Reviews for Tsubasa Reverse
anti-climax chapter 9 . 10/12/2006
Nive's a lazy bum who eats like a pig and gets shy around girls with horns. Oh, and he killed an apparently innocent farmer and encouraged his son to be stronger so as to fight him another time.

He's an anti-hero, that's for sure. well, I prefer anti-heroes to noble, perfect heroes anytime which is just as well.

Godhand (do you know that there's a game named after her now?) is back. And she's pissed with Nive who seems to draw trouble wherever he is.

A few stories going on in a story. Can't really say I'm fond of this but I think you should be able to conduct it well. Just as long as it doesn't get too confusing )

Another building-up chapter. Conflicts are set into motion. Well, keep writing!
Fiore Chnudth chapter 6 . 10/12/2006
This was in general a good chapter. My major concern is the when they fight, there seems to be going teenager-coolness in it. And this reflect a bit on your style. For in general the style is very describtive and somewhat poetic. But all the poetry leaves when you become cool, so to speak.

Half-blood - cool!

mute attestation - cool!

The "its a little dark"-part was funny!

Heads like eggs - not cool!

Risque kimono - not cool! Didn't like your describtions of sexuality is a bit childish to me. Or at least out of touch with your general style. Cleavage and whatnot.

Winter Speech - still cool!

Why is collateral damage in italics?

The dialogue following 'smartass' was way below standard I think.

All the lights and lightning part, angry fingers of rain and whatnot in that paragraph. That was good and kind of freaky too, in the good way, mind you.

Uppercut, roundhouse - didn't like!

Cearudin kora 'i silrimar - very cool! Especially the last word that seems a bit familar and hints to the following translation.

now now now - I don't know!

Liked most of the verse near the end. Especially the part linking to the chapter title. And the now heed my call, now heed my toil was last line of that verse - very good.

KH

KHL
ainedamdz chapter 8 . 10/11/2006
Whew, i finally finished. *gasps for air*

Man, that was so cool. I.. I'm.. speechless. 'nuff said.

"idol!" _.. update soon. (you will tomorrow, ayt?)
Kristina Suko chapter 8 . 10/10/2006
"...with her fitted leather clothing that revealed a lot of her dusky skin. " I like that description.

I find it strange to think about the fact that the moment you are conceived, you begin to die. Life is the longest death of them all... anywho... that just reminded me because she said "Only in death only does life begin." (typo, by the way. I had to read it twice before I caught it. (two "only"s)

I kind of like Nive... as a character, I mean. Too bad he's not a good guy.

"Her heart thundering in her chest that it seemed" - *so* that it seemed. (Princess Royal Amitiel Riognach)

"But she took the bait nonetheless." - but and nonetheless mean pretty much the same thing in this sentence. So it's redundant. Either nonetheless or but, but not both.

"Kera Evergrace, the youthful half-Elf whom Amitiel had counted on with her secret, was wearing a sheepish look on her face, waving at her. You betrayed me! she thought furiously, rolling her eyes at her." Which "she" is thinking "you betrayed me"? Kera or Amitiel?

" Cassiel sighed audibly" Usually when people sigh, it's audible. huh... yea.

I just learned a new word... thanks to you D (I didn't realize sally was anything other than a name...but now that I think about it... I have heard it before...)

Thbe sudden warmness of Cassiel to embrace her sister seems out of character with her coldness earlier.

"Amitiel found her heart beating fast; Alocer was the most beautiful man she had ever seen." Hehehe... I like that description too. (how he's the most beautiful man she's ever seen.)

"Ladrinne’s face might as well be cut from stone with her reaction." Have been, not be. It's past tense, mind you.

"Half an hour later the ferry ... basically dominated by a white-walled, pristine-looking barbican with needle towers and flying banners." - Basically is a word that should be banned from writing, as well as literally, unless it's spoken. (you didn't use literally this time, but you have.)

"There were a lot of ships than last he remembered here, ..." A lot *more* ships.

Uh oh... what did he do... or what are they doing? Aoi is in trouble. hm. Pretty good... sorry I didn't get this to you yesterday- I read all of it but the part with Aoi, and then my dad kicked me off the computer. P

D
Fiore Chnudth chapter 5 . 10/10/2006
I don't get the title. I don't think in general I get your titles for the chapters, but this one I really didn't get.

It was nice though that this chapter followed the last in a way I could understand.

My plea is still that you help me get the connection between the chapters for it is kind of beating my enjoyment that I don't get where the different chapters are to be in the context of time. Until this chapter I was starting to wonder if the reverse-part of the story-title was to tell me something.

Enough of that...

I would have liked if you had found another word for kidnapping or maybe divided that word into two (kid/child napping). It gives a too contemporary feel that word.

I have said it before, but once in a while odd words find their way to your writing, often its dated words like sugarcoating and gum. ;-)

I liked it a little when Fanella was being deep, like what is a seer but a window.

Like the use of the word Seer. So many others could have been used, but this gives a special feel I dare believe to be deliberate on your part.

The flower deepness was not as good as the window deepness, but it was okay. Maybe a bit too dragged out and explained though.

I would like it if you more often wrote the name instead of he and she, him and her, and so on. Just to make it easier to know who's who, in case you don't pick up on enough the first (and somewhat only) time you define the character.

Tumbledown Pass - cool!

Red smile - cool!

Interpretation of the beholder seems to mess with another phrase and it didn't work for me. Change the word beholder and I'll like it.

Humongous - not cool, dated.

Bitchspawn - I don't know!

Cunt - not cool! I understand that that word may have an effect as it is so clearly out of touch with your somewhat poetic style, but I didn't care for it. Not even a little.

tsked - why do you love that word? :-)

KH

KHL
Fiore Chnudth chapter 4 . 10/9/2006
This was an interesting enough chapter, but I don't really get where it belongs in the context of time. Why is Nive where he is now? This I also touched on in a previous review.

There was again a few longer paragraphs, especially in the beginning, but it didn't feel as wrong in this chapter as it has in others. The second paragraph was one of the ones that were too long for my taste, but the describtions of the inn was good.

"The elves are moving." I liked that statement even if it was repeated.

The conclave will declare war - that paragraph felt a bit like a social, political commentary. Was it?

Maybe you should have mentioned Irenus' name earlier!

Lots of names, concepts, places and so on in this chapter. A lot more than usual, even though you always use a lot. Too much? I don't know! Had no difficulty following along.

Would have loved it if the humans had another word for half-elf. Some term or name for being a half breed would be cool.

"Bestard sword" - cool!

KH

KHL
felicia13 chapter 8 . 10/7/2006
Yay Nive! But poor Aoi ... I feel quite badly for him. I mean ... why is he being arrested?

As I'm now caught up, I can say "please update soon". So ... please update soon. I do like this story and am wondering where it's going. Really. So ... WRITE ON!

Felicite.
felicia13 chapter 7 . 10/7/2006
Cliffhanger, much? I wonder who that man is ... and what is with his halo?

Excellent action. I feel badly that Nanami has to die, but I guess it had to happen ...

So, no sign of Nive in this chapter. That's sad. Where do you come up with these names?

Felicite.
felicia13 chapter 6 . 10/7/2006
Wonderfully described. It reminds me of my Creative Writing project (details, not the scene).

Oh, Happy 100th! Is it me, or did someone review while I was reading? I hope not ...

Yeah. I'm pretty into this now. I PROMISE (for really real this time) to finish this today. *growls to self* It's been too long. I'm finishing this TODAY!

Ok. Happy 100th, again.

Felicite.
Fiore Chnudth chapter 3 . 10/7/2006
This to me was the best chapter of this story yet.

I think there were less of the things I have been criticing in this chapter and the general flow of it felt better to me.

Its a very interesting and very fantasy idea to make the swords to important.

Its not so fantasy though that the women have all the power, but a fun sidenote that is.

Many cool concepts and names too.

KH

KHL
JJSLAM2129 chapter 8 . 10/6/2006
Finally, an update! I was getting worried that you were going to drop it. . .

Okay, a small typo here: "The more of a fool you [are]." You dropped the verb in that sentence. There might have been a few other things, but sometimes the mind just sort of reads over mistakes to get the jist of the writing.

Well, this chapter was...herm, how do I put this. Let's says there's positives and negatives to it.

Positive: - - - I love how this is turning into such an epic adventure. Now there's three stories on which either will collide or be changed by the same event [or at least end at the same time]. I'm really looking forward to that!

Negative: - - - The negative? A very emo/angry chapter. I guess this was sort of expected. It seems like ever story has one of those "after the disaster" chapters in which everyone gets pissed off and they get a little /too/ deep. Nonetheless, it was written very well. Kudos for that!

Please update soon! Great job again! ( :: )

P.S: Thanks for the review! If you have any ideas for topics, email me.
criti-sized chapter 8 . 10/6/2006
Yeah, a long two weeks since an update, it's good to see you updated, though it seemed like it was longer.

This chapter it seems is starting to take the story into another level of it. It seems that it's also explaining everything gradually. I liked the dialogue that you had, it seemed realistic for the fact that Liera is still suspicious of Nive... Then again, it looks like she could befriend him.

The part though with Ami and her sister, the queen, was very nice, the emotion in it between the two of them was good. It shows a type of insight between the two sisters and their relationship that I'm not sure if you portrayed before.

And then Aoi's arrest, that was a perfect ending, especially with the cigarette bit at the end.

"Then more of a fool you." I think you meant to add 'are'.

"“No, please, Ami. I can’t stand not seeing you, or knowing if you’re all right.”" I think it's alright, instead.
incandescente chapter 8 . 10/6/2006
i liked the way at the end, how the cigarette was mentioned yet again. i liked your dialouge as well. :) its meatier, and more realistic in a way. i'd say that your words have taken flesh, and your characters are slowly becoming an epic sized reality for me. :) continue writing!
anti-climax chapter 8 . 10/6/2006
a nice building-up chapter. Nive and Liera are comparing theology, the Princess decides to take action into her own hands and Aoi is arrested. And Nive is revealed to be a friend with Nanami...lots of loose ends left for now )
Fiore Chnudth chapter 2 . 10/5/2006
The first few paragraphs were very good, I think. As always, I would have liked it if they had been broken into smaller parts, but this should not take away from the fact that I thought it well written. Good describtions in a somewhat original style.

The chapter itself made good sense and was easy to follow, but I fail a bit to understand the timeline in context of the prologue and Devil King.

Was this chapter before the prologue? And if so how is this the direct sequel of Devil King? Was this chapter later in time than the prologue? And if so what happened to the dude at the end of the prologue? Is Nive not that dude?

I don't know what to think of Godhand, the black armoured judge, being called Noir. It seems a bit inserious to me.

And then you used the word confetti. This I didn't like. Especially not since the describtions right after it, with the mirrors, were very good. But this seems to be your style to some extent: writing very original and poetic, and then slamming in a contemporary/ordinary word. Its an odd choice, I think.

I thought it good that you in this chapter made some mentions of the snow. This to me was lacking in Devil King, so good to see it here.

The end I'm ambiguous about. Off hand I don't like it, but at the same time I'm a bit intrigued.

KH

KHL

PS: hope to get some clarification of the timeline and context of this chapter, the prologue and Devil King. Maybe in the coming chapters and if not, maybe in an A/N or something.
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