Reviews for Tsubasa Reverse
Fiore Chnudth chapter 1 . 10/5/2006
Another Tsubasa Reverse I just started. Many of the generic comments made earlier can also be applyed to this chapter for your style is somewhat the same.

Before the chapter, you have a don't-fringe-my-copyright statement. They have become rather popular, but I find them a bit conceeded, so when I see it, I demand more from the text that follows. For who would want to steal your ideas unless they were really great?

To the chapter:

The written sounds (thrum, boom and whatnot) are very Tolkien. I don't know if I liked them in LOTR and I don't know if I like them in this piece. But that's my oppinion and I acknowledge that they cover a need to some extent.

As always there are some words and phrases, I like a lot and some I really dislike (no gum-badness here though) :-)

I like phrases like playing with sticks and stones, whereas the use of the word government put me off. I like when you describe a fantasy setting and dislike when you use contemporary words.

The describtions of the armies and so on were good, but I would have liked a more personal touch to it also. Maybe a dialogue between two soldiers on the children or something.

I wondered why there would be a lieutenant who fears combat!

There were more clich├ęs in this piece than I remember there to be in the others. The tough battle hero marrying the crown princess for one. Swearing oaths you do not like as another.

All your names and placenames have a good fantasy feel.

The cliffhanger was alright.

KH

KHL
felicia13 chapter 5 . 10/4/2006
Nice. I kinda got distracted again. I'm here to finish this, for real!

This chapter was good. I like Fanella. She's fun. And Nive is cute. At least, that's how I see him. You probably don't use the word "cute" thinking of him in your head, but ... what can I say?

I liked her saying that she was the gardener, hence the title of the chapter. It all ties together so nicely!

Felicite.
felicia13 chapter 4 . 9/25/2006
Whoa! Who's the little girl and what was Nive doing? Who were the cavalry looking for and what's up with the princess?

Lots of new characters and lots of descriptive sentences. *sigh* I'm trying my hardest here, but it's complicated.

Au revoir, for now!

Felicia.
Kristina Suko chapter 7 . 9/23/2006
huh... I think the fight was drawn out a bit too long, as well as Nanami and Aoi's conversation while he sat on Moloch.

And it seems like Moloch could have lasted at least a little longer... and his description brought to mind a big red cartoon looking didn't sound all too fierce to me. But that might just be me.

Since a previous reviewer has already pointed out grammar, I won't.

Otherwise, it's not bad.

D
JJSLAM2129 chapter 7 . 9/22/2006
After a night of sleeplessness, my brain can't function as it normally does. So pardon if this review isn't a prime, nagging critique. So let's see...

-A few tiny grammar/wording things that caught my eye.

"She screamed, but her voice was lost in the chaos of the battle, and she tried to find Aoi, but he too was lost in the confusion." - - - That sounds like a runon. Try to either condense those sentences into one or make two compound sentences out of the four present.

"...flattening an entire section of the ground as chunks of snow and rock..." - - - I would make a new sentence starting with 'chunks'. That's just me, tho'.

There's something about the use of the word 'stifle'. At least when I use it, I equate stifle more with 'asphyxiate' rather than 'repress'. Both definitions are correct, but hm... well, I guess I should have left that alone...

-I have to admit, I thought Moloch would at least stand a good chance against a Judge. After all that summoning time taken during battle... wasted...

-Oh, so Azoth can only be used on contact...Okay, the whole 'why didn't she just take him down' thing is cleared!

-Hm, I dunno, the wise, white haired man saved Aoi from certain death, even if it was to inform him of his...well, destiny, I suppose. I smell a small (but certainly acceptable) Deus Ex Machina. Sometimes I feel a little DEM is necessary. When it become excessive or repetative, then it becomes annoying...

-I'm kind of happy Nanami died. She irritated me a tad. There I said it.

Overall another excellent chapter! Smart of you [and yes I /just/ noticed this], adding a copyright to your story. I'm sorry I haven't updated at all for the past...jeez two months it feels like. Please, do update soon! Can't wait for more ( :: )
felicia13 chapter 3 . 9/22/2006
Oh, that's fun. What fun plot twists you can conjure!

Really, I'm rather liking this a lot now. I shall try my bestest to read the remaining four chapters today. My bestest.

Felicia.
Yaminah chapter 2 . 9/22/2006
yeash!

And yet another amazing story from your "overly active" imagination. ) I love the usual way you narrate - it seemingly brings the reader to the scene (i believe that this has been the constant comment that I've been giving you ever since i've read your works).

And I must agree to your previous statement about that "overly active" imagination of yours. Hey! I've guessed that Godhand is a woman, but it shocked me to read about her brutally unusual way of handling some supposed to be romantic encounter between a man and a woman. ;p

Keep writing master! Oh, and I'm awfully ashamed of this totally late review, which, I believe, was promised days back. *bows*
criti-sized chapter 7 . 9/21/2006
This was a very good chapter, there were probably things that needed a few things, but I didn't have the patience die to my headache.

I was a bit surprised that the judge died, I mean, I'd had a feeling that would happen, but I thought maybe later on.
iamthedave chapter 1 . 9/21/2006
One of the best stories I've seen on here. Definitely very good.

A few things, though. I don't personally react well to onamatopoea. The thing is about the sounds at the beginning, they have no feeling behind them. I think it's better to describe the noise and the emotions it invokes rather than go the route you took. But that's me.

In one or two places there's too many words for things. For example: "The comely young knight with her braided golden hair looked at him, shamefaced." It might be better just to say 'the young knight' maybe with something to indicate her mood. Describe looks and stuff elsewhere.

The ending is very strong.

It'd be appreciated if you could review my works. There's a few on here...
incandescente chapter 7 . 9/21/2006
wow.

the judge died. at first i was kinda thinking that hey, no wonder aoi was so arrogant in the previous chapter, he had a weapon! i thought the judge was defeated, and it appeared that she thought so too.. but what superb turn of events! :)

yes aoi continue fighting!
incandescente chapter 6 . 9/21/2006
there' more dialouge. :) i found it quite funny that aoi kept shutting the old man up. perhaps its just my own warped sense of humor. :)

it seemed to me that the judge had become "realer" in a way to me, more alive and vibrant.

i don't really known why, but this chapter appeared more, modernistic than the previous few chapters. :)

continue writing! though its not that i doubt you will, heh.
anti-climax chapter 7 . 9/21/2006
...moloch was...most unimpressive. Bah! I thought that with that long fancy incantation he would have been able to stand up against the Judge but... Damn, I'm disappointed with it.

The messenger? a little like Medivh from the Warcraft universe which is cool ) As for Nanami dying, I have to say I have mixed feelings about that... I thought she might have been an interesting companion for Aoi :/

Oh well, it's another interesting chapter as always; but I would have preferred a lengthier battle between those two... :)

Good job anyhow.
MarkPenn chapter 2 . 9/19/2006
Descriptions, descriptions, descriptions. You must have spent hours on these paragraphs. No mistakes I can see. I like the concept of judges but it also sounds like FFTA. Can't wait to read more!
ainedamdz chapter 6 . 9/18/2006
*salutes to Maranwe Telrunya* Yeah, she's/he's one heck of a critic. But then, you're also one heck of a writer, so I guess you deserve that. Very good descriptions, nice dialogue, and cool characters. (Uhm, do I really have to repeat the same old comments over and over again?...)

So maybe all the other writers are giving you CC, but me, I'll give you the usual FF (freaky flatteries) .. YEAH you rock, er- your story rocks! I wonder why I wasn't able to read this new chapter sooner. Hm. Very good fight scene there, too. Well, there were some errors, but nothing too grave (and I'm sure all of us commit these kind of errors once in a while.. I do - a lot).. Overall, still a great story, yeah.

By the way, I read your profile earlier, and thanks for the special mention. Heh, I chuckled a bit there; didn't I mention my gender in my profile? Hm, maybe not. Well, it's not important anyway.

Sige po, ang galing galing niyo at ang husay niyong sumulat. Sana magka chapter 7 na kaagad kasi nga curious na curious na me kung ano ang mangyayari... Uh, well, okay then. Since I don't have anything decent to say to you anyway, I'll end here. Yeah.

UPDATE SOON! _
MarkPenn chapter 1 . 9/18/2006
Before the first paragraph ended I could viualize the whole scene. You are one heck of a writer.
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