Reviews for Test of the Sword
Darkshadow-lord chapter 2 . 5/28/2009
Nice Story! I really enjoyed reading it!
GothicPheonix chapter 2 . 9/2/2006
That was AWSOME, I really like everything you write! Too bad in CA, they aren't supportive(yet) of same gender marriage.
Harry2.0 chapter 2 . 8/9/2006
A very nice ending. Honor is maintained for Laura, and that RAT of a wastrel has been shown for what he is. Maybe we will see MORE of this story in the future!
Lccorp2 chapter 2 . 8/9/2006

T'alnoth of the Gold Flight:


-Nothing ever new has been done with this storyline ever since the dawn of fantasy writing. The story played out exactly as I expected it would, another example of wish-fulfilment fantasy. So called "strong" (no, I don't call beating up people proof of strength) protagonist gets her comeuppance against the evil people.

-Try to remember the number of teenage girls in fantasy who have zits, pimples, or any other form of acne- or, for that matter, oily skin. Try to remember the number who have hair that gets dirty when they wander through a forest, or wounds that actually leave scars, or bruises that get mentioned more than once.

Not very high, is it? This despite the lack of skin creams, advanced medical treatment, or shampoo in most fantasy worlds. Amazing!

Teenage boys in fantasy sometimes seem more realistic, since authors like to describe them as "gawky," "awkward," "coltish," and will sometimes talk about a pimple-faced boy staring in awe at our heroine. However, these characters are almost never the heroes. The heroes are produced from the same Flawless Skin and Hair Factory as the teenage girls.

Now, some people might argue, "Who wants to read about zits?" To which I would reply, "I would prefer to read about that to yet another sixteen-year-old teenager with flawless skin."

But of course the protagonists HAVE to be beautiful (and always by 21st century western standards), and the villain ugly, to tell the readers where their sympathies should lie.

-I've got nothing against homosexuality in general, but when people start preaching anything in their stories, instead of writing a story, it gets really irritating. If people are going to write pamphlets, let them do so-just don't pass them off as stories. Preaching about global hetronormativity and "gay people are wiser/more sensitive/more intelligent than YOU" get equal amounts of scorn.

-Ooh. and Her father, who just happens to be a nobleman, with far more experience than her in the law, and it's his job to know something about it (if your nobles are anything like european ones, which they seem to be based on), and he conveniently overlooks this old law which trumps his decision, eh?

*Mutters* Stupid and incompetent villains.

-If noblewomen in your society, as you imply, are little more than marraige pawns, then why is Laura thinking differently, presuambly when she's been born and bred in a society like that?

Don't just inject modern morals into your story like that. Think about the culture of your fantasy world, have people behave in accordance with their culture. If they're thinking differently, explain why.

This is why I never found Salvatore's Drizzt Do'Urden a convincing character. All the Dark Elves are supposed to be evil, but *gasp* he's DIFFERENT, and it isn't explained why, when he's been raised in such a society.

-All of the characters are stock characters, cardboard cutouts, two dimensional. I really wonder sometimes why some authors are so dead-set against people emphatizing with their villains, too. Laura falls neatly into the "Feisty girl" pigeonhole. All the other characters seem to have no lives of their own, they exist only as hinderances, helps, or rewards for the heroine. Shells and satellites, shells and satellites.

-Contradiction here. you repeatedly describe Laura as "slim", but you have her wield a bastard sword.

Have you any idea how heavy medieval weaponry was? Longswords and above required considerable upper body strength to use.


A bastard sword is NOT slim. And if it were slim, it would not be heavy enough to sever anything. And it would not be heavy. AND it takes considerable strength to sever any bones, even with a heavy weapon like a Barong. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Either give up that slimness, or have mere flesh wounds.

But I suppose "research" is out of the question. "Research"? What's this thing?

-Ooh. He twists the knife in her leg.

Why is she still even STANDING? She's going to be more than just "limping a bit".

Nah, again..."Research"? What's that? Oh yes, we can't let the heroine lose, because that wouldn't fit into the wish-fulfilment fantasy!

-Yeah, yeah...just bring the healer, wipe out all traces of the injury. Everything's happy, no price is paid.

-And her father...he's acting completely OOC. His daughter has repeatedly gone against his wishes, physically harmed him, then publicly dishonoured his family...and he rolls over like a puppy dog and acedes to her.

Yeah, right. One word: Disownment.

At the very least, I'd love to see him whup her little ass in a duel (but you know, she'd win, despite him having far superior experience, because of Atuhorial Intervention.)
Don Vladimir chapter 1 . 8/9/2006
Excuse me I meant 30 words
Captain Kurt Hoffman chapter 2 . 8/8/2006
Interesting. Though short, it was good.

I didn't know who made V for Vendetta, by the way, thanks for the information.
Don Vladimir chapter 1 . 8/8/2006

I would suggest, and follow at your own peril, to not intoduce so many characters in so few words. I count 6 characters in 30 words. Dont get me wrong it was easy to follow, but I hardly know one before another is out.

Laura seems strong, which I know you intended. But as of right now she seems deceptive. I dont know if I like her or not, because it seems, that she is a schemer just like the men who are courting her. I dont know if this is what you want or not.

Finally, father marrying off daughter plot has happened a million times. We all know this. I am not saying its a bad idea (I love this plot), what I am saying is that it would be good to really try and make it unique. I leave that you your devices.

Of course my advice is mine, and dont feel that you are doing anything poorly. Because I like it. Take everything I say with a big grain of salt.
Harry2.0 chapter 1 . 8/4/2006
Very nice Shane! I like the way that you have this young lady showing off her knowledge of the old ways. Now, lets see if her sword play is as sound as her brain.