|Reviews for Every Stroke|
| Kurt Wagner chapter 1 . 8/20/2006
Hmm the last sentence is a bit awkward, its true. Maybe instead of repeating the idea of freedom twice, replace the first one by 'liberation'.
Oh! perhaps at the end seperate the idea into two sentences;
The ink from my pen,sets me free.
Hm? Hope I helped.
| Nobody-n-Particular chapter 1 . 8/12/2006
Hm, this one I'll have to think on to help you. It is hard to give it a very clinching last line - definitely don't repeat the word "free", a little repetitive (not in the appropriate way) But I like the rhythm throughout. I'll keep thinking, perhaps help you out.
| Singing After Dark chapter 1 . 8/9/2006
first off, you say the last line is awkward. if it's really what you want to say, it shouldn't be awkward, but I guess I can see how you would be wary. The poem is beautiful but if you need help on the last line...think about where where is this freedom coming from? Where is the pulsating beat that wants to be unleashed? If you ask yourself that...you've done it.
| InspiredSpider chapter 1 . 8/9/2006
I do actually think it's very good I think the problem with the last line is that it feels a bit blunt and the repetition of "free" from freedom to freed is out of sync. I'm being very critical though so don't pay too much attention to me, in fact if you didn't point out the last line in your summary i would have thought it deliberate anyway its good ~spider~