Reviews for Royal Love
Guest chapter 1 . 4/1/2014
It was interesting... But why the hell would you leave it like that?! lol good job i guess ;)
AlekGray13 chapter 1 . 12/21/2012
Fack! They were just getting to the good part...
Guest chapter 1 . 9/29/2012
You switched to third person, briefly, at one point, and there are a couple of things that you can do to make it read better, such as when you had the girl being cut across, instead of ' "But." ', having something more like ' "But-" ' implies that they would have continued to go on. But, that aside, they couple is kinda cute.
ScarletFlame23 chapter 1 . 7/13/2012
Alright, so I think this is really cute but there are a few things I think you should fix. You should start it out explaining the settings and what Fidel is doing. I mean, the story starts when Gabriel just walks up to him, but we don't know where they are until Fidel finally lifts them up to the bed, before that we had no idea what the room they were in looked like at all. Secondly, you keep changing between first and third points of view throughout the story, it's confusing because one moment you say umm, let's take an example from the beginning of Gabriel's point of view. You wrote it in first person in the first paragraph, when Fidel was taking off Gabriel's underwear, but then in the second and third paragraph you wrote in third person, and then in the middle of the fourth paragraph you go back to first. I think you should change that. And I like it. It's cute. :) Oh. I already said that... Oh well. :P
strayulove chapter 1 . 6/29/2012
I was reading this, expecting your average lemon and then i got to the end and i couldn't help cracking up. that ending was hilarious. 5 stars out or 5!
ThatTimeYouKnow chapter 1 . 3/2/2012
You keep switching from third person to first person, its both annoying and idiotic.
Doctor Demon Yaoi-Sama chapter 1 . 11/25/2011
Do u want me to kill u? YOU STOPPED THE LEMONY GOODNESS! IM ADDICTED 2 LEMONS INCLUDING THE FRUIT! UR STORY WAS GREAT but why? why? why stop the lemon? *sob*
Anonymous chapter 1 . 5/7/2011
I think that turned out horrble too. You should of kept going with the gay sex and not have that interrupted.
DevilDragon of Pain chapter 1 . 4/9/2007
Since you asked so politely for anyone reading this to submit a review, I shall. I'm usually not one for the one shot stories, but this one is good where it's at because it has a bit of comedy at the end. I'm sure you did edit this, but spell check is never enough with written work on computers. Computers suck when it comes to grammar, so always read your work carefully to make sure you didn't write down words that are close to the spelling you wanted, but are still correct words. (If you follow that, I salute.) I'll point out one of these. In the third paragraph: fourth sentence, the wording is really off. It says, "...received an angered bite to my stomach, and silent signal to move or, possibly lose it." It should probably read something like, "...received an angered bite to my stomach, a silent signal to move or - possibly - lose it." Essentially, this is a cute, sexy, funny one shot. I applaud you for having the guts to post it.

The Critic,

DevilDragon of Pain
ByTheStarsOfOrion chapter 1 . 8/14/2006
I liked it, but...

The points of views had me a bit confused. First you talk as the main character (I) then you switch and pretend you're watching the scene (his) and I was like WAH?

Anyway enough about that! MORE MAN ON MAN SECKS! ILU! bye.
Una Rundstrom chapter 1 . 8/12/2006
You want honesty...okay then...

That was amazing! I loved the way you described everything! Keep doing that...pretty please...for me

One bad thing...

You cut them off! *pouts* it was getting ood until that chick came in...lol

I cant wait to read more...thanks to you, Im hooked