Reviews for Tsubasa Reverse
incandescente chapter 3 . 8/11/2006
this story is getting more intruiging! (: how did noir "love" eventide? and why? haha. anyway, continue writing!
Lccorp2 chapter 3 . 8/11/2006
Harr.

T'alnoth of the Gold Flight:

So long as you have the mechanics of your fantasy world down pat, or you can make up something really believable and consistent on the fly, it's all right.

-"Instinct". Faugh. Gut feeling is often worse than a wild guess.

...

...

...

The best review you can get from me is a short review.

Or maybe it's because nothing really much happened this chapter.

Oh well, until next time...
JTsui chapter 2 . 8/10/2006
Although currently only two chapters long, there is quite a bit of depth to the story with lots of intriguing characters whose appearance are shrouded in mystery. Each chapter is well planned and developed leaving the reader with just enough to be lured in anticipation of upcoming chapters.

The setting of the story appears to be within the dark ages of a fantastical alternative universe filled with Elves and magic. It is very apparent that a great deal of thought and planning went into every detail thus making the story flow with ease. Also, the writer demonstrates great knowledge in the universe that is being created and thus makes it easy for the reader to become immersed within.

There is a slight resemblance to the Lord of the Rings although, only in flavor; which piques the interest of all of us LOTR fans. This story reads like an epic filled with promises of further plot twists and turns that will truly be a fantastical ride to the reader. And thus I eagerly wait for more chapters to come!
Kafkaman chapter 2 . 8/9/2006
This is in response to your review of From the Shade of a Dream.

I won't criticise you for attention to detail, as it varies from author to author. However, some descriptions have a bit of a problem:"the Conclave’s insignia, three golden spears fashioned in the shape of one cross, their points up and bound by three circles of runes"

You clearly try to leave a precise picture in the reader's head with descriptions, but sometimes they just get muddled. For example, I have no idea what circles of runes look like, nor how three spears would be bound by them to make a cross.

Also, I note that this is the second time that a feeling of tension is described as a physical sensation-it's a strong enough description that it becomes noticeable when overused.

That katana is so long as to be almost absurd. Are you trying to get it to stick in the reader's mind as exceptional in some way? I'd try a different avenue.

Last, and I can't be sure about this, but that old english sounds a little off.

Now that I'm done with the criticism-

You have a very strong world here, with a very real sense of good and evil instilled in the characters. I alwqays believed that the best villains (because they're more realistic) are not the ones that are ridiculously evil just because they can be, but because they are misguided by evil ideas. Instead of making Noir seem just vindictive, here, it makes them seem rightfully offended in some way-still vindictive, but with reason. That's the best basis for fantasy worlds, whether they be simple or complex.

You really get a sort of an idea of advanced fantasy here-in that magic is included in many things, that it is almost commonplace. This kind of world is good for epic wars, but oddly enough, many fantasy novels tend to concentrate on what comes after, when advanced magical civilizations are in ruins. It's sometimes interesting to see what happens from their perspective.
Varena chapter 2 . 8/7/2006
Ok...first you need to know that I printed this up cause I have a harder time sitting at the computer to read something than sitting around with paper to read. So, the reason I mentioned that is cause when I finished, I was like "oh no! what happened to the rest?" I wanted to just keep reading and not put it down! This story is a lot of fun to read!

Now, there was one thing that kept holding me up. SO MANY descriptions. They are such wonderful things (somthing I actually don't use enough), but there is a limit where it starts to hold up the story. I kept having to re-read things cause I'd get confused between all the little intricate descriptions you used. But other than that, the story was definately very well writen and I can't wait to read more!
Ds14 chapter 1 . 8/7/2006
I won't be very critical of your use of a bajillion adjective and adverbs because it's better a lot than a little. Finding a comfortable medium is pretty hard to do. I, personally, like your detailed descriptions of surroundings and people.

I'm not replying to a review here, but I guess I'll say that the "billowing blonde hair" deal is alright because it adds to the fantastic element of the story. Most women tie their hair back in real life, but there are no elves in real life, either. Artistic lisence.

One mistake I saw was "His eyes still bored into the Knight Commander’s soul." I think it would be "bore" in this situation. I'm not 100% sure.

I saw another one, but I forgot where it was :-p.

Neways, I do like your ambiguous culture and environment. You borrowed from all over the world and I think that's pretty cool for a fantasy story. Great job, i'm inspired.
incandescente chapter 2 . 8/4/2006
i really liked this part,"Loss of honor merited death, for honor was life—such was the creed of a knight." the ending, of noir being a girl and imposing the kiss, reminded me of darth vader. as well of dementors of harry potter. (:
JJSLAM2129 chapter 2 . 8/4/2006
Your desprictions are very nice, and I like the name! Keep up the good work!
Lccorp2 chapter 2 . 8/4/2006
Harr.

T'alnoth of the Gold Flight:

On a side note, really unconnected to this story...

These "Judges" remind me of the Judges of Ivalice, Full armour that hides their features, armoured mounts, and the ability to do what they damn well please.

Heck, it'd have been funnier if Nive had been slapped with a red card and sent to prison.

XD
Lccorp2 chapter 1 . 8/4/2006
Harr.

T'alnoth of the Gold Flight:

-"The Conclave, that all-powerful council that administrated the Winter Wars, had already dispatched its own army, the Cruzada, led by the Judges, to break the stalemate, but it was for nothing."

Wait...so they're treating it like a game...eh?

-There is this thing I like to call the "emotional meterological fallacy". It's hard to describe exactly, but it involves changing the weather in order to suit the story/protagonist's feelings, with no plausible reason in sight. Let's give an example: A heroine cries, and it starts to rain outside. The hero swears revenge, or the villain laughs, and thunder and lightning resound from outside. Perfectly peaceful villages are always sunny; it never rains in them.

Get what I mean?

In this case, why do dark clouds follow the Alliance Army? Is it supposed to be a flashing neon sign of evil? Perhaps if they had a battle mage, and said battle mage summoned a fog or whatnot to conceal the advancing army (which doesn't say much, because they're blowing trumpets and everything. They ought to be fairly confident of winning, but even so, a surprise attack would minimise casualties...), it might work. Not dark clouds inexplicably gathering because the Author says so, and damnit, everyone knows that dark clouds are evil!

-Eyagh. I have nothing with women fighting, but why do they keep long hair? ("Billowing"...) The next time you watch women's sports, see how many of them have long hair, and if they do, see how many of them don't use hairpins, hairnets, or braid it neatly and tightly.

There's a reason for this: long hair can get in the way, especially during fighting, it's a liability. An enemy can easily grab at long hair, it can get into the heroine's eyes, impede her own weapon, get in the way of the fit of her helmet and make it easier to knock off.

Not to mention such hair never gets tangled, split, dirty or sweaty, which really is taking away the reader's suspenson of disbelief.

*Sighs* Well.

-There is a problem when omniscient narrative tries to tell the reader that some characters are good and some evil. Really.

-Do we really have to know every detail of how the Judges look, how the snow falls, how blah blah blah, especially when you're writing from Nive? I don't know...people being set to their deaths don't usually think or notice the fall of snow. I'll admit the fixation on the Judges-they're supposed to be his executors, but other than that...the rest of the descriptions seem out of way for such a scene.

Before putting in any exposition/description, ask these:

-Is it necessary to the plot?

-Is it enjoyable to read?

-Would it be noted by the person in the scene, given familiarity, personality and sutiation.

-Does it match the pace of the current scene?

If the answer to all 4 is "no" I'd ask you to seriously reconsider the description.

-Ooh, a katana. I really, really hope you have some plausible explanation in there, and it's not there just because "!" complex so many people on FP seem to have.

Especially when the judge is speaking in what might pass for old english...

I'll just take this from a previous review of mine:

"Adapt names to the other names around them. It makes no sense to have a character named Tito, and his parents be Helga and James. Yes, fantasy steals cultures from the real world, including names, but it makes no sense to blindly mix and mesh two cultures together. Your readers will bring their real-world sensibilities to this, since you’re using real-world names. If there are English, French, Spanish, Japanese and German names all existing together in one place, you’re going to have to come up with a complicated history of invasions to explain it. It’s much easier just to use a certain set of names for a certain people. (Tad Williams does this well in his Osten Ard novels, where the characters that have English names do so because their King came from a culture that used them, and it was decided that people born in the vicinity of the castle would have their names modified to that, or whatever was closest).

Never forget when you’re planning out your social and cultural history, which many fantasy authors do, that those invaders or conquerors or settlers or traders or immigrants will carry their language along with them. The linguistic dimension of history is often neglected, but there’s no reason it should be. And if half of your characters have names with long strings of vowels and the others almost no vowels at all, I will want to know why.

There are so many fantasy characters floating around with Japanese names in completely wrong settings simply and only because their authors read too much manga and believed anything remotely associated with Japan was cool. I want to soak those characters in acid."

Harr.
Now-Closed chapter 2 . 8/3/2006
*shivers* Oh, that gave me the chills. Interesting twist that the creepy-judge person is a girl... woman... female. *waits for next chapter*
Now-Closed chapter 1 . 8/3/2006
Uwwahh! I like this very much so far. The descriptive words are wonderful. The characters are intruiging, and the way they interact with eachother is believable. I await the next chapter!

(BTW, sankyuu so much for the nice long review. You just made my day honey)
fenrir-131 chapter 1 . 8/1/2006
Good writing skills, since i am a fan of the LOTR i hope you catch the a of publisher this will fly off the shelves
Aki-kun chapter 1 . 7/31/2006
Nice. The story's imagery is powerful I could almost feel like I am one of those doomed soldiers. You really know traditional warring and such. This story somehow reminds me of LOTR, Escaflowne and the Ragnarok manwha by Lee Myung-Jin.

Cliffy...
SimpleDreamer chapter 1 . 7/29/2006
My, this was fasinating. I wonder why I didn't notice this before... O_o; I'll say that I have read the other story as well, and I love your concept a lot. (Btw, I'm the one who wrote Death Smile. Your last review to it was exactly the reason why I stopped writing it. I realized that 3 months ago so, yeah, I just decided to drop it altogether. X3 Gonna be more original from now on.)
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