I like it! Well, as promised, I'm reviewing here. It's good. I like the story line, and such. You could use a little more character development, so that we can get to know the characters a bit better, though. Keep it up! And I like the changes you've made, too.

Much love...TinuvielDork

I don't like Trevor! He's creepy! But that Dana guy ;-) he's nice! Or maybe that Kilian. HEHE! ;-)

oh ... Gotta love the protective brother! :-) Keep writing!

~K Ree

It would defiantly make for an interesting story if you were more careful and less-direct when changing scenes. Details can be a nice thing. Even so, I can still tell what is going on and I find it Interesting. A lot of girls can feel for Susan, and the same can be said for Adam. He only wants what is best for his sister. But does he really have a say If he has a girlfriend every month?

It would make for an awkward relationship though if she were to date one of his best friends, so I feel for him. But poor Susan has rights to guys too, and shouldn’t have to be limited to who she can date by her brother. Poor girl.

There weren‘t too many errors, but one or two here or there. Nothing that leads you away from what is being said. Good job.