|Reviews for Knight in Battered Armor|
| Darke-of-Nothingness chapter 5 . 10/12/2012
Simple and brilliant. I love how you wrote the ending.
| Arim chapter 1 . 3/12/2008
First let me say, it was very refreshing to read the work of one with an understanding of prose. I just finished chapter 1. You definitely have a good voice. My only thing is really the fact that your plot in chapter 1 seems incredibly familiar. Man smoking in the corner of a tavern made me think of Aragorn in Bree, the cloak opening reminded me of Qui-gon in Tatooine. And, freakily enough, the princess in the tower reminded me of Shrek. Your writing is very good though, so I suggest that you take your plot that you already have, and twist it to make it different. You may do so in future chapters, but why not do it here when you are trying to draw readers in? First chapters are very important. Your knight needs to have a purpose of some kind, a reason for his choices. Specifically, he needs to have a deeper connection with the portrait of the princess if he is going to save her. He needs to have a strong attachment here at the beginning, or some kind of reaction. Maybe he would be repulsed by her and the old man’s got a manipulative way that convinces him to do it. You prob wouldn’t wanna do that cause I’m sure that would be a huge plot change, but you know what I mean? I don’t have a clue how he feels about the portrait except that she’s pretty. He needs a motivation to carry him into chapter 2.
I love your opening. Great job. I love how you are in the character’s head with “Perhaps cozy was…the inn was…cozy”
I started marking spelling errors, but there were too many, so spell check.
Words to seriously consider omitting are in parenthesis:
“debated this (apparent) irony.”
“no one seemed to notice (however), seeing”
“a table that wasn’t filled (nearly) to capacity”
“wiff of the tobacco (the man was smiking) and savored”
“head either in sleep or (in) deep thought.”
“to the sorry stuff” Define “stuff” here. It’s an iffy word choice. Instead, give us a sensory image.
“for surely had been there when he had” Add an “it”
Old wife’s tale is supposed to be old wives’ tale.
“I know many things that are no longer common knowledge.” When I first read this line, I thought that you didn’t have the word “common” in it, and I thought that it was a beautiful line. Consider taking the word out.
The end is too rushed. I don’t feel like it is justified being so rushed.
You have done a great job here. Tell me, how much editing have you done to this? It reads very well. Thumbs up.
| Rayne Maker chapter 5 . 11/2/2007
This is a good story-your idea is original in writing, yet, the idea of the hero being overlooked is timeless. The actual detail of the stroy, however, could go into so much more detail. Wouldn't it be even more tragic as the hero to fight your way to the damsel (as one always has to do), overcoming all those obstacles, and THEN, having overcome the dragon, you STILL don't get the girl? But, anyway, a good short story. I like the writing style.
| GRAYTEXT chapter 5 . 7/27/2007
A very well-written short story. The images within the story were vividly described; I could see everything. Mental pictures have always been my favorite part of reading a book, and your story was well worth reading. Keep up the good work.
| Long Island Iced Tea chapter 1 . 11/17/2006
| MirrorMask chapter 3 . 11/10/2006
Yay review time! Aside from how extremely short it is, it reminds me how good with words you always were. Keep it up!
| Mythweaver chapter 2 . 9/17/2006
a really good story so far, that's probably why I added it to my favourites. anyways keep adding and if i kind anything wrong with it i'll add consturctive critiscim. none so far though
| MirrorMask chapter 2 . 8/10/2006
Yup, it is indeed shorter, but still the content is good nonetheless! Your style of writing is good, and it continues to be moderately spread out, although the only real difference is they cut to the chase faster than the other chapter, especially going from point A to B. But that's not exactly bad. Well, enough rambling for me. Continue!
| Nemonus chapter 1 . 8/8/2006
The beginning of this story reminds me a lot of Aragorn and the inn at Bree from Lord of the Rings-anyway, your prose is good and interesting. "narled" as you have it should be spelled with a silent 'g' as the first letter. "strangers eyes " needs an apostraphe; don't worry, I just nitpick these things. "West" and the old man are also Lord of the Rings-ish, while the revealing of the gauntlet is Pirates-ish...I think that's ok, though it's what's coming to my mind as critique. Hmm...continue!
| Admerao chapter 1 . 8/7/2006
very very good start I like this story alot I dont think people are crities this its wonderfully written this must have taken you forever to write I was very pleased to read this keep it up
| MirrorMask chapter 1 . 8/7/2006
Ah, I get a strange euphoria being the first to comment sometimes. Anyways, I like it! It was evened out like a well-balanced breakfast! Mm...breakfast...Keep it up!
You know I'll be a frequent reader~