Reviews for Fate Hates Us
Guest chapter 4 . 8/8/2012
This was terrible. the first chapter was engaging and build ties to a character you completely abandoned. start with the princess if thats what you want your story to be about.
Tristan Alkai chapter 1 . 6/5/2009
You may want to re-work this prologue slightly. You have changed your pen name again since then, and you refer to chapter 3 (pushed to 4 by the prologue) in future tense, and I see it on that list under the chapter arrow-menu whatever that thing is really called.

The first-person-switching-person style is not as unique as you (and I) would probably like, but it seems to me to be reasonably newfangled still. I think it's a trick we can both get away with well enough (in future tense, in my case, because the story that I will be writing that way isn't up here yet).

You said you return reviews; the piece on which I have the most need of those is called "A Beginner's Guide to Magic." I see in chapter 1 that you do have wizards of some kind, so my advice there will hopefully be of use to you.
Wyve chapter 4 . 3/27/2007
To lazy to log in. Very good. Ineresting. What was that story? The one with the french prince? Same thing with stealing even his identity. It was interesting. Is our charater a prince as well?
Casey Drake chapter 4 . 3/27/2007
Gotta love my ability to say exactly what I want to say in three words or less... XDD

ANYWAY... Heh. Thanks for the cliffhanger.

:) CD
Zozma chapter 4 . 3/17/2007
This is awesome! You really made my day, Square, really. I threw down everything as soon as I saw this. Well, about half an hour after I saw this. But still.

Apex is an awesome word. The subsequent sentencing is pretty gag-inducing, though, albeit utterly adorable. Oh. The rabbits are coming for him? Sorta like how the ring wraiths came for Frodo? Only more fluffy and cute?

Clever way of sorta stabbing the readers there, Square. I think it's hilarious the line, "nor live in a town with fluffy animals 'frolicking', least of all the rabbits." It's just so innane and non-sensical and hilarious. Very nice :P

I'm . . . confused. What's growing into the cell floor?

It's is own fault for being there. Jail cells always have air vents, even back in the middle ages.

"Rabbits, NO! Don’t leave me!"

heh heh

It's comforting to know that all the vile scumbags of the Earth who aren't caught and put behind bars and employed inside the jail and payed to keep them there :P. Being able to beat misfits is probably exactly why they took the job.

14 years! Jesus, what did the guy do? I guess it doesn't matter, if you can get your fingers caught off for stealing a small trinket then they'd probably give life time sentences out for loitering. How old is our hero?

Nine locks? I didn't think our hero was that competent of an escape artist.

"not even Ned the Other Guard"

heh heh

"Really, he ought to be more forceful and aim more kicks to the head if he wanted to take charge at all"

'I'm really feeling for this poor guy. Maybe I could be a little nicer to him . . . No, no, I think I'll just kick him a few more times instead.'

Oii . . . poor female prisoners.

Yikes. Our hero's in really crappy condition. I don't think his and Ayelle's shipper ship is going to work out. You really did a good job with the atmosphere of this part, though, great work.

Wait, that's not supposed to happen! He was suppossed to attack the guard at the last moment and escape! Blah, thanks a lot, Square.
Fresh Harvest chapter 4 . 3/17/2007
I forgot to mention in my review of the previous chapter that I thought the whole idea of a ball with masked suitors was a really interesting one, and one that moved the plot along well. I think the way you had Ayelle get engaged to Bruin was more interesting this time around. :)

This is a really interesting chapter, too. One thing I really admire about what I've seen of your writing is that you seem to have such amazingly original ideas. This was such a fascinating chapter, seeing what kind of a person Shareth is and what kind of conditions he's been in, and that whole bit with the mask was really eerie but also really creative and-well, fascinating.

So nicely written, overall. :) Can't wait to see more! Have a great week. :D
Fresh Harvest chapter 3 . 3/17/2007
Just one thing: "And what if I get another violent psycho that wants to be my wife?" I guess it should have been "wants to be my husband", since it's from Ayelle's point of view?

I really liked this, though, in a different sort of way. Ayelle was much less likeable in this rewrite-I only started to like her a little from the middle to end of this chapter. I think that's great, though-because it's kind of like Scarlett in Gone with the Wind; I didn't like her, and yet I cared what happened to her. That takes some measure of skill.

At first, I was making a mental note to ask you about the connections with "Barla"-but they were subtly woven in into this chapter. I really liked that-how you connected Mira's story to Ayelle's right from the start. It makes things less confusing and shaky than before.

Personally, I like Bruin better than I like Ayelle. :P But I guess we'll see how things turn out. Great chapter, though! And I shall read the next and review again :D

And thanks for the review reply! I love when authors take the time to do that, because it's just so nice. :) I shall try to review more often, as well.
Fresh Harvest chapter 2 . 3/17/2007
I'd kept this in the back of my head to reread, but never had the chance to do so until now. I'm glad I did! :) It looks really good so far.

It seems like Mira has more of a personality in this rewrite, and the characters and the circumstances are arranged in ways that it really brings out what the characters are like and what's going on, which helps us relate to them more. I think this was really well-written, the best of your three drafts, and definitely interesting.

"most quiet" should be "quietest", though, and I think it would make the narrative even more effective. :)

I'm going to keep going through all of the chapters, but since I haven't missed a kajillion, I hope you don't mind if I review them individually, so I don't forget anything that I want to say in the review. :p

Have a great day :D
pixy-dizzy chapter 4 . 3/17/2007
-squeals- YAY. I love how you've turned this part of the story completely around...but also maybe because I read previous versions so often that this is a welcome change, lol. No, kidding, you know I love this story.

This rewrite is definitely better written and more cohesive than earlier drafts; the characters are also more distinctive. And now Shareth's crazy. Woohoo! The part with the plate obscuring his face and everything totally reminded me of The Man in the Iron Mask. And lol; "gentility training" for the guards.

But I'm so happy you updated-geez, took you long enough! Haha. And hey, in chapter three...-hairy eyeballs you- I caught snerkiness towards Rapunzel...LOL. It made me laugh, though.

I'm really excited for Shareth's part though! It's probably going to be different now that Shareth has been pumped with testosterone and crazy pills, and I can't wait to see where you take the story this time! Please update soon!
Karine Dragon'sheart chapter 2 . 12/21/2006
Nice! I like the way this is going, and thank you for the review! It was much appreciated in my moments of insanity. _

Laters,

KD
Aryanda chapter 3 . 11/30/2006
i love this story! the only complaints i have are: ayelle's chapter was kinda dry; i liked mira's better, if only because she had more personality. and will you update soon? i want to see how the guy turns out next chappie! good luck!

-aryanda
Scales of Sapphire chapter 3 . 11/10/2006
Lol! 'WHY DIDN"T I SMELL THE EVIL?' that cracks me up.

I like this story so far, Mira and Ayelle both are strong characters with tons of voice. I cant wait till the next chapter.

Happy Writing!

Sapphire
turquoisewaters chapter 3 . 11/8/2006
i love this story, especially the interesting take on elves. I really like Ayelle since she's not perfect, spoiled, and realistically self-centered. It's so hard to find stories that sticks with that without making the characters unnecessarily cruel. please keep going and update soon!
marsalbione chapter 3 . 9/11/2006
You need to update. Very soon. I swear, you, Tracey and Patrick are all lazy.

Lets see...complement sandwich?

Ha, youve still got great emotional dialogues and thought. Especially in the Ayelle chapter. It was pretty funny.

Eh...cant think of anything. Lets skip this part of the sandwich, okay?

Like you said, youve improved your sentence structure alot. I dont think I caught myself thinking about it at all this time around.

I guess our sandwich is vegetarian or something...

I think Bruin's personality is pretty well defined so far, but I want to see more. So far he just seems like the Jafar type I suppose. Im sure we'll be seeing more of him if hes a big antagonist here.
sugarandspice91 chapter 3 . 8/29/2006
i love this girl. shes so random and self-centered and melodramatic and . qoute: i hate my life. no one understands me!" for a moment there i thought that was my younger brother talking and i was getting ready to grin evily at him while "accidenly" ramming him against the wall as i walk past. ehehe. that scene makes me very happy.

. she chose the evil dude.
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