|Reviews for Clockwork Paradoxes|
| Nemonus chapter 1 . 7/4/2007
Some lines make me go "Ooh," because they're just pretty: "alluded to ...illusions,", "In his pocket he kept a paradigm that/only cost a nickel, a promise, and ambivalence."," He dressed entropy in quark suits and string ties". Only "essense of apotheosis in apoptosis" sounds too contrived. Good.
| aurora llyria chapter 1 . 11/27/2006
First, one note that the nitpicker in me insists on mentioning: saying your poem "is whipe creme," and "is" all those other things, is not a simile (even more nitpickily, you spelled that wrong, although I shouldn't talk when I'm using words like "nitpickily"). I'm quite sure that that's a metaphor, since similes must use "like" or "as." I know this is kind of irrelevant since it's not actually about the poem itself, although for the record I rather like your metaphor. It's fun ...for lack of a better word.
Anyway, about the poem, I don't really care if I don't understand all of it, whether it's because I'm just ignorant of the subject matter or because it's not meant to make much sense anyway. Because it's pretty and unusual, in my opinion, and the weird words interest me even if (or maybe because) I don't fully understand them...and, by the way, I saw your Cosmic Tea picture and I think it goes very nicely with the poem - or they go nicely together, since I don't know which came first. Yay for swirly starriness, 'tis prettiful.
I'm talking normally again now. Okay, so in general I sort of feel like a poem should be able to stand by itself without explanation from the author (I don't mean your pie metaphor, I'm referring to your review/response to steev), but in this case I'm glad you wrote that because it really does help me understand what there is to understand here. Now I like it more and can better appreciate the cleverness in all the word play. For example, I did not know that "paradigm" is pronounded "pair-a-dime," which was interesting to learn and also makes the poem more interesting and more...make-sense-ish. Rather ironic, really, that I'm using such a nonsensical (ah, perhaps "sensical" is the word I want, but I don't know if that's a word either) word to talk about making sense...but anyway, my point, if it was not immediately apparent, is that I am thanking you for your explanation, and describing how it helped me enjoy this poem, and admiring your word play. And I love all the ways you tie in science - chemistry, physics, astronomy - to your writing, and make it all poetic and mystical and pretty. (I say "pretty" here because of its whip creme-ness, if that makes sense - because this poem, according to you, is "decorative" and "fun" - I'd say "beautiful" or something like it for a more serious, profound piece. But "pretty" here is good enough for me. :-) )
And also, I would like to quote this review: "Like everything you write, this left hanging in the air a magic feeling of intellectuality mixed with pure inspiration," because I like that description and it expresses quite well how your writing feels to me.
| Bitter.Sweet.Endings chapter 1 . 10/29/2006
I love the way you word things. I love the way you give all these crazy words such meaning in the story, which gives me a reason to pull out my dictionary a read up on "ambivalence." and "somnambulant". I love the whole entire concept of this, and the whole entire thing.
| Take The Stairs chapter 1 . 8/6/2006
Like everything you write, this left hanging in the air a magic feeling of intellectuality mixed with pure inspiration.
| oxytocin chapter 1 . 8/3/2006
Your author notes are pretty fun to read. And you write good reviews. And good summaries. I do like this. A lot. Your writing is very professional. Are you published? Man, you should be. (Woah, stop with the singing of the praises, now.) :D
P.S 'Alluded to lewd illusions'? EXQUISITE.
| Ms Letty M chapter 1 . 8/2/2006
That’s amazingly good, it reminds of if something you get from The Dresden dolls or the phsycadilc furs (both bands you may not have herd of!), I also kind of reminds me of Alice in wonderland, just the brilliant confuseingness of it all. My personal favourite part was the last line ‘(It’s a sideways eight, he said.)’ Big thumbs up!
P.S thanks for the review.
| lucifer burning chapter 1 . 7/26/2006
Hmm. It's good now, but I liked it better before.
Can you send me a copy of the original, please? I'd intended to print it out to show my (internet-less) friend.
| poet tree chapter 1 . 7/25/2006
My god, you've got a rather large vocabulary.
I read this through once, then went and got a dictionary (although I only had to look up echolalia and somnambulant! go me!) and then decided to add this to my favorites. There is something very trippy about this, an Alice in Wonderland kind of feel to it. Love.
| drippingdreams chapter 1 . 7/25/2006
steev: Thanks for all the crit, but I'd like to give you the #1 rule of critiquing: try to find something good and mention it somewhere, even if it's a tiny little thing. Even if you only like one word.
Furthermore, I think you totally missed the point of this piece. I purposefully repeated words with the same meanings, and almost everything means more than it appears at face value. It's all plays-on-words. "Stormy eyes" refers to Jupiter's stormy red spot, while "eyes" was necessary to connect "dewdrops" (of sleep) to somnambulance (sleepwalking)... which connects paly & tragedy. "Paradigm" only cost "a nickle"... since paradigm is pronounced "pair-a-dime"... "milky whey" as in "the milky way," and the fact that whey is indeed a part of milk.
Half the point of this piece was wordplay, and the other half WAS to use big, confusing words as a sort of attempt to get the reader to see that the whole piece is not to be taken seriously.
Next time you critique, please also suggest how things could be improved, not just say what is "idiotic" and "meaningless shit." Would YOU like to receive a review like this?
I'll take a stroll through your shelf and see how amazing and god-like your poetry obviously is. Thanks for your time.
| steev chapter 1 . 7/25/2006
L1: bad line break. Contact with what? Nothing is specified, so this is abstract, meaningless.
L2: bad line break. "extant" is unnecessary; it does nothing to modify snowflakes in any way. One doesn't need to explain summaries. These two first lines might "sound cool", but they're ultimately meaningless.
L3: whey is part of milk; "milky whey" is redundant & ostentatious.
L4: cut- corny, melodramatic, idiotic, & cliched.
L5-8: What paradoxes, & how do they resemble clockwork items? Why are the shells anutilus (needless modifier)? Then, we have shells repeating themselves (your description of what "reqiuem of... pasts) something else which is meaningless to a reader. There are a ridiculous number of abstract (& meaningless) nouns, imagery, etc. Ephemerons are inherently transient, so the specification is unneeded, & points towards one thing- you're trying very hard to sound more intelligent than you actually are. Distilled, this section is nothing but nonsense; a blatantly ostantatious grasp at meaning which simply doesn't exist trying to hide behind big words. The rest of it continues with more meaningless shit ("universal universe in unicorn words"? Come off it.), bad line breaks, juvenile philosophy, & red herring allusions.
cliches- "stormy eyes", "only cost a nickel", "possible pasts", "cup of infinity".
| Aetha Daemon chapter 1 . 7/25/2006
This reminds me of a mix between that Clocks painting, and Alice and Wonderland. You sound like...Oh, who was it? The Caterpillar? With the impeccable logic...And then the Queen, with difinitive conclusions. Yes, I do now want to go pick up a dictionary so that I canlearn these words, but that takes all the fun and meaning out of a poem. If you can use a 3 cent word instead of a five-dollar word, use it! Though half the fun of this poem was the solemn tone with which you spewed words that only one who has memorized the college vocab lists know. I have never even SEEN most of them! So, oh well. I still liked it!
| ritalin chapter 1 . 7/25/2006
Oh man, this is fantastic! I loved every last bit of it from start to finish. That was the best play on words I might've ever read. That had me grinning and frowning and thinking and anything else you can think of all over the place. Dang, and what a great ending. Seriously. Great work. (:
| Miss Lily Rose chapter 1 . 7/24/2006
I love your word usage, even if it sometimes doesn't mean quite what it did, it does after you're done with it.