|Reviews for friends forever|
| PocoSnow15 chapter 1 . 9/26/2006
Great job! I feel exactly like this! My friends are my world! Thanks for the review!
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 9/9/2006
I realy love those last two lines... the whole piece is great.. beautiful imagery
| by His blood chapter 1 . 8/17/2006
the bitter irony of the title and the pure raw beauty of this poem made me hold my breath. this is so amazing - absolutely beautiful, the ending is especially perfect but this entire poem says so much. sad and heart-breaking and just beautiful.
| eighteen hundred chapter 1 . 8/14/2006
I liked the first stanza so much. You used alliteration really well there, and some more of it throughout the rest of the piece might be neat. "Turbulent throb" and such: excellent. I also liked the images described here- the familiar collection of money notes and red eyes but then some that aren't as repetitive- playing cards by the water with your friends; very captive of a period. Great stuff.
| Aimee Raven chapter 1 . 8/10/2006
Aw...it's sad, everything is so ephemeral! Such gorgeous imagery! The first stanzas really recreate an amazing atmosphere of well-being and complete trust in one another...and habit of being together practically...and then in the end all the friendship fades away...reality :-P. You're an amazing poet, truly! Love, Mia
| Aquafied chapter 1 . 8/7/2006
that day remained the same in each one of our eyesplaying cards by the eerily flat grey sea, we died.-thats heartbreaking
its always nice to think, well, that was when...
| chaos called creation chapter 1 . 8/5/2006
completely striking all the way through.
| Aneliz Rei chapter 1 . 8/5/2006
The two references to the pupil are strangly graphic, and it makes me a bit uncomfortable. That said I don't think it unappropriate as you referenced "high on gasoline"... Maybe its that the first two stanzas evoke such vivid imagery, and then distance is added in the third and fourth.
| Gilee7 chapter 1 . 8/2/2006
[in a spectacular show-down for the last days of youth] Even though this isn't what the line refers to, at least not directly, I think of graduation everytime I see "spectacular show-down." Since that's what graduation basically is: a celebration for the end of our youth, many high school friends hang out together and swear to each that they will remain close no matter what university they go to, that they will somehow stay in contact no matter the distance. That's never the case, though. Everybody goes their separate way, only occasionally running into those "best friends forever," mostly at a high school reunion.
[and we were transfixed by the images passing by our / blood shot, dilated eyes.] This is a great throwback to the "high on gasoline" line in the first stanza.
[and feasted for the two hours it took to get us / to never never land.] Do you mean "never land" as in "not land?" Or do you mean it as Neverland: the former home of Michael Jackson and the place Peter Pan lived, where kids never grow up. The latter seems most likely, and it totally fits with the theme of the poem.
[I thought it a metaphor for / our real lives were just beginning that day] This sounds a little awkward.
[side by side / on the itchy sunburnt grass,] "Sunburnt grass" is great figurative language.
[we let / the silence settle upon us like childhood blankets / encasing us in that one afternoon of perfect bliss.] Great lines. "Childhood blankets" is the perfect term here.
[(buried deep down in the careless mists of my mind like a box in the attic )] Love this line.
[Itwas a nod,] Loading error.
This poem is absolutely amazing. Until recently, when I finally started reading a majority of your work, I had never realized just how talented a writer you truly are. I totally had you underrated, especially as a poet. You're amazing. Repeat: amazing.
I could gush and gush and gush over this poem. It's fantastic. It's very tightly wound, has a great use of grammar (which is something every poet on this site seems to ignore), and the imagery is five-star. The poem reads like a story, or, to be more accurate, since this is what I saw: a music video, just without the music, of course. But the images really feel like something I'd see in a music video, especially with "you" walking down the street and passing an old childhood friend that you haven't seen in years, and then the music starts as you think back to this "spectacular show-down."
The poem has a realistic feel to it, which is quite excellent. Many poems of this type are just a string of cliches that don't really have any personal feel to them. Everything that happened in this poem might be totally made up, but it didn't FEEL that way. Also, I love how you seem to have such a firm grasp of your words and lines, and how in stanza three you might refer back to something in stanza one. That shows how deeply involved you are with your own writing, how attached you get to it.
I don't do the favorite stories thing. I just add my favorite authors and leave it at that. But if I DID list my favorite stories, this poem would be my newest addition. This whole "friends forever" deal is something I think about quite often, since I'm getting to the point, with my second year of community college, where next year I'll be going off to some university and leaving my friends behind. I worry that even if I move back here and they stay here, too, that we'll never re-capture the tight bond that we currently have. This poem is actually quite sad, though it doesn't feel as sad as it truly is. It's more like the poem acknowledges the sadness of the situation, but then shrugs its shoulders at it, since the poem knows this is the way it almost always is.
Amazing poem, citrus. Write on!
| Nobody-n-Particular chapter 1 . 8/2/2006
| Elizabeth Ebony chapter 1 . 8/2/2006
i love this poem,i fucking adore your imagery,you are amazing.
| arcane devices chapter 1 . 8/1/2006
I like the imagery, and the formatting you used in this piece. But what makes this piece thrives is it's longevity. I look forward to your next update. - ADD-san
| FlamingoChickadee chapter 1 . 8/1/2006
Wow. This is really good. The imagery is fantastic, and the meaning behind it is clear. Great job!
| Aslan Israel chapter 1 . 7/31/2006
It should be sad, but isn't... more whistful... I love the feeling.
| poetic abortion chapter 1 . 7/31/2006
The title and poem itself is just a wonderful example of irony. I don't know how many times I've said it and things have changed; I guess it is just inevitable.
Your imagery is simply to die for - "sunburnt grass," really had me - and I can't help but see how much the styling helps to make this more powerful and real to the eye-mind. I adore the second stanza, it screams innocence and the beginging of something called drifting and it just makes me hurt all in the right ways.
Deep, nastaligic and just so damn beautiful-powerful.
I love it.