wow i loved this story! they were so stupid at times lol but yay they got together in the end! lol great story

x

This is an awesome story! I hope you'll keep writing more stories!

You reviewed my story so I feel I should do the same for you.(Not that it was any sort of burdening obligation though - I loved reading this. In fact I just started it and didn't stop until I finished.) Anyway what I liked most about this was the fact that it was the perfect length (some people just go on and on until you lose interest)and I felt like you knew exactly where you were taking it. Basically it just seemed like you were in control and everything fit together so nicely. And of course, there was so much romantic tension it was like an out of control pressure cooker.

Any way, various comments in no particular order;

I liked the Ken doll thing. that was creative.

And the Hari Krishna line, it made me laugh.

And the underpants with no crutch for convenience. bahahaha.

During the beginning of the "You screwed my sister" chapter, I kept invisaging Mel walking out of the surgery, Jared asking 'is it mine?' and the receptionist (who thought he was the brother) thinking she'd just stumbled across a really nasty case of incest.

It was so cool and familiar to see Australian place names thrown in there. It was also so fitting that mr perfect Eric would come from Surfers. Surfers Paradise is like this 'unbelievably good looking' person colony, and it's sickening. After a week there last year I got to the point where I wanted to fall to my knees in the middle of the shopping centre (where I was assualted by one fit, tanned body walking towards me after another) and scream 'find me an ugly person!'

Anyway, yes, very enjoyable. Although I'm not sure about the ending.I thought that the dirt bike accident was so much of a cliched sort of climax that it was actually an anti climax. I don't know. It felt a little too predictable and "Home and Away" ish for me. But, then again, this is Fictionpress, and cliches are what most of us are after anyway.

This story is very entertaining, especially how you made her pregnant to force Jared and Mel together.

GREAT STORY!

good it had the grandma pushing them

Koolio

GOOD STORY.

I LOVE IT.

lol. serves George right XD

Go to sleep mel. XD

aw

i love the YOu pass part XD

"You screwed my sister!" i love that. and the once part? hm.. on to the next chapter i suppose

Very nice! :) Get published!

aw im so happy you have added to my happiness this is so good! i love you for writing this! im dancing in chair im that happy! thanks for makign this a really good story to read i enjoyed it more than you will ever know!

True Calling