When I saw 'dark' and 'gothic' in the summary, I knew I had to read this. And I wasn't disappointed. I like how you've created a heavier atmosphere with fuller descriptions and very symbolic imagery - that's always great for one-shots. The twist at the end, with Death saving the sacrifice, was honestly unexpected after all the dramatic foreshadowing. Very nice! Keep it up.

A beautiful metaphor...again, very vivid. I think this is somewhat my fault, but your stories seem so real, I seem to be drowning in imagery..which is all together a good thing, but for me makes things hard to read. However, read it I did, and I enjoyed it greatly. Though, due to the title, I keep thinking of a joke in a Terry Pratchett book. XP

Again, my sincere apologies for my useless review, I know that they're very unhelpful, but to be honest it is the best I can do. *sigh*

So well done anyway, I look forward to reading more of your work.

All the best,

~Star~

So beautiful. I love the last line and the metaphor of the swan.

Corrections:

"But once the swan is cut open everyone can see the colour ofthe blood inside." of the.

"The Beast screamed, knives slicing through the air as the blood in it’s veins smoked and bubbled, silver streaks of fire racing up and down it’s limbs." its.

For some reason, I luv these types of stories. Great job!

Hello girlie! Hmm, well this story ain't as weird as you led me to believe, certianly not as weird as some I've come across. That doesn't mean I don't like it though. Well, to try n give a "well rounded critique" as this bloody stupid thing says, I like the description of the swan and everything, but if you were gonna edit it I'd say cut down on the description just a little, cause it can get a bit repetative. I like the premise of the story, but the short story form didn't really give you enough room to get into detail about the cult and everything. Not sure if it would make a novel or a serial, but you might like to try.

Peace out!

Lizabelle x

Hm. I like this, but I agree with the Irish Penguin - it does need a little work. However, I diverge from the Penguin as to exactly where.

The floating yet utterly tangible tone at the beginning of the story was marvellously beautiful and ecstatically melancholic. However, somewhere around the middle of the story, something changed and th etone became much more... normal. Despite the fact that things supposedly became a little stranger right about then, I found that the sort of pop spirituality / satanism stuff kind of killed the mood. I would actually remove all the stuff with being the 6th victim and the stuff with the Beast and all that. I'd actually tend to prefer the organization be kept more secret. After all, if this was some clandestine, demonic operation, how would she know that they'd been working on this since the 1700s? I would suggest that the narrator simply be "The final victim" or some such, and that the people chasing [him? her?] never be named. Actually, I thought that the bit from "Sophie's World" fit perfectly with the tone of the beginning of the story. it was just the bit in the middle, with the satanic cult and whatnot, that seemed not to fit.

But it's still a really good story and it's cool to find someone else who likes "Sophie's World." I think you're on to something with this one; it'd just take a little editing to make it something great. I enjoyed it, though, still.

Also, if you get the time, I entreat you humbly to cast an eye over some of my stories.

this is amazing! i love it! the descriptions are the best and i wouldn't change a thing. i have a request though. could you write a whole story before this? this seems like it would be the last chapter of something, and i'd love to know if anything came before it!

You have absolutely beautiful imagery throughout this story. Sadly, it is too confused and muddled throughout.

Why did the main character chose to die? How did they avert the Apocalypse? Why did "He" (God?) owe them for it? Why is the main character's mother mentioned? The last sentence seems pointlessly incongruous; why put it in? Why the reference to Carl Sagan's phrase "starstuff" or as you put it, "stardust", after all the supernatural references? Why the sudden reversion to the secular?

Please don't get me wrong; this is a beautiful story. I can picture every moment in my mind. The descriptions, the analogies, the comparisons to the death of innocence and purity as a swan are all masterfully crafted. It is the plot itself which fails - it lacks coherency.

I would suggest you continue writing with that poetic form so many lack, and while I understand you appreciate mystery, please bear the reader in mind: for us to truly appreciate your story, we must grasp the plot.

I'll be looking forward to more.

-The Irish Penguin

Wow. That was a beautiful story. Dark and scary, actually terrifying yes. But beautiful in its own way. And your words were very poetic and descriptive. It was wonderful.

And thanks for your reviews! I actually wasn't thinking of a vampire when I wrote "Unforgiven" but I think a vampire would know that pain very well. Thanks for the insight!

First- thanks so much for your review on my poems. Means a lot to me. :)

Now- Swansong. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. Gorgeous descriptions-don't worry about the lack of description of the narrator, it's not needed. It's got a very surreal tone and at the same time it's grounded in reality. Very awesome. Adding to my favorites.

Vivid, peaceful, and beautiful! I love it so much.

BEST wishes!

:)

Wow! That was awesome! I love the imagery and the colors especially. There are too many good things about this one that I don't know where to begin. Loved it!

Hauntingly beautiful. Loving the way this is written, Knife, and there's a real sense of character, despite the absence of a name behind your narrator. The first person tense is perfect.

I especially liked this bit: I came to die, yet I was saved by Death. It seems that He at least didn’t want the job of clearing up after the massacre. I don't know if you meant it to sound sarcastic, but the tone was perfect.

A haunting setting and scenario in a scarily beautiful world. Excellent. Onto my (as of yet rather short) faves list it goes.