Reviews for The Easiest Thing
SwordoftheKing chapter 11 . 3/14/2008
Wee! Good chapter, love the developments here! Much, much fun to read! Well, ish... it's sort'a depressing and all, but it's great to have such lifelike characters! Now- NOTES!

"Mrs Doyle came to Roberta the Sunday" here- 'the' is out of place as it's written now. 'the next sunday would work, or even just removing 'the' altogether.

"She did and clambered up beside her younger sister on the bed." It'd probably work better to have a comma after 'did'.

"Evelyn did not tell Roberta about the shattered china ornament but did assure her; almost defensively that she had been taking her medication." the semi-colon doesn't work here- I'd suggest replacing it with a comma, and maybe putting in another one after 'defensively' as well.

ON WE GO! Er... maybe in a bit though, I'll return after resting a while to read the remainder.
SwordoftheKing chapter 10 . 3/14/2008
Yay! Character history! Is very good. I really am enjoying this quite a bit! Now...

"Only you told Marjorie you needed my help with a legal matter." 'Only you' should probably be 'You only'.

"After closing the door after her, still in an almost daze about what she had said, he sat down in his swivel chair." You use 'after' twice in the same sentence- it's redundant, and makes it less pleasant to read than it could be. I'd suggest switching the second 'after' to 'behind'. And 'still in an almost daze' is clumsy wording- it would flow better if you either nix the 'almost' or move it around. 'still almost in a daze' would work well enough.

MOVING ON!
SwordoftheKing chapter 9 . 3/14/2008
So... Still good! On with notes!

"Mr Doyle sighed as he unclasped his silver Rolex and laid it on the bedside table; a long-term sufferer of his wife’s constant vexations." The way this is written, it reads that the bedside table is a long-term sufferer of his wife’s constant vexations. I'm guessing you actually mean Mr Doyle, so it'd work better with something mentioning him after the semi-colon. ('he was a' would work well enough.)

"After rinsing the froth from his mouth he returned to the bedroom where Collette was still sat bolt upright in bed, her book laid to one side, geared for further confrontation." 'sat' should be 'sitting' to match the tenses.
SwordoftheKing chapter 8 . 3/14/2008
Hmm... very interesting... I LIKES!

Some'at to note- "“You mean, you want to stop your counselling sessions.” she inquired, voice lilted very so slightly so it was stilled phrased as a question." if she's inquiring, there's no real need to mention it being a question- it's sort'a redundant. Other than that- 'counselling' should be 'counseling', 'lilted very so' doesn't work... it should probably be 'lilting ever so', and 'stilled' should be 'still'.

On I go!
SwordoftheKing chapter 7 . 3/14/2008
Wee! Is fun... another good chapter. Only thing to mention isn't actually part of the story- at the bottom, when talking to a reader, it'd be easier if ya put a line of - or something between story and out of story, else it's really confusing when just reading along.

Now for more!
SwordoftheKing chapter 6 . 3/14/2008
Hmm... well written, but not much to say about it.

Just thought to note- "She made an incoherent, stuttering apology, grabbed the bag and left the room in such a hurry she stumbled on the way out." might flow better with a 'that' before 'she'.

(She made an incoherent, stuttering apology, grabbed the bag and left the room in such a hurry that she stumbled on the way out.)

On to more!
SwordoftheKing chapter 5 . 3/14/2008
He-hee... Must say, I definitely agree with Evelyn. Might'a even stayed in public schooling if I'd had a teacher like Craig.

GREAT CHAPTER!

As for notes- just a personal opinion to mention- "It was Helena who, as Evelyn saw when she lent to one side and craned her neck, wore an expression of rigid determination." it would probably be better with a comma directly after 'Helena' as well. Just, well... due to grammatical whatever, right now it reads-

'It was Helena who wore an expression of rigid determination.'

and I think it'd be better as

'It was Helena, who wore an expression of rigid determination.'

Other than that... LOVING IT SO FAR!
SwordoftheKing chapter 4 . 3/14/2008
Yay classroom violence! Nowait...

Anywho- still good! Is really quite enjoyable overall. I'm quite glad I stumbled across this...

On to notes!

First thing to note- I would highly recommend moving the first four paragraphs to the previous chapter, or somewhere else, as it's still talking about the previous chapter's subject, and has nothing to do with the subject appearing directly after, in the fifth paragraph and beyond.

Next- "They would only start on him only when deprived of some better form of entertainment. But sometimes they would prolong their vicious torture of him over three days or more at a stretch." nix the second 'only'- it's redundant and confusing.

Then- "The rest of the children already in the classroom averted their eyes from the scene, twangs of guilt stabbing their stomach yet too cowardly to raise a voice in protest." The second part of the sentence doesn't work right as worded- I would suggest simply re-writing it. And note at the same time, stomach should be plural, as you're wording suggests you're talking about all of them.

Now- "He and Alex left; Alex shooting a last burning look at Hitch’s which promised repercussions at a later date." shooting a last burning look at Hitch's... at Hitch's what? If you're going to use a possesive from, you have to mention something being possessed. Hitch's face, Hitch's direction, SOMEthing. Or just nix the 's... though you'd need to put a comma there in that case.

And finally- "His hand was swollen beads of perspiration glittered just below his hairline." Needs... more punctuation, I think. Maybe just a comma, but that's up to you- just something. 'Cause right now, it reads that his hand was perspiration, and that just doesn't work.

ON I GO!
SwordoftheKing chapter 3 . 3/14/2008
Two things- firstly...

"“We can smooth over this, we can tell the parents it is a class project, asking them to find evidence to support the fact that the Jewish holocaust didn’t...”" It would probably be easier read if you switched 'smooth over this' to 'smooth this over', just because it's more commonly heard as such.

Secondly- I absolutely love Miss Craig. She is freakin' awsome.

MORE! Is reading on now...
SwordoftheKing chapter 2 . 3/14/2008
Good, still good. Yay! Half the time when I start reading stories here, the first chapter is good enough to make me read the ones after... and then, ones after, make me loathe humanity. I'm so incredibly glad yours story isn't like that. . Very good!

Just a couple things to note:

"Evelyn was silent during the first part of the meal, listening to the Rob telling Mum about how her campaign to become Head Girl was going and Jamie being lightly scolded for making a catapult out of the napkin holder and his peas." 'the Rob'? Not entirely sure, is this supposed to be a title of some sort, or just a fluke? If title, capitalize, and maybe explain. If fluke- well, just nix the 'the'.

Next- "“Wait a second,” Rob said. “You’re saying Craig’s telling you all Hitler did kill six million Jews?”" It would probably read easier here if you put a 'that' between 'all' and 'Hitler'.

Now... MOVING ON!
SwordoftheKing chapter 1 . 3/14/2008
Interesting, interesting... MUST READ MORE!

No actual errors noticed as of yet- though in my opinion it might be a little easier to read "She would, if she was feeling particularly vindictive treat her class to a provocative psycho-analysis of their teachers, including that of the headmistress and also a viperous yet entertaining rant about the sixth form prefects, all of whom she intensely disliked." if there were a comma after 'headmistress'
Xerza chapter 33 . 1/13/2008
I can honestly say I enjoy your writing style, you are clear and intriguing. In this story you have mastered the hook, stringing out the details, making the reader beg for more. Your characters are complex, but I feel they need to have more development. Your choice of subject matter is a difficult one, from within the insane, and I completely agree with the prospect your presenting this tale, the government may go to far. My favorite part so far has been with Craig when she made her statement to Glenn it was so dramatic. If you ever decide to publish this story I think someone will listen.
divinexglory chapter 31 . 3/30/2007
Oh my God. He can't do that... Wow; this is so good. I'm definitely still interested. Keep 'em comin'.
divinexglory chapter 30 . 3/30/2007
Ahh, how sad. I always thought it was never too late for sorry... poor Evelyn.
Wyngz chapter 29 . 3/22/2007
I really really like your story...novella thing. It's fascinating! And it really is refreshing to see a well thought out story on here. I mean, I assume it is well thought out and everything but even if it isn't, I like it. And...I know that it might not happen but...I hope cameron and evelyn get together because i'm a sap.
64 | Page 1 2 3 4 .. Last Next »