|Reviews for Living Yet Unaware|
| Brittany Macabre chapter 1 . 2/10/2008
Personally, I like this poem. The rhymes are somewhat clever, and it flows rather nicely.
However, I don't feel like you really tapped into what it is to actually suffer from insomnia.
It seems like this poem was written after maybe two nights of sleep deprevation.
Why not go deeper? After a week without sleep, there is a war going on between your body and your mind. It's quite an epic battle, in which your body basically declares war against your mind for withholding the Melatonin that it desperately needs, but your brain, like the dictator it is, forces the body to submit to it's supreme rule, manipulating your perception of reality, tricking your body into thinking that it's won, only to attack again.
| jimgoo chapter 1 . 9/5/2006
Buddy. Rhyming poems that tell a story are best when they have a consistent meter (and maybe a consistent rhyme scheme as well). C.S. Lewis wrote a book on this. Maybe you should read it. You know C.S. Lewis. The Christian Guy. All Christians like him.
Otherwise, this is a nice poem. It rhymes, it has line breaks-it's nice.
The next time you rewrite your profile, you really should avoid sprinkling it with the humor of a thirteen-year-old. It also won't hurt to learn the art of insults. It's really too bad God didn't make you pretty because you aren't half as intelligent as you think. Dam-I mean, DARN.
| scotti chapter 1 . 8/24/2006
I'm convinced that you were tramaticly traumatized as a child by an incident involving a TV set. It's ok, I don't want to know the details... I'm just kidding! In all seriousness its a great poem and nicely done... keep up the good work! Scottie
| tamarkaph2006 chapter 1 . 8/22/2006
| I-e-m-s chapter 1 . 8/8/2006
I'm a bit confosed with what's going on...It seems like the person is dreaming within a dream within a dream...Oh well! It's really well written! Keep it up
| Mr.Satire chapter 1 . 8/7/2006
I wrote an entire review and the internet cut off! ARG! I'll sum it up for you. 1) Awesome poem. I love the variating rhyme scheme. 2)Have you ever had a dream where you wake up only to find that you are still dreaming? Thankfully, these are only dreams. 3)It must be freaky to be unsure if you really committed the heinous acts you dreamed about. "Did I really just dress that ostrich up like Pee Wee Herman?" (cringe)