|Reviews for Modifications|
| Painted Cricket chapter 5 . 12/31/2007
I thought U were dead... Keep it lively. Keep writing.
| Jen B chapter 1 . 6/23/2007
The top section of this story(yes?) reminded me almost imediatly of the James Patterson stories involving winged children: "The Lake House", "Maximum Ride, the Angel Experiment" and so on.
BTW: 'The idea for "Maximum Ride" comes from earlier books of mine called "When the Wind Blows" and "The Lake House", which also feature a character named Max who escapes from a quite dispicable school. Most of the similarities end there.'
- James Patterson
In short, these stories are not the same(look in the front of "Maximum Ride the Angel Exariment", after the title page. Booyah!
| NeonNights chapter 5 . 6/13/2007
Wow we haven't had much time for this lately, have we? You're moving the plot along, but the chapter is split between the main plot and this new subplot you've opened with no real transition. You're still really brief, too. Details, man! Go overboard! I wanna see the rust grid atop that manhole cover, the slimy surface of the ladder as Mithwer and Ubasti slide down it, beads of sweat on their brows from the exertion. Give it flavor, and you've got it made.
| gundamguru chapter 4 . 1/17/2007
Pretty fast pased but a interesting idea. I recommend more detail and character thoughts and/or feelings to deepen the plot and intensity of the story.
| Zoray Zorial chapter 4 . 10/19/2006
Well. this is certainly interesting. a future where gene-splicing has become commonplace and the resulting half-breeds are ruled over by the "pure" humans. (who are probably a good deal weaker)
Huh. Reminds me of Global class. this is European Imperalism all over again.(slightly altered)
As usual, the chapters are short, eloquent and forceful, and every character has a hidden meaning behind their name. You realize I'm just guessing at all of this...but hey.
If I'm allowed to hazard a guess at the plot, perhaps Mithwer will attempt to bring down this organization, but then weill slowly begin to see that he is being controlled, the 'Pure' gov. really does need to fall, and then join the rebels to fight the tyranny of the aristocracy!
or, more likely, you've got some infinitly more complex plot in store for us, one that's far to deep for my feeble mind to even attempt to grasp.
Until tomorrow, ja ne!
| Painted Cricket chapter 4 . 9/26/2006
An interesting plot. Continue with the story.
| Kristina Suko chapter 4 . 9/15/2006
Ok, that was a choppy jump from history to action. The transition wasn't smooth, and it needs more between the time he gets his assignment to the time he arrives at... wherever he is. Interesting, though.
| Kristina Suko chapter 3 . 9/15/2006
It's a big jump in the history telling from 1995 to 2060. There needs to be a couple more dates to make it sound better and more historical.
Otherwise, it was interesting to read.
| Kristina Suko chapter 2 . 9/15/2006
"So many murdurs, so little time, eh?" this line made me laugh. and the last line, where he calls Baker "father..." made me think "aww...". It seemed a little childish for a killer, and it's used a lot (that the creation would call the creator father) but it's your story.
| Kristina Suko chapter 1 . 9/15/2006
Cool. It could be separated into more paragraphs for better emphasis and easier reading, but I like it.
| rvtolentino chapter 4 . 9/10/2006
hello! DD here for a new review. i was intrigued by the premise of your story so i had to read and review!
first off... great concept. while it wasn't absolutely original, i love the simplicity of the idea and the straightforward way you've presented this "idea" to us. in the Third World War you described here, in most stories Europe was either a neutral nation or else a battleground for the conflict, but here you made a refreshing change in which Europe was the victor of the war. while this was a little unprecedented (because only a few countries in that continent possessed international political and military clout to make it), this was a good take on the normally American or Asian triumph in an imaginary scenario-and the cause of the war, genetics, was a good one as well.
the division of the world into the Pures and Halves is also a nice take, and i'm quite interested in how you'll weave the next events. a non-human main character (you described Mithwer as a lizard, complete with scales), was a great change from the usually bishounen (Japanese, "pretty boy") lead character prevalent in stories like this and sci-fi/fantasy stories in general. this also gives you more flexibility in dealing with and presenting his personality because he's probably immune from the normal pitfalls of a typical human. although yes, you need to explore Mithwer more thoroughly though, because he seems the generic and standard type of assassin-aside from his preference for blowpipes and his amalgamation of human and animal bodies. i would like to see more of his personality in the future.
your chapters also seem short and devoid of elaboration; the pace seems disjointed, like you had only bothered to narrate the "exciting" parts but left the transition to the reader to do with as he will. this is bad, in most cases. try to enliven your narrative in delving into what happens in-between so we have a working idea of time, and/or events transpiring in time and in a believable time-frame.
your chapter layout/structure is also a little inconsistent. the first one was like two heavy blocks of paragraphs that haven't been properly and correctly separated, but the succeeding ones showed either good separation or too much of it. try to organize ideas and thoughts into others related to them, so the flow will be much more fluid. aside from that, you have good grammar and grasp of language, and your flaunting of your research on chapter 3 was a good addition as well. it borders on being pedantry though, so try to keep these bursts of knowledge at a pace where readers could identify with and enjoy at the same time.
please continue and keep writing!
if you have any questions or comments or regarding this review, i have an email address. be hearing from you soon!
| Infinite Abyss chapter 4 . 9/4/2006
These chapters are really short but I still like this story nonetheless. Great job and update soon.
| ByFyreLyte chapter 4 . 9/2/2006
A vast improvement over the last chapters. You write very good action scenes, keep at it.
| Bitter Irony chapter 4 . 8/31/2006
This was a good chapter, if a little bit too short. I liked the way you fit in the description without detracting from the actions or dialouge. The character of Ubasti seems very interesting, even from this small bit we see of her (and even if she turns out to be a minor character). This chapter also says a lot for Mithwer's observance. Good job, and update again soon please!
| NeonNights chapter 4 . 8/30/2006
Diggin' the whole "here's what I learned in Bio this year" vibe...it lends authenticity to the story. Actually, so does using the metric system, if the Euro's did indeed win WWI (I knew they were up to no good). The action sequences seem a bit flat...generally Mithwer being in complete control of the situation and showing off how much of a badass he is, leaving no doubt in the reader's mind that he will emerge victorious and removing the element of uncertainty which makes action so much fun to read. Also, Ubasti was far too easy to read. If she's so tough she can probably take a surprise with a straight face. Anyways sorry if I'm nitpicking here, but with all due respect, I think you can do better.