Reviews for The Lady in Black
Moyashi1611 chapter 25 . 12/24/2010
I liked this story! Thank you for writing it. It has been really enjoyable following Lynn on her journey. :DD
InspiredVisionary chapter 1 . 5/3/2010
Really interesting so far- I'm going to keep reading to see how it turns out.
Abrasive chapter 2 . 3/13/2010
I have to admit to being a little confused at this point. Why bother with the whole 'post-modern America' thing? It clearly has no effect on the story. You may as well have set it in a fantasy land, which, basically, you have. And frankly, as a non-American, I found your recount of the 'end of the world' to be highly ethnocentric.

Aside from that, there are few grammatical mistakes and the writing isn't altogether poor. However, the character of Lynn comes off as unbearably trite. My advice: Kill her.
hail the heartbreakers chapter 1 . 6/27/2009
So is that Calenia country Canada?
Calandra- The Lark chapter 1 . 2/20/2009
Make it better? Well, why would it HAVE to be made better? It's good enough as it is.
Written chapter 3 . 3/20/2008
I think your choice of setting is awesome, by the way! I love that you have a futuristic fantastic setting, but geographically, it's in a country that you are familiar with, so you can talk about that with some authority. it's kind of clever, if you think about it, because you (and we) know the lay of the land... not that I'm saying you haven't done some very capable world building anyway. it's obvious you've put a lot of thought into the history.

I hope that all made sense..

(Laughing she assured the boy that they would be leaving shortly.)

maybe a comma after 'laughing' would be nice?

so far so good :)
Written chapter 2 . 3/20/2008
good chapter! I don't really understand why she's a seamstress AND a lady in waiting AND awesome in combat, since it seems like three separate jobs, but I suppose she might just be that cool :)
Written chapter 1 . 3/20/2008
Hi! I think you run the risk of turning off a lot of readers from the get-go, because an info-dump at the beginning can be... difficult. Kind of like reading a (fantastic) encyclopedia of sorts.

Regardless, I read it anyway, and I quite enjoyed it! I'll read the next chapters as soon as I review.

I think a better way to show off the setting would be to slowly let it in throughout the story. to thread it in, in other words. that's a bit more difficult, though. another thing people often do is start with a scene and then begin the infodumping, which seems to catch more people's attentions...

anywaay, don't think I'm criticizing or anything. Just pointing it out :) take care! see you next chapter.
KelseyBell910 chapter 24 . 2/28/2008
This was absolutely brilliant! You are a fantastic writer. I don't know why more people haven't read your stories.

Kelsey
Airily chapter 2 . 10/19/2007
Hello! I said a VERY long while back I'd return the review you'd left me, so here I am!

I've read this chapter, and the prologue - and it certainly looks interesting. I'm not American, so unfortunately that sort of takes away from the impression I'd expect I'd get if I was, to see my world so different. I suppose in that aspect there's less universality, but in Australia we're exposed to so much American media, I doubt it'd make much difference. The first chapter definitely interests me! At the moment my impression of Lynn is a bit iffish though - beautiful girls with a special task/power who are unusually trained in combat run the risk of turning out to be Mary Sues. However, your style is mature - so I'm thinking this won't be the case. I'll come back and read more a bit later - I should really be studying for exams, haha, so this may be more than a bit later.

It certainly looks promising!
carmelatte chapter 24 . 9/29/2007
I like it, a job well done! :D
Counting Petals chapter 24 . 8/2/2007
...the end? Anyway, I loved it, and it's been on my favorites for awhile now. I guess it's time to move onto the next one. )
Counting Petals chapter 23 . 8/2/2007
I'm so glad they finally came to their senses. “I believe you’re on your third or fourth by now.” Oh, I loved that line...
Counting Petals chapter 22 . 8/2/2007
I feel smart again. ) So Lynn really is Leon's daughter, then?

For some reason the thought of James picking flowers made me laugh. It's a little hard to equate my image of him with something like that. I imagined him skipping through a meadow of some sort. All that was missing were the little woodland creatures...(But please, don't omit that on my account.)

Aww, Asil's so cute...
Counting Petals chapter 21 . 8/2/2007
"...but he’d fainted, and his other sword came down hard." I'm pretty sure he feinted...Yeah. Wrong word.

And now it was Daniel? Nice twist there.

Lynn sure has a knack for catching James at the wrong time, doesn't she?
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