Okay, I am all caught up now.

If they are doing the Blooding every week, you are going to run out of children! (I know, Oh, hush!)

Zek is still likeable, even if he is trying to be a responsible adult and be a role model. You seem to have picked up Shadowhound's writing style in this chapter. It reflects him well.

Then Jeysa and Zilva. Ah, what can be said. He's robbing the cradle . . . I know it was completely innocent, but it was a rather affectionate scene.

So, it is time to continue the story. you haven't updated since July. Even I am not that far behind ;)

I like Zek! The punch did it for me!

I had many and various amusing thoughts through this chapter. I saw some amusing things that your characters and mine share in a twisted sort of way.

Anyway, do all children go through the Blooding, or is it a select few? If it is everyone, then with the deathrate, you won't have a group in the future. This is my main complaint with this, and I think some of the parents would flat out refuse to allow their children to go forward with it.

Still, it is an interesting story, and I look forward to seeing more of Zek.

I missed a chapter. I will have to go back and read it. No wonder I am confused!

So, I will go on to the points that I was confused on. I am having a little trouble in telling your characters apart, but that is me.

I like that you have characters, who cry about the death of one of those who die during the Blooding.

I also like that Jeysa tells Zek that he needs to ask her three times to do a job. That is almost a mythological thing to add to a story. It gives it a great feel.

I like the ending. It has some nice little foreshadowing going on there.

Shadowhound emailed me and asked that I come over and check out your story in July. I have been a bit busy, what can I say.

Anyway, I am impressed by your writing style so far. I like that there is a wolf among these folks as well. She could prove fun indeed! I can't really point out any problems right now, because I need to see where you are going with this and how it ties together.

Interesting second part. I think you have your characters speak too much at one time. With the exception of the speech Zek gave and the last thing Jeysa says to Zilva, all the dialogue seemed like short speeches. Just try to shorten it down a bit so it seems more human and natural.

Shadowhound

'magic to changer her colors' Try to say 'to change the colors of her skin.'

'both her and her brother' should be 'both she and her brother'

Interesting speech made by Zek.

I think your dialogue still needs some work. It sounds kind of awkward and inhuman. Unfortunetly, I don't know anyway to make your speaking more realistic. Just try to say the words out loud to hear how they sound. Also, try reading a published book and see how the author does the dialogue there.

Good chapter, I hope to see more soon.

Shadowhound

Wow, it's great to read something I completely understand.

In this chapter you use a lot of future tense. Like when you say that all the others would be devoted to the Destroth cause, but not as much as Darmanth. At that point in the story there aren't any other Blooded people.

'“ENOUGH! Ardet had enough trouble after his mother died! He was practically forced to mate with Yelanx to produce Zek. Neither my son, nor my grandson will be discussed in this council again.” Cullen had taken of raising Zek after Ardet had died...' This is a confusing paragraph. Not the content of it, just the way it is organized. The main problem is the dialogue portion. The reader doesn't know who is speaking until the end of it. When you have someone talking, make sure the reader knows who is speaking. "Hello," I said. "How are doing today?" is different from "Hello, how are you doing today?" I asked.

For the symbol you have a Wolf print with a Tiger tail. No problem with that. The animal is not capitalized except when it is associated with a Clan. A wolf is associated with Clan Wolf, but the animal by itself is not capitalized.

Problem with the last paragraph. The blood mages start the transfusion five minutes after Zek's wrists are slit. Would he have lost a lethal amount of blood by that point? How much blood is lost in that amount of time?

Good chapter, I look forward to reading more.

Shadowhound

“I know but do we have enough..." there should be a comma between 'know' and 'but.'

The wing design you want is a combination of an elliptical wing and a high speed wing. Go to , you might find some helpful info. on that subject.

The Phoenixes don't have immortality because they have to die in order to be reborn. And even then it has to be under specific circumstances. Their immortality is limited, if anything.

'their wrists slid by' slidslit?

You have a lot of sentences that need commas. 'If the child survived(,) then they' or you could just get rid of 'then' and it would work.

Not a bad first chapter. On to the next one.

Shadowhound

For some reason I couldn't help but picture this story in an anime, though I've never seen one with a plotline anywhere near what you've got here. It's edgy and fast paced, with a back-story just shy of being too incredible to believe.

All in all I'd say it's a pretty good piece of work. The second chapter ended too fast, I thought, like it wasn't completely finished, but I suppose that's part of seeing unfinished works on a site like fictionpress.