Reviews for A Siren Call
MeiLeeCalifornia chapter 11 . 7/31/2007
You never cease to amaze me with your twist in plots, GREAT job! Lol, I'm so excited to see where this go. The last bit was hilarious, lol...
arirang chapter 11 . 7/31/2007

This was too good, and you cut it off way too abruptly.

Crap. Update. Now.
C. Chen chapter 10 . 7/31/2007
I think in this story as compared to your other works like Isalnd Oliver is more discriptive and that brings it more to life kinda. It was one thin ghtat stood out to me when reading it. I also like the sotryline since i havn't seen something like this before and i thought it was original of you to try it...sometimes you get tired of cliches. Last thing, haha, the POV is unique and although i perfer other types i think this form meshes witht he overall feel of the sotry better.
TheGreenPrincess chapter 10 . 7/31/2007

you must UPDATE! col story. you must know a lot about mermaids and yeh... awsome. heh

Silent Force chapter 10 . 7/30/2007
I just can't get over how beautiful your writing is! It really pulls you in. The whole bathtub experience thing was really intriguing; I love Sasha's experimenting with the real world. And nice twist at the end! How did Gurden get to land? How does he know Jason? I must know more! I hope you'll be adding another chapter soon...
Silent Force chapter 9 . 7/30/2007
Wow, great chapter! Your writing style is amazing and it flows so well. I liked the background on the Sirens. And I'm definitely liking Jason and his relationship to Sasha; it's really sweet.
MeiLeeCalifornia chapter 10 . 7/21/2007
Sweet! I loved the progression, more soon! lol...
RingWarriorAzec2012 chapter 10 . 7/19/2007
Oh cliffie! Really good.

Please update soon.
eliza-smiles chapter 10 . 7/19/2007
this is an amazing piece fo work and i cannot wait to read more... it is soo different from other mer folk stories and i am really enjoying it, i like how you have written in third person, makes it different from most works on this site...cheers eliza
Midnight Strike chapter 3 . 7/12/2007
I really dislike this "one review per chapter" restriction, but I will carry on. Hello again!

Chapter 2:

There are a lot of interesting concepts that were brought up in this chapter. I think it's cute that eels are the worse gossips. There is some political intrigue in this story, which I enjoy reading, and seeing some familiar and unfamiliar versions of merfolk is always intriguing. I also like the idea of the lionfish being a spy.

The princess as a character seems to me a little pompous in her abilities. Is she not harmed by the boiling water though? Considering that in the sea the temperatures are probably not high, and boiling water would probably scald her, no? Unless she has some power to prevent her from being hurt. I think it would probably be a great enough flaw to say that when she is angry she is able to raise the temperature of water several degrees perhaps even to the point of scalding other merfolk, since that is significant enough considering the specific heat capacity of water and how much energy is required to even change the temperature slightly. However, I do like this additional flaw to her ability, it makes her less...perfect. If she has a siren voice and telepathic abilities and can heal sea creatures, I think needs grand abilities needs to be balanced out with some significant flaws.

I enjoy your writing style and the use of second person. I believe your choice of it for this story is appropriate. One of the problems I've noticed with writing in second person though is the tendency to go into run on sentences, which I've been guilty of before too in this POV. Especially in the first part of this chapter, there were a few sentences that had ideas that were not solidly connected enough to form their own sentences and perhaps should be separated into two sentences with use of a semi-colon separating them. That would probably give the ideas more impact, and also give the reader a slight break between the ideas and enough "time to breathe" while reading.

Chapter 3:

More politics! Yay! I enjoy the description of the other merfolk. It is quite fascinating. I love your description of the aycayia's appearance. I can almost imagine it before me.

"It forces your outer eyelids shut tight." Your outer eyelids TO shut tight?

"It is like the heavy crashing of waves in a storm and yet the sumptuousness of something you cannot quite place except that it seems full of that rare feeling you suspect is joy." I'm starting to notice that a lot of your sentences are written in one breath, it's almost overwhelming to me as a reader. Your descriptions are so beautiful, but I feel like I'm being rushed with it all at once. A comma placed here or there in an appropriate place would definitely strengthen your writing.

"He is amazing..." I feel that this addition doesn't do justice to your ability to describe. Removing this would still retain the sense of "amazing" because of your description afterwards. Or perhaps another choice of word would be appropriate here, like "he is aweinspiring" or anything other than the commonly used "amazing".

The scene where Sasha swims towards the throne to remain at a certain distance I liked reading. It makes me wonder - why is this distance maintained? What is the relationship between father and daughter? And how aware is Sasha of all of these political games that her father is playing and other merfolk are scheming together? She doesn't seem THAT aware of the danger she is in, or she doesn't really appear to care, considering she already broke a few rules at the beginning of the story.

"In truth, you are mostly pacifist..." This comment feels strange to me. I don't know. It just doesn't fit with my perception of the sirens, who seem beautiful dangerous and will not hesitate to hurt others for their own power. Sasha seems too proud sometimes and has this uncontrollable power that can boil water, she was also easily angered by Weshel. Therefore she does not seem pacifist to me at all, and feels like she only resents Gudren's presence in the army because he's not with her as much as before.

Another great chapter though. I enjoyed it. Sasha is both childish but with great power, and this combination is going to bring forth some interesting complications.
Espionage In My Shoe chapter 10 . 7/9/2007
Woah... wasn't expecting that one. O_O Wo... wonder what's gonna happen next! :D

Anywho: yeah, it was kinda a long wait, but, psht. It's always worth it. Hooray! What an interesting update. This is such a neat concept and it's developing quite well. I'm intrigued! And I have no idea what to say to it or anything, so... I'm gonna, just... y'know... stop now... Yeah.

G'day, mate! Keep up the spifftastic work!

funsize chapter 10 . 7/8/2007
omg.. no. freakin. way.

lol i love this story.. i dont think i've ever read anything like it its awesome... longer chapters maybe? update soon!
Irony Illuminator chapter 10 . 7/7/2007
Wow. I see why it's called "Revelations." Geez. How dare you leave us hanging like that?

Anyway, I still love this story; you do such a great job of describing how Sasha feels without making it boring.

Can't wait for the next update!

belle.nisce chapter 10 . 7/7/2007
Yay, you updated! And yay again, you decided to go ahead and change her hair/eye color . This was a short chapter, but it told nicely about how Jason and Sasha are slowly adjusting to each other - and the detailed experience about how her transformation from human to mermaid is painful is more realistic, and definitely exciting. Gasp, Gurden! Does that mean he turned into a human before even Sasha did? And he seems to have no trouble fitting in... I can't wait for the next update (hopefully it won't take you as long... cough xDD).
Sonyashinto chapter 10 . 7/6/2007
Hey there, yeah this story took soo long, i was wondering what had happened to you. well, im glad to you came back with another chapter. and this one was a bit thrilling but was short lived as the chapter ended. I really can't wait to see what happens next. now just to get this cleared up. is gary gurden or does he just look like him. cause that last paragraph can be taken 2 ways. Well, i can't wait to read the next chapter, so update REALLY soon.

Thank You!

Ja-Ne _
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