I saw that I was only one away from the closer, I decided to hold onto it.


The Lysander/Erynn at the castle moments were warm (sometimes outright steamy) and fun. I always love a little romantic interaction personally. It's always what makes a read worthwhile and memorable when it's written well enough.

Obscure at first? Sure. Effective? You bet.

You sure weren't generous with the details throughout the story, as several months have gone by in a few relatively short set of twelve chapters. It gets better in the later chapters, but in the future, a little more explanation may be beneficial.

To add the icing on the cake though, you wrapped up quite nicely with the old man killing "daddy dearest". It was brief for a climax, for sure, but hey-I'm looking forward to the welcome home he gets from Erynn.

(So, if Erynn marries him . . . and she rides off into the sunset with him, would that make him a prince, or a Lord, or would the King just finally be getting rid of her extra daughter? No matter which direction ya take it, I think most everyone will wind up happy.)

Alexius, hm? "You've come to kill me."

Well, that rolled right off of his tongue. Wonder how long he's been waiting for the day. Lysander kicked everyone's butts. Not too bad at all, I must say.

This was probably one of my OTHER favorite chapters, simply for a slightly more extensive fight scene, and also for the closure given in it. Alexius got what he deserved, Lysander can go home to Erynn now, and everyone lives happily ever after.

Bravo. Job well done. Hopefully my story can satisfy you like yours did me.

OVERALL: 8.8/10
RtDK chapter 10 . 11/6/2006
Kewl. Graduation day.

Nicely written . . . and . . .



PS: Forgot my lame mandatory keep-up-the-good-work banter. Lysander's complaints about dressing up were pretty funny there at the end.
RtDK chapter 9 . 11/6/2006
Interesting past Ly has. In a nutshell, basically, that's all Volker says this whole chapter.

And you're just reading my mind, moving Erynn and old-man Lysander closer to each other. Forthwith, this is my nickname for him, so start getting used to it.

All seriousness due, this was another fine glimpse into the old man's past. The fact that he has such a varied history makes it easy to stay interested. A little more detail wouldn't hurt, but the highlight, I suppose, is the fact that Erynn is being compared to his sister was a nice focal point as to why he loves her.

Heheh. The 'ol fart loves Erynn. I was right from the second chapter.

Let's see where this takes us.

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