|Reviews for As The Ivories Run Red|
| L. Sherman chapter 2 . 11/12/2006
First off: Spelling errors.
"Strait" is improperly used. "Straight" means in a straight line, or straight as in just not crooked. "Stait" is a body of water.
"Vallad" should be "valid."
"Tward" should either be: "T'ward" as in a conjunction, which isn't even proper English, or "tOward." There is an O.
My last bit of concrit (or friendly bitching) is this: It is not YOHAN SABASTIAN BACH. It is: Johann Sebastain Bach. Normally I wouldn't complain, but he was a GERMAN composer, and therefore, it is in my duty to see to it that Americans do not slaughter his name.
In other news, I like the fact that you used piano terms, since it adds a touch of realism to the story. Bravo.
| RedBerries chapter 1 . 7/11/2006
There are a LOT of spelling mistakes in this, I suggest using a spell checker before uploading. I was going to point them out, but there are quite a few, and they're mostly 'i's and 'e's the wrong way round so I'll let you find them. Apart from that, it seemed okay. She seems somewhat arrogant, but not too much, and I like how you didn't make her apologetic for her actions or thoughts. She's accepted that her way of thinking is alright, so let's hope she ends up a different person. As for the whole piano theme, it's a good one. Sports are way overated. It'll be interesting to know if Kattie has the same kind of attitude to life as she does. By the way, are we going to get names of our characters?
| L. Sherman chapter 1 . 7/7/2006
I'm still reeling over the fact that my one little sentence started this whole thing... I LOVE it!
You write the piece well, as you know you're topic, and are passionate about it. That always makes for the best sort of writing, I think.
The description, as with all the narrative, was stunning and captivating. The only problem I have, is as always, you're spelling. Mind, it wasn't so bad, there were only a couple words, and not a thing to make this story any less potent, but, you know how much that bothers me.
Either way, I love this, and I'm adding it promptly to my favorites and alert list. _ Yay for you!
L. Kantenseter (~Sissa~)
| UndiscoveredLiterati chapter 1 . 7/7/2006
I absolutely love this. Its well written and you have a great title.
| jct7 chapter 1 . 7/6/2006
Okay, pretty good start. A few suggestions, however:
Try to use less of the first person pronoun 'I'. It is used a lot in the beginning.
Try and do a quick spell check before you post your piece. There are a few spelling mistakes in the piece, "pennacle, peice, and encorperate".
I have to say that I like your use of literary devices such as, "coldly calculating." And I can relate to your main character, waiting for Kattie to mess up. Although I've never played at a piano audition, I do play trombone. When the band director calls us in for a scale test (like an audition it determines our chairs) I'm always listening for the mistakes of other trombonists.