|Reviews for Charlotte|
| Written chapter 4 . 3/14/2008
ooh! the part where he says that his horse's name was much better really made me laugh :) very cute.
I can't wait to see what happens next. do write more soon :)
| Written chapter 3 . 3/14/2008
well, we know they both like each other, so there's not much suspense in it, but I like how it's all playing out :) after all, it's usually obvious they'll end up together anyway, in any story, right?
so, can't wait to see where this goes!
| Written chapter 2 . 3/14/2008
I actually think this chapter went pretty well! I think it would have been better if we only saw charlotte's pov, just because then we would be in more suspense about the prince's feelings, you know?
but I know that you know your own story better than I do, so maybe his POV is something you want.
this chapter was so romantic. very cute.
| Written chapter 1 . 3/14/2008
This story is pretty decent so far, but a general rule of thumb would be not to switch view points so often... it's like a movie where the camera angle switches every five seconds... makes you seasick!
a better way to do it would be to try third person POV, where you can dip a little into everyone's minds without switching POV at all. I think that makes for the smoothest stories... or else, you could just pick one person's POV and have the other person's feelings be a mystery.
either way, it's your story, so you don't have to listen to me :) in this first chapter, it does disrupt flow, but there are some stories that really make POV changes work.
another thing I noticed was that you do paragraph breaks a lot, like here:
(As I walked further away from all the people dancing, I noticed I wasn’t the only one outside.
A lone figure stood leaning on the rail looking out at the gardens.)
It just looks a little weird to see several one line paragraphs on FP, but if that was what you were going for, that's fine too... don't mind me, seriously.
also you could maybe work on adding more exposition or something of the sort.
blahblah. just boring advice. anyway, it's still a great start and I will continue to read. I really liked the first section with her sisters :) it reminded me of the interactions between some of jane austen's characters.
| Loriency chapter 2 . 12/29/2006
downhill. the entire thing just went downhill. You had such a good cliffhanger there! you could have gone over the top and to the moon! But...you did the typical...release your problems, become itneresting in this stranger, confess feeligns thing... You could have spiced it up a bit! I'll stop here because I don't haev time to read more, but! I'd like to edit this. You have an awesome story going here, but...not the right words to connect it. PM or email me and let me know if you'd be itnerested in working with me on this. You could have a fabulous story going. Till then!
| Loriency chapter 1 . 12/29/2006
this first chapter reminds me oddly enough of the girls from Pride and Prejudice... good start, flows well...few errors here and there, but it's rather well thought out. I'll keep reading.
| chocaholic92 chapter 4 . 8/24/2006
Great story so far! I really love both Charlotte's and Gavin's characters. Cannot wait to raed more! Update asap!
| SkepticCritic chapter 4 . 8/8/2006
YAY! I finally have the time to get on FP and I find an update from you...I'm so excited...
How totally adorable are they? See? This is how best friends are made...Well, it's how I made most of my best friends anyway...Either arguing, debating, or competing...Always makes for an interesting friendship to be sure...
Poor Liss...She just wanted the prince's attention and then Lottie comes and happens to already know the prince...And is already talking to him like they've been friends forever and titles mean nothing...
| Mrdarcylover chapter 4 . 8/5/2006
I like this story, I hope you update soon!
| JustWriter chapter 4 . 8/5/2006
| Princess JoJo chapter 4 . 8/4/2006
wow! this is one of my favorite stories! i wish you would update faster though, cuz this story is so interesting. but then again its summer so ya... anywho keep up the great work!
| Princess JoJo chapter 3 . 7/17/2006
this is a really good story! i love it so far! update soon!
| koko chapter 3 . 7/15/2006
| JustWriter chapter 3 . 7/13/2006
Did they both exclaim, "YOU!"?
| SkepticCritic chapter 3 . 7/12/2006
Darn you...You stopped right before he could say anything...Darn it darn it darn it...