|Reviews for A Siren Call|
| pandorka42 chapter 1 . 7/6/2010
Aw, poop. I hope I get to read this somewhere another time.
| Distilledfx chapter 1 . 7/14/2008
Music is close to me and you use it to create such a calm and soothing scene. At first I wasn't sure about the 2nd person perspective but I soon realised your talented enough to just use to draw in the reader further. I wouldn't have read this if it hadn't have been for your summary, which inspired me on it's own. Nice work.
| Sekhra chapter 12 . 6/16/2008
Hey, there. Just wanted to say I completely agree with your previous reviewers- excepting "layne"- about the value of this story. You have definite talent and originality, as well as a refreshingly complex plot. I'm very very very impressed. I can understand about your uncertainty with posting it here. I have the same sort of doubts and I'm not half as good as you are.
As far as the story, I've got to admit: I absolutely hate second-person perspective. I find it incredibly presumptuous, annoying, and commanding. I hate being told what "I" feel and what "I" know. But your story is intriguing enough that I clung to a picture of a mermaid in my head and pretty much ignored the plentiful "you"s.
I find the interlocking of several mythologies very intriguing. Mythology is one of my favorite subjects, and I always like to mix it around. I'm currently trying to juxtapose ancient Biblical mythologies/beliefs with the modern day and modern concept of Hell, as well as working in some more "pagan" references. For example, the Ouroboros is a snake that links the two poles, or Gardens of Eden, in my story "For Sale." The version up on fp is horrid, partly because of my aforementioned nervousness. But anyway, just wanted to point out that I know where you're coming from, both with your anxiety and your writing.
The only thing I'm not really sure about is the whole modern day thing as you've pulled it. I don't have a problem with mixing modern day and ancient mythologies (obviously) but I'm not very impressed with Jason and co. so far. I'd have to read more, but I may have to wait until you get published, hmm? I can't exactly pinpoint what makes me dislike it, but I think it's just that if you're going to put it in modern day it makes sense to me to go with an urban environment- what makes modern modern. Jason as a guitar-strumming beach boy really doesn't intrigue me. I mean, obviously you'd have to get to the beach somehow because it's a liminal space between land and water, but I think I'd be more interested in the setting if you described Jason's land environment more. Especially if you're making the reader a mermaid, wouldn't that "you" be ready to go on and on about all these land things you've never seen before?
Sorry, I'm pretty sure I could build a reputation on the epic length of my reviews, but I hope I've gotten some kind of helpful opinion across. Good luck in your ventures.
| key of A major chapter 12 . 5/15/2008
just wanted to drop a line here, tell you how much I love how the storyis unfolding. I cant believe that you've decided not to post it up here indefinately, but well gotta do what you gotta do right? Well if you ever do publish feel free to let me know so i can get a signed copy from the author. Good luck and all that jazz
| kbxyz912345 chapter 1 . 4/19/2008
First thing's first.
I am sorry this is really late. I've been working on a story of my own, but I keep getting alerts for this story.
This first chapter is really intriguing and well written. It kind of mysteriously draws you in even though at first you don't have a clue. And I think it's because you write it in second person narrative...which is uncommon, but nicely so.
I'll keep reading!
| MeiLeeCalifornia chapter 12 . 4/10/2008
| Annabel chapter 12 . 4/5/2008
oh eff, don't listen to layne. I'm sure you know the quality of your story, just like all your readers do. this is a cut above YA fiction.
I love this story, because I love experimental storytelling, but if you feel like this is what you have to do, this is what you have to do. good luck!
| InSilverShadows chapter 1 . 4/4/2008
XD A lesson in seahorse mating habits perhaps? Though I dislike second-person, this was interesting enough that I came off enjoying it. :) I'll seek to read more when I can.
| Espionage In My Shoe chapter 12 . 4/3/2008
Okay, so don't listen to "layne" or whoever. They're just taking out their upset-ness at the absence of chapters in an immature way. ;) It's fine that you're wary, and I'm sure us readers will survive. No big deal.
Thanks for the heads-up! Knowing what you're thinking is a lot better than wondering what's going on. xD
| layne chapter 12 . 4/2/2008
that's quite narcissistic of you. i mean, maybe you could get this in some Young Adult section at a book store, but it's more just an internet website romance, rather than an actual publishable piece of literature. this AN just makes you sound ridiculous.
| Written chapter 12 . 4/2/2008
hey :) please don't take my word for it, but my idea was that once you publish, you can't leave the work up on FP. I think a few FP authors have done this, though I really can't remember.
I've also heard that previously publishing a work makes it ineligible for publishing again (and that includes publishing on fp...)
these are two contradictory pieces of information! if you find out the truth, let me know.
until then... :(
haha jk, I understand your decision :) please don't worry about it. If you DO get this published, I will be first in line at the book store!
| Irony Illuminator chapter 12 . 4/2/2008
Hey, that's totally okay. I understand; I was freaking out a while ago because I read on someone's profile that when you post stuff here on fictionpress, this site owns the first publishing rights or something, which apparently makes it difficult to get the story published... Anyway...
And I agree with you about this story having merit. If you had it published, I would buy it. Or get it from the library. Or whatever.
| Mell8 chapter 12 . 4/2/2008
Alright, here's how a lot of this stuff about copyright infringement goes. Most people on this site are nice, honest, readers who just want to read what you've written. Those who aren't are few and far between and there are plenty of ways you can make sure your work isn't stolen if they do try.
When you go to publish, and if they accept your work, you will have to take this down off the site. That's so that the only way for readers to get your work is by buying it.
Don't worry about someone stealing your stuff. It rarely happens and if it does there are things you can do to stop it.
I really like your idea of making an entire society of mermaids out of the many different legends/myths that so many varied cultures have created. It's a wonderful idea.
I also really like how you've based this in the real world rather than in the past as all other mermaid stories I've read are.
I really hope that this doesn't end like the fairy tale because that would be sad.
| infinitas chapter 11 . 1/25/2008
I'm interested in where this story is going. It's very original and well written. )
| Written chapter 11 . 12/12/2007
OH MY GOD. Gurden. . . er. . . Gary. . . is intense. Seriously WOW.
Not to pull out the old caps lock or anything.
I've seen your name around before, which means a long time ago, I must have read your work, but it's been ages since I've been on this site, so I really don't know if you've always been this good or what, but I just wanted to say that your writing is intense. And yes, my grammar does get awful when I get all excited about stories like this one.
The way you write is so incredibly emotional. Amazing. The use of second person really does it, for me. How do you DO that? I can't even use first person convincingly, and here you are using second person. amazing. Okay, now I'm just repeating words over and over, but that's a little better than really long run on sentences, right?
Yes. very creative writing style... and also very elegant. everything you write seems very deliberate.
I'm happy to have read this, thank you very much! I hope to read more from you later on.