|Reviews for The Bullet|
| YFIQ chapter 1 . 2/12/2011
Pretty good although some people may mistaken it for a poem. Still good job.
| short circuit chapter 1 . 8/3/2010
I love the elaborate explanation of how a bullet is fired. This piece is raw and powerfully blunt, mechanical in its narration, which serves the intentions behind it very well.
A few typos, though: "submachingun" submachine gun
"as if carries" as it carries
"For an insdtant it presses" For an instant, it presses
"itsa shape" its shape
"can not" cannot
"bullet isd simply" bullet is simply
I'd favourite it, otherwise.
| indigo-secrets chapter 1 . 5/7/2010
Oh, wow. Striking. And I don't mean that as a pun. I like the really scientific descriptions of everything right down to the chemistry of the gunpowder. It kind of sets the tone as very cold, which works well for this theme. I liked it.
| lymli chapter 1 . 12/21/2007
the description is good, gives powerful meaning to the poem,
| Julian Henleth chapter 1 . 4/17/2007
Very interesting poem. I think this felt like a 3/4 poem, 1/4 story type piece though, and that it should feel more poetic. Overall, I dug it though.
Thanks for the review on Road Blues, my idea came partially from the song Roadhouse Blues and partially from an old radio play by Orson Welles, I can't think of the title now though.
Keep writing man.
| Lowell Boston chapter 1 . 1/15/2007
This is good and has a lot of potential, but I believe you are telling more than showing. I would suggest to distill this down and remove needless words to make this more visual and poetic in its structure.
Perhaps: (an / indicates a line break incase the word wraps don't translate in this review)
The Hammer strikes./
The primer explodes,/
releasing heat, igniting powder/
(carbon, sulfur, and saltpeter)./
In a shock wave it is gone/
leaving the barrel of an Uzi/
near the speed of sound./
In this example I've tried to pare down your poem to a tighter whole. Notice how I've removed the word 'gun' and 'bulet' because it is implied in the body of the poem. This also ads mystery to the piece, hopefully inviting the reader to continue. Sub-machinegun is also removed because the word Uzi already implies it as well. Hope this helps.
Take the above only as a suggestion. Thanks for posting.
| Gilded Coins chapter 1 . 10/21/2006
Hmm, very original and vivid. I could clearly picture each moment, as though following the bullet's journey in slow-motion. I like how you wrote it in a sort of detached way; it gives more emphasis to the insentience of the bullet and makes the penultimate line sound crueler, harsher.
The only problem I can see is numerous typos. In addition to the ones mentioned in the previous review, the last line says "isd" instead of "is"; "shockwave" is two words (according to my dictionary); and in line five, you seem to have left out an "it": "as if _ carries..."
Overall, I liked it very much. Good job.
| Spidery chapter 1 . 7/6/2006
This is a really unusual poem, but it's still great. I like the uncanny subject matter and the message at the end.
There were a few typos though. The most noticeable was where it said "Uzi submachingun" instead of "Uzi submachine gun", "insdtant" instead of "instant", and "itsa" instead of "its".
But it's still an awesome poem.