|Reviews for Xalvadora Jynx: Bonded of the Night|
| Durandel chapter 3 . 1/26/2008
Well... I wasn't the first one to review your new chapter, but at least I reviewed it the day it was published!
Anyways, sorry for the late review, I haven't been able to use the computer all day, so this is a little late I know.
Well, my current thoughts so far are actually really good, your style of writing has got me hooks, it focuses on emothions instead of extreme detail, and you can almost feel the person talking to you. It was a really god read. But I can't help feel that the name Eryk is really familiar... *sigh* well, truth is, one of my main character's name is Eryk, remeber from my very first story? Yeah, that guy, figured I'd bring him back, though with a complete overhaul.
I really do like the inner conflict you have going one right now, he true love is in a coma while some new guy is catching her attention, which is causing guilt, very deep and complex, and very good.
Can't really criticize you one anything, though a bit more dialouge would be more enjoyable, though the comunication through felings is actually really well done.
Well, all in all, this was realy good, catch you on the next update!
| WyrdWolf chapter 3 . 1/26/2008
Alas, so Xalvadora has to leave Erik behind. At the very least, the pain is not mutually felt. I can imagine how guilty she feels at starting to like Shane; it coincides with this episode of Scrubs I watched yesterday, incidentally. TCW.
Lilith! Do I see an upcoming power struggle here, over Shane, perhaps? Lilith seems like the antithesis of a friend of Xavvy's (or have we lost that nickname?).
The guilt Xalvadora feels is very well formulated and something with which most people could easily sympathize; it's easy to touch her emotions. Strong chapter, love.
| snowydawn chapter 2 . 2/14/2007
This story's plot seems really interesting. Eryk being bound to the Night (Xavvy) is especially something that can attract other readers. But then, you write very well also. Maybe work on making the chapters a little longer though.
And a love triangle always makes a story better. I wonder what, or if, Tucker will do to get Xavvy's affection.
Really good. Keep it up, and thanks for reviewing Witch Robot Hisaki chapter 2!
| Ailiea chapter 2 . 10/6/2006
What's with you and switching points of view? It both confuses and annoys me.
But anyway, I hope you make Eryk get some character development! I mean, if the heroine has to save a sleeping piece of luggage I won't feel sorry for her. Or maybe I will. Please continue.
| empathic life chapter 2 . 9/27/2006
And you haven't updated this... Why?
| brokendreams21 chapter 2 . 9/27/2006
O. It's been a while since I have been here and reviewed. Thanks for your last review...and sorry for never replying to your last e-mail. I swear I will do it this weekend. I promise.
Another really good chapter! Such detail and pretty-ness. Such romantic thoughts...*sigh* I can always count on you to leave me smiling after reading one of your pieces. (Wait...did that make sense?) Anyways...another job well done. As always. Keep up the awesome job!
| Spirit Tigress chapter 2 . 9/2/2006
Coolness! I don't have any idea which couple to go for so far! Update soon!
| Spirit Tigress chapter 1 . 9/2/2006
Cool start! I've been meaning to read this forever, but some crap stopped me. Nice! I must read more!
| Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 2 . 8/31/2006
Nice story. Real nice. can't wait for you to update it.
| diamond-dust08 chapter 2 . 8/21/2006
aside from the obviously intriguing title, the opening line was interesting and hooked me. you might have not heard of me; i tend to only write just overviews of stories, or mostly just con-crits these days. but because this story is still short, i'll just go forward to the overview-and also because i don't find anything worth mentioning as an error.
firstly the entire story exudes a mood of... well, romance and angst. this may not be actually your goal while creating this piece, but the two chapters so far are practically bursting with emotion-faithfulness, confusion, uncertainty, shock, and some other feelings that your words have implicitly expressed. it is so much powerful in fact that it eclipses the fantastical foundation of the story, like having "lifebonds" and some such, which was why Eryk's horrifying transformation was more mellow compared to Xavvy's growing attraction to Shane.
with such an amazing emotional power, it also followed that your character development should be strong as well-and i was happy to see that you didn't disappoint in this area either. Xavvy is a very developed character, with a full gamut of human emotions, and Shane runs in a close second even if he only had a short scene in chapter 2. usually, readers would like to identify with the main character, or even just any character, by finding a trait of the character that closely corresponds to them. while personally i can't identify with Xavvy (most probably because i'm a guy and she's a girl), i can empathize with her feelings because your treatment of her is fresh-as in raw. now what is good with that? giving us raw emotion is akin to giving a sculptor with clay-he can mold it to his will. that analogy applies here; the reader may take of it, what Xavvy feels, and apply it to his/her personal experiences. while this was partly achieved because of the first-person perspective, this is still a very excellent portrayal, and i'm glad that you have a knack for it.
the pace is okay too. there were some points that i felt was stretched too taut over the entire chapter, like it was happening all too fast and too soon. however, even with that, you still maintain a smoothly-flowing story (or some semblance of it) and it manages to at least feel like it was still happening in due time. it doesn't seem like it was rushed though, or the equivalent of a hastily drawn sketch, even if there was an element of a "too soon" which effectively ruins the chance for suspense. but maybe it was your style, so i'm shutting up already.
the first chapter has good tension, though, but as i said in that last paragraph that tension was rather unceremoniously demolished when the full and very descriptive explanation of the Night as an entity and the supernatural phenomena surrounding it was explicated (not only that, but Shane's role as well). mystery and suspense aren't really necessary, but they're there so the readers have an incentive to read more and eagerly wait for your updates. i'm just a reader, though, so i don't know if there's more to this than just that (which i hope there is). but in this line of art we always must live by the maxim: "keep your audience in the dark for as long as possible-and only offer the choicest tidbits just to get them going". chapter 2 however compensates for this having a really electric, highly-charged atmosphere surrounding Xalvadora and Shane, with regards to the looming meeting with Night and even with the quirky, gay humor of Tucker.
descriptive work... hmm, you might want to take a moment to work on this. i'm not asking like a Tolkienesque rendition of even a trifling thing like a puddle of water, but something that would color your backgrounds a little more. for example in chapter 1, although it was hooking (because of the aura of mystery than anything else), the clearing and the forest seemed just like any other dark wood, with clearings that can only be set apart by size. inject a little bit of detail, like the ambience, air quality/taste, sounds, anything just to make it stand out in our minds; don't let your readers have "stock footage", or imagining things and backgrounds by themselves because there was no adequate description of the setting/action/event.
chapter structure is all right, but i notice that you tend to make one-liner paragraphs when the idea in that paragraph is very similar to the preceding one. although use of one-liners is a part of literary effect, chopping it off and isolating it as a single line when it is just as good as attached to the one before it just takes up unnecessary space. again, this may just be your writing style, so i'm going to shut up. nevertheless, you've arranged your ideas and spaced events quite appealingly, and your grammar and diction are very fine.
and what should i say about the originality of the plot? hmm. creative and imaginative, this is one of the really ingenious take on the supernatural/fantasy genre. who would've thought of such a thing? i like how the process plays out, like the lifebonds, as well as the elemental powers that are usually just limited to the four great elements. this is a refreshing take on the all-too-standard magical overtones of a fantasy story, and i'm quite pleased with what you've presented.
i have to end this now as it's nearly 2am here in my time zone, and i stayed up just to give you a review and an objective truth to what i saw in your story. in a nutshell, you have a great, emotion-driven story with very original and intriguing concept behind it. you still may have some minor setbacks in execution, but overall, it would probably earn you my continued readership, at the very least. you are a great writer, BTW.
keep writing and i hope to see more of Xavvy in the future! if you can review me back, i'll be honored.
| Elliptical Shapes chapter 1 . 8/17/2006
Good start, Baxter, your character names are as zany as ever though!
| Durandel chapter 2 . 8/12/2006
Cool, that cleared up alot of things, and the story is getting better and better.
PS: As for My Character for Wish:... I was thinking Aria or Eryk.
| Durandel chapter 1 . 8/11/2006
Wow... it sounds deep so far, so is the guy turning evil, or is it som other thing... And thanks for reviewing Nocturne Blade, but could you review Element Wings? If you did that I could tell how much my writing has gotten better, and as for a beta... no I don't have one. And you have a character called Eryk too... they probably don't look the same tho.
PS: I really don't do yaoi parings, so could you please stop asking about it? I don't mean to be rude.
| WyrdWolf chapter 2 . 8/10/2006
I STILL feel special! _
Shane is so evil, trying to steal Xavvy away from Eryk like that...and Xavvy's being an infidel...I like it.
Man...it looks like Eryk is royally screwed...unless...um...something happens. Yeah, that would cover it! _-
p.s. *jumps 30 times*
| Sunshine Lust chapter 1 . 8/2/2006
Um. Hey, I found you randomly, and... you were born five days after me! So I figured I'd say "hi" because it's good to know people who are born around the same time as you. *nod*
And you have a lot of work up here. I'm really really sorry I don't have time to read it all, I just picked the first thing on the list. (Ha, yes, I'm a bit lazy.) The plot behind this is really interesting- I love Eryk's name, he seems like such a cool character! (I have a slight internal bias against Xavvy- my annoyance at female protagonists goes a long way back, and has nothing to do with you or you wunnderful writing style!) Their relationship is so sweet, though. I can't wait to find out more about what happens- and why! Stuff like that just doesn't happen randomly every day, y'all. *grin*
Write more soon! I'll be back later to browse around more :3
The Inestimable Dana