|Reviews for A Siren Call|
| BlueCrystal chapter 11 . 8/14/2007
This story is so amazing. Keep it up. I love it.
| funsize chapter 11 . 8/14/2007
ah update! this way too good to be updated this sloiwly...
| The Breakdancing Ninja chapter 8 . 8/13/2007
Arg. I was just going to turn off my computer and sleep off the rest of the night, but I just clicked on the chapter out of curiosity and got sucked in again! Damn this magical story! It's weird, like a begrudging, but eager feeling? I don't know anymore. I'm emotionally unstable or something. And shaken up from that whole Rusalka mercenary business. That was fucking scary.
DUDE! Are they in Australia? I don't know anything about World Geography, but-wait. No. There aren't any rainforests in Australia, are there?
[Jason pulls the car into an alley, like the water byways of New Atlantis, and parks the jeep.] dude, can you like, put the "jeep" word in quotation marks? It's so stupid, but I think it would be comical if it were that way. No. I'm being retarded. Don't listen to me right now. I'm giddy. lmao
[His voice is strained with duplicity. “So nice to see you!”] That's probably one of the hugest advantages of being a mer person. Sound frequencies. All these sound frequencies with varying tones; I swear, the hum of that damn jeep probably is laced with emotion, too.
[“Sh-she’s my cousin,” he finally sputters, rather unbelievably, “From... Belgium...” Mrs. Goodly sets her hands on her hips. “She’s only visiting for a few days,” he adds.] LOL LOL
Figures this guy is American. roflmao!
[“Come on,” he says, guiding you the rest of the way up the stairs to his rented apartment] I think "rented apartment" should be replaced with "house/home/abode" because it isn't in my/Sasha's vocabulary. But like, we understand as readers that he lives in a place with a strict landlord. That's all we need to know, really. Arg! The paragraph is riddled with land-dweller jargon! I mean, not to say that Sasha's completely naive, but there are less complicated words that abstract the same forms. They have chairs, and tables, and places that look like familiar breakfast areas. I think the words are too specific.
It's just weird that this mermaid knows what a futon is and not a T.V. (i understand the T.V. is electrical, but like, what is the practical use for a mermaid to own a futon?).
[It doesn’t take much to gather that he wants you to put it on so you let the borrowed towel fall from your shoulders and reach for the shirt.] LOL LOL LMFAO (i am -so- immature lmao).
The bathroom door reminds me-how do mermaids defecate? That's a stupid question, but I'm curious. Is it like, a more discrete way? Oh, shit, it reminds me of that episode of South Park where everyone shits out of their mouths for a day. rofl
[It is strange, but you have never before noticed height.] This is so cool. Damn this story! It's like those skittles commercials that were popping up for a while where like, they ask questions like: "If a convenient story is open 24 hours, why are there locks?" lmao
[“That bastard,” he mutters.] That's the same thing I've been thinking for like, ten billion chapters.
That's one thing humans're good at though: assessing someone else's thoughts on very little information. We take all these classes so we could make educated guesses, it's just that not everyone does. I like that Jason isn't an idiot (cue: show a majority of FP characters that are hot and stupid); he's a good guy, too. But it's just weird that he's American. I mean, no offense to us Americans, but we're like... I don't know. He must've grown up in a good place or something.
[It is possibly the longest string of words you’ve ever spoken aloud in your life to someone other than a seahorse and you shudder once you finish it.] AW! dude, I feel sad.
[You remember that Livingston spoke of being on TV and you are curious.] OH YEAH LMAO! That bastard fish, he was so awesome lmfao
[You yelp in surprise and at the sound of your voice it turns off again; the light bulbs in the lights you left on shatter with a shower of sparks.] shit shit shit
Haha. I like that this kid doesn't have a vacuum. This is going to sound sexist but a lot of girls don't know how to write guys, so they end up sounding like some stupid fantasy wet dream crap and it's really annoying. But I feel so safe reading this story, because it has so much respect for itself: its imagery and its descriptions, its characters, its own pacing, its evenness and sensibility in tone, its curiosities-there is so fucking much going on here! I like Jason, too, because as a male he seems wholly accurate to me, if that makes any sense at all. Him and Gurden are total dudes, I swear. And the story doesn't have to overdo it. No element outdoes the other, everything is at equilibrium. If I hadn't had started reading this story, man... I don't know. But this is great.
Arg, how do merpeople know what chopsticks are, man? They get their seafood fresh from the ocean!
[“Not that,” you whisper carefully, “Just very picky about his songs. I always get in trouble when I sing.”] This makes me want to cry, whether it's a mermaid or a human girl saying this. I hate it in stories when characters are mute or unable to express themselves. I get that pity rolling faster than a snowball in an avalanche. -pauses to understand own analogy.- Wait. I don't think that was correct. lmao
[You have never heard anything like it and it is beautiful. There is no magic in the delicate sound other than the emotion of the melody itself.] So true that it makes this description orgasmic. lmao
SHIT! did her voice like, blow off his finger? Arg, now I want to read more but I don't know if my reviews are degrading. I think I need to like, step back. Don't give into addiction, BDN. But man, this is so good! This story was like my fucking guilty pleasure for months! But no. I should update my profile with a link to this story and some general comments while I still have time and patience. I want to read ahead but I fear I'll slink back into non-reviewing mode and that's the worst way to insult such a great story.
Oh, wait, arg, before I forget!
I just noticed that another huge accomplishment of this story is not taking away the human experience from relating to other beings. I think other stories often try to hide that there're tons of similarities between the mythical beings we make up and ourselves as humans. I like that Sasha can reveal information and it can connect on a human level; it isn't like an alienating sci-fi where we're expected not to understand. And I liked that he was like: "Shit, sixteen? Two more years before you could live on your own!" He's still communicating with her like she understands, and it's amazing that the story keeps this consistency going. It's a tightrope, but it's so goddamn interesting to read!
Anyway-damn it, forget it. I'm just going to update my profile and try to come back within the month to try and get myself updated to the latest chapter. I just don't want my reviews to crap out on you. Not only have you taken the time to really treat my story well, but you're treating ALL of us readers well by writing this. Yeah. Damn it. Thank you for this awesome set of reads.
I really enjoyed myself tonight.
Doesn't that sound sort of horny? lmfao!
Rock on, Elisefey!
| The Breakdancing Ninja chapter 7 . 8/13/2007
Whoa! It's like her gills melted right into her back the same way a baby's gills disappear when he's born! I loved this detail: [The air you take in leaves the way it came and the sensation is so new that you simply lie on the rocks adjusting to it.] I mean, we BREATHE and everything but it's just not a common thing to remember that it comes in and goes out the same way. I think the mermaids' way of breathing reminds me a lot of an exhaust fan. Man, these details. Such a great experience.
[“What are you doing here! You know this isn’t a nudie beach, right?”] LOL!
I was thinking about Disney's LM and it's like, well, she doesn't talk because she doesn't have a voice. But I think there's more pressure here because Sasha has a voice but it's extremely destructive. It makes the read like, O SHIT NO DON'T TALK OR YOU'LL BLOW HIS HEAD OFF! like how Alanis Morisette did as God in Dogma. Shit, she blew off that archeangel's head like nobody's business. rofl
[His mind is as closed as any other non-magical creature.] This totally sucks. She's gotta learn American Sign Language quick or else. lmao
I like how this guy isn't all MM YUM, NAKED HOT CHICK. I feel safe, even though this is probably scary as hell for Sasha. I mean, he's pretty candid. Even when he just called her a druggie, it's not like he isn't gonna help her. That's hilarious though, because ANYONE would think a naked chick on a public beach wobbling all over the place is under the influence. Damn us humans.
[You had no idea that human bodies gave off such warmth. It reminds you of Gurden.] GURDEN! arg I miss him already. he was so cool. But in the chapter scrolling thing there's a chapter called Gurden so it GIVES ME HOPE. rofl!
[“Help me.”] NO! SHIT!
oh, crap. thank god. i thought she was gonna blow his head off lmfao
[he tells you and guides you forward to his yellow metal box. ] I mean, all accessories aside. All jeeps are just different-colored metal boxes. roflmao
[He opens one car door and assists you to sit in the seat inside then, himself, squats next to you in the dirt, watching you through the open door.] "car" isn't in this chick's vocabulary, is it? Maybe, he opens one side by pulling on a handle, but would she know it's a "car"?
[“Your guardians did this to you? You mean, like your parents?” ] ROFL ROFL it's like playing pictionary-no, not pictionary, charades or something. god, this is so sad.
Dude, she got so lucky that this guy is pretty congenial. Holy crap, I would've gotten real upset if he were some lecherous fiend, because for some reason, I don't approve of situations that are so overwhelmingly dark without recourse. It defeats the whole purpose of writing about humanity. So I was glad it was like this.
I think communication is like, the main theme of this story: what you do when you can't, what you do when the way you express yourself or the things you think can chase you far away from comfort, the misunderstandings between different people, the sheer language barriers, the way we define things (like "guardian"), how we process information and perceive things.
I mean, this story has so many enjoyable levels. It's freaking entertaining, it's so well-written, so fluid, so vast, so detailed-as a reader you're reaping ten times than what you probably imagined you would get before you came here. It's amazing.
Another exciting as hell chapter! I was experiencing review-burn earlier in the day, but I felt compelled to come and enjoy one of the best stories ever. Not just on FP; there's just so much integrity here, simple story-telling without all the author envy. I really appreciate this. Please be patient with my slow review pace! I won't abandon such a great read!
Thank you for this, Elisefey.
And rock on!
| The Breakdancing Ninja chapter 6 . 8/13/2007
[You have always returned before and there is little reason yet to suspect you will not do so again now.] This like, bothers me because Sasha's dad knows EVERYTHING. Even if she is passing in and out without alerting the sirens, that guy could probably feel fluctuations friggin' like, seven oceans away. I hope she doesn't go back because I was freaking traumatized by the scene where he tosses her around and bruises her back.
[Closing your eyes, you see it again: the landmarks of stone and coral all leading to a well-hidden cave prepared for you by your friend.] I was wondering about that darkness; I could imagine that living as a mermaid in the deep sea for so long presents some advantages, but is it easy for them to see, even at night, in the deep sea? I think there should be a lot of glowing fish because that always makes an eerily peaceful scene more peaceful and... eerie. But from my understanding, is she like, using her mental powers? OH, WAIT! Okay, when I was reading this last time I saw this segment with the blind who could sense things by how fast the sound bounces back at them-I don't know if that's any help underwater though. Maybe?
Gurden is so cool. Him and his mind-melding abilities. She probably got side effects like it was a freaking acid trip, because like, thoughts are-well to me at least-a palpable thing. Which is why when you experience dejavu it feels like you've been struck back or something. ... That was lame. rofl
[From this angle, you can see without being seen, and you stare out into the wilderness with a paranoia born of necessity.] This is such a great line. I wonder if in this world, if like, mermaids are well known and hunted for sport. Though I doubt it because they're masters of the sea. But man, that paranoia must suck like hell.
Arr I have a weakness for things like starfish and seahorses (which is why I was all flipping out about the seahorse in the beginning of the story); I like that interactiveness, a lot of stories forget that Nature is always an active participant of any story. I think Nature is one of the strongest elements of prose; landscape descriptions, interactions with the wild life, struggles against natural elements almost pose the biggest argument of human pain, suffering, paranoia, guilt, and fear. I also think it's more effective for a helpless, natural, and innocent starfish to be scared of Sasha than it is for another mermaid to be scared of Sasha. I mean to say that... it's cool. Like everything else in this story. ROFL
[The human legs bent at obscene angles. The thing crabs its way along the ocean floor and toward the rocks jutting up out of the water.] Dude, this is scary as hell. EXORCIST: deep ocean style.
[It is the tortured remains of a human descended from union with a mer and then murdered.] Whoa, I wondered if humans murdered it or mer folk. That's crazy; I love those details! I'm glad that I got my reviewing mojo back, or I would've missed out on a huge set of great reads. I apologize it took me so long to get back here.
Dude, the rusalki are badass. Like the rogue mercenaries of the sea or something!
[You gasp. And choke on air that your gills cannot process.] This is like, crazy reversed biology. Because we'll die if we inhale too much saltwater. And too much air will do who-knows-what to Sasha. Damn this story and it's concise, well-written paragraphs. When this is done, it's going into FP Review. I'm wondering why the review count hasn't hit eight hundred reviews already!
[If they could not, how could your mother have followed the part-human blood of her ancestors back to the surface?] Her mom must be hella hot. lmao
Shit, Jesus, thank God that Rusalka didn't take a huge bite out of her or anything. But now she has bigger fish to fry (haha). How's this kid gonna breathe?
This was riveting.
| belle.nisce chapter 11 . 8/11/2007
Hahaha, I love the last line(s). Yay, you posted another chapter (I didn't even notice because of stupid FP who has stopped sending me emails... *grumble grumble*)! I liked how it creates a bit of tension between Gurden and Sasha, reminding us that friendship isn't always transparent daisies and butterflies. I love Stacey's characterization, how she goes from viewing Sasha as competition to softening up to her once she thinks there is no threat.
Go on, go on! I'm anxious to see what shady business Gurden's been doing.
| talesoftrepidation chapter 11 . 8/10/2007
Ew, Richie's gross. It's funny, though, because I immediately think of Richie Rich (remember that movie?)
Otherwise, I'm really disappointed with Gurden. I like him a lot in the beginning. It's just too bad that he's such a stud. It makes it way too easy for him to get caught up with other girls (i.e. Stacey). But really...he's on his own agenda, isn't he? Despite being 'friends' (no longer) with her, he's also totally against her father...this doesn't bode well.
I like the last two lines. Cute.
| talesoftrepidation chapter 10 . 8/10/2007
Huh...well, that would've been more exciting for me, but I didn't realize that I hadn't read this chapter so I started the next chapter, realized I didn't know what was happening, skimmed this chapter from the bottom up, and then started reading it...
HOWEVER: now I'm curious. So Gurden does this often? Is that what he was going to show her when he told her to come this way? And how does he disappear like this without her noticing. Clearly he's been human for a while, but wasn't he best friends with her? So how'd he get away with it? M, next chapter.
| Irony Illuminator chapter 11 . 8/6/2007
Great chapter; that was a hilarious note to end it on, too.
| concerto49 chapter 1 . 8/3/2007
Yeah, perhaps people will ask, seahorses are a little different to the norm. I've known that during a science field study before.
I haven't seen a story in second person in a long time. This seems rather interesting, though the way it's presented and written could have been improved. Perhaps it could have been more emotional (but I don't exactly know how you do that in second person either) and a touch more descriptive.
Personal opinion, it was a touch colloquial, but perhaps that's the way you designed it to be.
The sea does have many rumours and is a place waiting to be explored. I like the idea that you've took time to clarify things and if not research, at least work out everything properly and organized beforehand.
Collectively male/female are merfolk. Those mythical creatures do strike me.
| TheGreenPrincess chapter 11 . 8/2/2007
awsome hun. *sigh.
update ;] love'n this heaps. hehe
| Espionage In My Shoe chapter 11 . 8/1/2007
Ohmigoodness! D: Why must you always end it with a cliffhanger? Whyy?
Anywho. I liked how your expressed the "conrontation"-like thing between Gurden and Sasha. It irked me how... proud he seemed, and how she didn't get a chance to purge herself of the irritated feelings. Growl. If that happened to me...
Basically, I feel for Sasha. Her life kinda REALLY sucks. So yeah. -pulls on "Jason & Sasha Forever" T-shirt with glee- Go elisefey!
| RingWarriorAzec2012 chapter 11 . 8/1/2007
Well this is a good chapter. I like how you brought Gurden into it.
However you did mention signs that gave him away as a spy. These aren't really very clear to me as a reader in earlier chapters. You need to clarify these signs.
This was well written however and I liked the dynamics between Gurden and the rest of the group. It shows that as far as they're concerned he's another one of the guys and so he's been spying for quite a while.
I got the overall impression though that Gurden was almost angry with Sasha for escaping the rusalka and coming to land. He seems to have switched sides almost as though his friendship with Sasha was a facade.
Please update soon as I'm curious as to how this will develop.
PS: I'm sorry about the review for chapter ten. It should have been more indepth.
| Nightless Dreamer chapter 1 . 7/31/2007
gr8 story, update soon!
| C. Chen chapter 11 . 7/31/2007
welcome, haha. It was just the truth. Also i enjoy reading authors works progressively and some people you can't really feel change or imporvement. But in yours i can see that progresively that your style becomes more refined. Some people write just to write, in other words they ramble and don't know where they're going. But in this story you can tell that each chapter and paragraph are well structured and thought out.
Also the writing is deliberate in order to bring out a certain feeling or cultivate a relationship between characters. I like it. Also this chapter was very good. I kinda like Gurden/gary. and as i said before the uniqueness is refreshing...still getting used to the POV. but its good. Also i know you take time in getting back to people but i just posted a story today and am kinda excited about it so if you wanna go take a look your welcome to )