|Reviews for For a Breath of Fresh Air|
| Crewger chapter 9 . 1/17/2007
I love the morals that this story represents. I'm not sure if it's advice but... you need to slow down the story a tad bit more, maybe detailing on a wife a bit more, her relationship with stephen and her friends... Urban's ok, though the name is weird but who am I to blame? great story!
| Kaldaka chapter 9 . 12/4/2006
Ei sei. That was an amazing story. E kenye.
Wow. I loved it!
| Delandred chapter 1 . 11/6/2006
Good so far, but I spotted a few errors. A the start you put leaving streaks of dark cherry wood show beneath siz decades of dust, maybe you should leav out the show. Also when they say about buying the house, he says cheep instead of cheap. Very interesting, and thanks for the reviews, i'll try and watch grammar and i'll try and put more detail in
| Ace of Roses chapter 9 . 8/13/2006
Gunfight! Drugs! More lesbians! What more could you want.
These last few chapters have been very good about keeping the reader on the edge of their seat. You do a good job of building up suspense and then cutting the story off at just the right moment, leaving people wanting more.
Characterization is very good as well and you start to understand what's going through most of their minds.
Overall, a bit of a slow start but it builds up quite nicely to the end. I'm especially thankful that the last set of chapters were added in fairly quick succession. I'll be looking forward to more of your non-poetry works.
| LuluCypher chapter 8 . 8/13/2006
It's odd, I can't find the Review option for ch. 9. This is a great ending, though. I thought that ch. 8 was going to be the last one, but ch.9 is much more... conclusive, like an epilogue. I like how it comes full circle. This story fulfilled its promise.
| Fiore Chnudth chapter 9 . 8/12/2006
The end for sure this was! :-(
I thought there were too many things you wanted to tell in the beginning. Too many short paragraphs that I don't know if you needed. Somethings left untied is to me a good thing.
But the major part that ran for most of the chapter, was good. It gave a good feel of coming full circle.
One thought on the story as a whole, sponsored by this chapter. Maybe you could have used more and more consistent references to the greek gods?
PS: Hope to see you soon in reviews for something else.
| Fiore Chnudth chapter 8 . 8/10/2006
I guess that would be end?
A bit odd to write a review thinking it to be the last.
A few words for this chapter. I thought the emotions worked best when it was mainly dialogue and a few thoughts, instead of the other way around. It was in the end than the beginning of the chapter.
In the beginning there were too many describtions and too many emotions in some paragraphs. Maybe you should have spread it out to keep from slowing the pace of the action parts.
I liked the union of Athene and Aphrodite. I thought that was good.
Since I think this to be the last chapter I feel the need to sum up my reviews and impressions in this moment.
I thought the story good, I added it to my fave list a few chapters ago.
It became better as it progressed. In the beginning the plot itself was a bit hard to follow, but was very good in the end.
The good parts in the first chapters were mainly the character definitions.
If you some day do a revised introduction, my recommodations would be to make the plot more clear in the beginning and be careful when you add describtions and thoughts. Be careful it doesn't slow down the pace of the story. Often though, the thoughts especially gives a good pace though, so know this too.
And understand that you already know how to create characters, so give your attention to other things.
Sorry, to say that this is the end. :-(
| Fiore Chnudth chapter 7 . 8/6/2006
Always good cliffhangers. I guess this most be what defines your chapter divisions.
A lot happened in this chapter, action wise. This is good, but I must say I think you can better.
Some points of criticism from me:
- Too much happened when Lamia wasn't looking. All we see is through her, so I don't know if I liked it that she was looking away whenever something happened.
- And I find it confusing where people were. Who stands to the right of one, who's by the door and so on.
- The body guards seemed useless in this situation, which surprised me.
The good thing is the feelings. Its interesting to see so much action through the feelings of a person. But this too could have been better and clearer.
My review would probably have been better/kinder had you not written chapter five. But since I read that I feel it fair to demand more than what I got.
So, the verdict is: always cool with actions, but you can do better.
| Fiore Chnudth chapter 6 . 8/5/2006
A good chapter this was.
But before we go into that, I must offer some criticism. It was quite annoying that there are so many typos. I'm sure this will be corrected when you read it through some day, but do it quickly for there is no reason why you should be offered criticism for this chapter. Another thing I don't know if I like is the describtions of Urban. In the beginning I saw him as a cool, business type evil guy. But in this chapter you described him more ugly. I don't know if this is because he maybe have sampled the Myronia, I don't think so.
And you don't need to tell us her thoughts when her actions says it all. Like the part where she noticed that Anthonius didn't include himself in his statement.
What I did like about this chapter and what I have liked about the last few chapters, is that the story becomes clear. In this chapter there was nothing I had to re-read which made it very comfortable to read. I guess this is what people sometimes call pace of the story. It was good!
The cliffhanger of course was fantastic - I think you knew this posting the chapter. The cliffhangers are usually good in this story, but this one in particular.
Its nice to see Urban's lady-friend! :-) She seems to offer the posibilities of new dimensions.
In closing I'm going to tell you what associations i got from this chapters. Maybe they're all wrong, but I tell you because I find it positive that I got these associations.
- I think Urban is closing Stefan and Lamia in the coffins to test the Myronia.- I think Corinthe is sad because of what Urban is doing, but think it nessecary- I think Urban is trying to do good through his evil, maybe saving his wife from an illness.
| LuluCypher chapter 6 . 8/1/2006
Ah the cliffhanger... the cliffhanger!I really can't find anything to criticize here. your pacing is perfect. I'm not sure I understood the ending correctly, though. Did Urban shoot his wife? If so, how did Lamia smell the blood and smoke though the "coffin"? Or did he shoot Lamia through the coffin?..Either way please update
| MICHISMO chapter 1 . 7/28/2006
Very interesting, intelligent writing! It's also got this great punch of cynicism. All in all it seems very wordly and fresh, but not in that fake Clorox way (:
| TwinDeath chapter 1 . 7/28/2006
hm... this is an interesting, well thought tale so far. although it is SciFi, eerything rings true to human nature. Well Done!
| Fiore Chnudth chapter 5 . 7/27/2006
Best chapter yet. I'm very impressed. If I didn't know better, I would say you're coming into your own, finding your style. But this is not the first you have written, so I know not what to aim my impression at. But a good chapter it was, a great f"#cking chapter.
And here is why:
The characters have always been defined, but the plot not so much in the beginning. Chapter fourth started to make the story more easy to follow, more easy to know what not to get, and this continued in this chapter. I can finally say that the story (almost) is worthy of the characters now.
The plot begins to be very interesting indeed. You start to see where the story goes and in doing that you start to understand the characters and their relevance. This is the first time I think I can get something new from the previous chapters if I read back. Not much yet maybe, but I start to want to know a bit about how some where in the beginning. For one, this "landlord" is becoming downright mean and evil.
And I like Urban. He may be a stereotype villain, but it works and he is a bit more than his stereotype I think.
Once in awhile there were cool thoughts/hints like "did Laudanum building use pesticide". This is cool because she is doing Myronia.
This makes me wonder if you chose a statue of Athena with a purpose? For why is it not Aphrodite, Apollo, Hermes, Ares, Artemis or any other of the twelve gods of mount olympus?
And freakin' glad to see the missing letters mean something.
Many senses used in describtions good.
Great freakin' chapter. This made me add the story to my favorites. But this is also the standard I will use when reviewing the coming chapters or any other work of you. So, if in the future I basically write "you suck", then its because your work didn't reach the standard of this chapter.
| Fiore Chnudth chapter 4 . 7/20/2006
I don't know excatly why, but I don't believe in the good nature of this minister. I like him to some degree (as a good person), but I don't trust him.
Enough of that.
In this chapter especially one thing struck me, and that was that the parts that had been confusing in earlier chapters, are way better now. Earlier there were things I didn't get, now I know that there are things I'm not to get. The little difference, makes for a much better read.
Your whole story always seemed very intimate. It was like there was no other world than the one with Lamia. This is very good in this chapter, where things are very well written, but it was maybe what I find troubling in the chapters that I didn't get. Hope this makes sense!
Like to see some romantic development, but so many times did I in the margin write "play" with Lamia and "love" with Stefan. So, I fear a bit for her commitment and I fear that a nasty love affair is in the making. If Stefan is not ended by Urban, of course.
The waking up scene was cool, but a bit odd - meaning cool! :-)
| LuluCypher chapter 4 . 7/19/2006
I read the whole story in one are so many good things going on here... And I like the how you give tidbits of the background without revealing the whole. I'm adding this story. :)P.S. Check out Everyone in Silico by Jim Munroe. it's a non-mainstream technological dystopia, with a surprise ending.