Fictionpress won't let me submit a review to the first chapter GRR.

What I mean by the speech versus telepathy is because of your usage of quotation marks and italics. She talks to the seahorse using quotation marks, but when she talks to Gurden, it's all in italics. So I'm wondering what the difference is when she talks to the seahorse and to Gurden. Does that make sense?

I'm glad I decided to return to FP today or I would've missed out on some great reading. I've just been gone trying to get my writing groove back, and now that I have it, I also feel like reviewing again! You've been on my to-review list since forever, and I was looking at my LJ and realized I hadn't had you crossed off my list for that month. Talk about late as hell; it's so lame to keep a great writer hangin', but I'm here! And surprisingly, I still remember what that poor girl's father did to her. The details are fuzzy, but I'm sure as I read along again I'll remember exactly where I left off. This story has that effect. (I think I'm going to try to review all these chapters in a string instead of jumping from author to author. It's the least I could do to thank you for updating lmao!)

[Gurden’s vocal magic is respectable enough but it is the strength of his telepathy that has gained him favor in court and facilitated his placement in your father’s military ranks.] I almost forgot Gurden was in the military. Poor faithful guy. He reminds me of those hot guardian dudes that can summon animals. lmao

[You neither deny nor confirm this because your father’s spells limit your response on this subject and you will not lie to your best friend.] Her father has a silencing spell on her? Like, mind control? Or does she mean the nasty bruise she got on her back, which is preventing her from speaking. Oh, God, a silencing spell would be awful.

[I know why my mother left him. I just wish she had taken me to the surface with her, you muse.] I'm glad this detail is here. I mean, when we watch or read mermaid fiction, they resemble humans only physically but don't really seem to have domestic problems (maybe Ariel quibbling with her dad over what was in her treasure trove, but not like, emotional or mental issues). This seems to break that synthetic veil that separates mythical design from realistic fiction, and I'm happy to see it. Abusive dads though, no matter if they're full or part human totally suck.

[Gurden sighs, lounging on the edge of your bed.] Whoa! I didn't even worry about the setting until this part. Now I feel all sexually tensed. lmao

[Gurden picks absent-mindedly at the kelp bedding.] These details, lmao! NOw that whole imagery of kelp beds seems more literal and accessible. Love love love for this writing!

[There is reason to suspect that more forces than just the selkies and mami wata are involved. Don’t ask me who, he warned.] I think it is supposed to be "he warns".

[The only light is the warbling bluish cast of an ensorcelled bulb of mosaic sea glass] The use of "warbling" in this description is incredible!

[Because King Arion has privately sent word that he is in possession of a very powerful weapon,] Sasha? The poor girl isn't even allowed to speak. I wouldn't be surprised if her dad was toting her around like a handgun or something.

[They will be disappointed when they see that the Old Atlantis artifacts are nothing more than stone,] I love the commentary on this allusion. This story seriously breaks a lot of boundaries. It's so sacred!

[Those may be what he touts as his power, but they are just a cover for his real weapon, Gurden says.] I'm thinking that maybe this snippet of dialogue should be more, private. I mean, Gurden and Sasha have known each other for a long time. Maybe there is a better way of re-phrasing this to make it glare less. The fact that it is expository makes it stand out a little more. Maybe Gurden should make an off-hand comment, like-"but if everyone keeps believing all those Atlantis artifacts are true, it'll be less trouble for you (Sasha) in the future." And so in response, Sasha wouldn't say, "What weapon?", she would simply say "Me?"; so forth and so on.

I had to stop to say that the dialogue is really intense and dynamic in this chapter; well, all the interactions in the previous chapters I've read are really dynamic, too. It's like, being re-summoned though. Every time I read this damn story I get chills! I'm probably going to reread it a million times before I'm done lmao

[He is rare among siren mers for enjoying this posture as most find it difficult to breathe when lying on the gills in their back.] Mer-natomy? lmfao Does Sasha have gills on her back?

[He bounces his head backward against the bed and shoves a hand through his hair.] LOL

[Do not ask me any more questions Sasha, he warns tenderly, I simply know.] -pets Gurden.- My baby!

Gurden is an awesomeass telepathic merhottie! I think that's the best revelation of this chapter-ah, though the Sasha-is-weapon plot is super awesome, I'm blown away that the chapter still has secrets left. This is so cool.

[A resigned sigh of salty water pushes out the gills in your back.] Shit, she does have gills in her back! That whack she got from her father must've been seriously brutal.

[His concern touches you, but you cannot think about the pain, you must steel yourself against.] I'm not too good with English idioms, but is it "steel yourself against -it-" or "steel your self against"? If it is the latter, maybe it would be better if the comma disappeared.

Okay, maybe this is a romantic notion: but Gurden doesn't want her to leave because he loves her too much! lmfao! That's one thing I really like about this story; it's so mature and well-paced that it doesn't just spew diarhettic drama and all that other bull. Thank God.

I'll be back to review the next chapters soon! I'm pumped!

Woah! That's hecka unexpected :O

I'm excited. Update update update! ;)

I love this story. It's really good.

I don't think I would worry about this chapter. I personally really like it. I respect that you've done all this work to either get the facts/folklore straight.

The only thing that puts me off a little is that you write with a lot of you's. Like, for example, "Princess Sasha! You are interrupted"

When she "speaks" you have say you, rather than I, but I think that is just what you've chosen to do.

It just took me a moment to transition into it, because the first time it said you like that, I felt like, me? me what? But I can handle that.

Wow, this is really well written. What an awesome beginning.

whoa! im glad as hell u update but im kinda confused here... Gary is Gurden? say what? huh? lol... i hope u update sooner next time, please! :)

i'm intrigued by this beginning. your description is lush, and pulls me to read on to find out more about this underwater world.

i find the little interlude with the seahorse adorable.

and i'm also curious about why her voice holds so much power.

i'm not quite sure of the distinction between telepathy and her speech to the seahorse though. i'll continue reading to see if there's any elaboration on that.

id suggest one thing, and thats not to use the "you" in the story. it gets EXTREMELY distracting :(

wat happened to the may update?

Hmm! Very interesting story :) I look forward to an update!

Gurden still sounds hotter than Jason! pls add !

Wow. I am breathless.

I thank POGA for leading me to read this story; what a completely different area of fiction writing! But it's just as brilliant. You're very versatile, and I like it _.

I can tell you've done a hell of a lot of research for this story. Your characters are very real to me - I just want to hug Jason - but be sure not to make Sasha too Mary-Sue. I love the light and fluffiness of these two latest installments, but the darker aspects have me intrigued as well (the Rusalka made me shiver). A promising beginning, and I hope you update soon!

P.S., thanks for reviewing 'And I'm Tumbling Down'! And if you're up for another fantasy read, consider reading Ster. I'm just starting out with it, but I'd be honored if you could spare a little time to read and review. Thanks!

This is a very beautiful story-I hope that you will update soon! I am entranced by the protagonist (the more so because she and I have the same name-you probably know that Sasha is a Russian nickname for Alexandra, right?) Anyway, it is brilliant, I love your characters, and I hope that you will update soon!

i like the tale. catchy. eerie. such a good mix for this story. summarizes it quite well, actually. it just makes me want to write a haunting story like it...hm...the possibilities.

regardless, i wanted to review to tell you that *i* am still reading and i enjoy this greatly, if not more than ever (i'm a romantic). i also wanted to thank you for the review. it gave me a spark of desire to continue writing. that and i watched 'finding neverland' the other day. what a beautiful movie.

i hope you're feeling better (you were probably sick a million years ago at the rate i'm reviewing) and keep updating. i can't wait to hear more about this kid.