Reviews for Eve's Daughter
Utah Dynamo chapter 1 . 7/6/2009
strangely i've already thought about the story of adam and eves children taking place like that and it didn't bother me i like it when brothers and sisters love each other instead of fighting and arguing and even killing each other. but be carefull who you let read this story many religious people will be offended by this.

think about noah nad his family their children must of been cousin and they had to commit cousin incest to contiune the human race.
tuieri chapter 1 . 1/20/2008
this is disturbing and beautiful.
TheAngelofhope chapter 1 . 2/17/2007
enjoyed this
Secrets.Within.Darkness chapter 1 . 9/23/2006
You should really consider publishing something. You are such a beautful writer. I can only wish to write this beautifully.
Broken Waiting Angel chapter 1 . 9/5/2006
I love this. Absolutly love it. It brought anger to my heart when the brother's were touching her, but I understood. Humankind is one big incest pool somehow. This was absolutly beautiful and touching, bringing a load of emotions.

Keep pace with your muse, you make beautiful work together.
Paramour-ing chapter 1 . 9/1/2006
i was thinking about my sister all through out this and i was disturbed at the concept. maybe it really isn’t that big of a deal but in our westernized culture it’s definitely been ostracized. you make it beautiful somehow. not wrong or disgusting, but beautiful. if not the sexual attributes of this relationship then the connection between these two siblings.
Eboniccinderella chapter 1 . 8/29/2006
That ending is so sad and it was really well written,though I do not believe that we all come from Adam and Bible says that Adam and Eve were the only people in the Garden of is to say if there were other people out there?

Keep up the good work.
Xibalba Blooms chapter 1 . 8/28/2006
I usually avoid all writing dealing with incest. But this was really, really great. You're one of the best writers on the site; you have an incredible gift. Also, your profile is awesome. What caught my eye was the "feminist, pro-choice, anti-religion, and liberal" part. There's something you and I have in common. Keep it up.
Gilee7 chapter 1 . 8/27/2006
Before I talk about this poem, I want to make a brief mention of your reply to my reviews for "Jew" and "Mel Gibson Poem." I know that's been several weeks ago now, but I want to thank you for the response, and for clearing up a few things. I actually hadn't heard about the shooting in Seattle. I try to keep halfway involved with what's going on in the world, but evidently I didn't watch the news that week or something.

Anyways, I could write more about all that, I guess, because I found a few things you said very interesting. For instance, how you used to be a Christian, which doesn't surprise me actually, because I don't think you'd write about religion so extensively unless you had a very personal relation to it, whether good or bad. I have a poem to review, though, and you probably don't even remember posting that review.

I find it very interesting that you posted this as a poem, even though it isn't, at least not in the traditional sense. There are no stanzas or anything like that, and it reads and looks like prose. However, the language you use makes it feel like poetry. Some writers are natural poets, even when they don't write poetry. I'm not a poet at all, but you are a Poet with a capital 'P'. No matter what you write, it feels poetic. There's just something about the way you mold words together. It's because of writers like you that they use the word "artist."

[Eve’s daughter kisses the rind of earth with two small bare feet; suckling the ground as though connected] I told myself I wasn't going to bother with the grammar stuff, because I'm sure that just annoys people. This isn't a freakin' English assignment. I just can't help it, though. I'm sorry. *Comma in place of the semi-colon*

[She is rail thin, but her breasts are two swollen orbs blooming.] Holy crap, that's one amazing image. You get like, five thousand points for "swollen orbs blooming." That's awesomely amazing.

[Her tiny fingers are folded into the mangled flesh of her brothers callused hand (holding tightly.)] I don't even have to say why I'm pointing this out, because you already know, since I'm always getting on to you about this.

[At night, when the stars burn hazy black, and the moon bloats to it’s chipped fullness she falls asleep to dream beside those brothers.] *Comma after "fullness"* And wow, this is a beautiful sentence. This piece is so image heavy. It's as if each sentence is the stroke of a paint brush.

[When the sun burns hot she wakes to the sour hint of blood between her legs.] "Sour" is such a perfect word choice here; it opens up our senses where we can actually SMELL the blood. The smell of that . . . stuff . . . is very distinct and strong. It always lingers in the bathroom anytime some chick has been in there during that time of the month.

[Eve’s daughter puts leafs between her legs and curls her small body up like a wrinkle to avoid the pain.] Leaves with wings! The first tampex! LOL. Again, another amazing sentence.

[Her tiny fingers are folded into the mangled flesh of her brothers callused hand (holding tightly.)] I love the repitition of this.

[At night she lies still and quiet; forgotten in the encampment of brothers who sleep beside her.] *Comma in place of the semi-colon*

[She watches the sky fold within itself - she watches it change and turn. The stars are curved like a hip bone above her.] I'm like, amazed at how beautiful each sentence is. This poem/story is so very well-written. It's perfectly constructed. I could imagine you sweating over each and every sentence, although I wouldn't be surprised if it all came to you in one string of genius.

[He hears a whimper, and puts his hand on her face] I found this sentence a little out of place, since every other sentence in the story is kinda from the POV of Eve's daughter. We're behind her shoulder the entire time, knowing what she's thinking and feeling; and suddenly in this sentence we're hearing what the brother hears. That doesn't work.

[He moves with a pattern like the ever changing sky above them.] There are several mentions of the sky and night and stars and such in this poem; I guess that's meant to kinda symbolize heaven and God's ever-watching eye, or something.

[He kisses her to baptize the morning.] "Baptize the morning," I love that.

[A hand enclosing before she breaths in to feel his weight on top of her.] *breathes*

[He touches her center with firm hands and kisses her breasts with hungry lips. He moves in waves over her, and she sucks at his shoulder.] You are so good at describing sex scenes. Very rarely do they feel dirty. You might occasionally use a "dirty" word, but the writing never feels vulgar or pornographic. You always write the sex-related stuff in a style that's very sensual and comforting.

[There is yelling, and fighting when he is told and Eve’s daughter falls into the grass weeping.] Don't need the comma; it kinda disrupts everything. The whole sentence feels a little awkward. I'd suggest re-wording this one.

[Eve’s brother’s circle her] *brothers*

[Eve’s brother’s circle her, there are now two dead bodies in the meadow and there is blood seeping into the earth.] This time you really do need a semi-colon in place of a comma.

[She sleeps in the sunlight, and then in the moonlight] I like that. It's simple yet still really poetic and beautiful.

[and in her cold hand she can feel the callused weight of her dead brothers hand.] *brother's*

[(her brothers bones are yellowing in the meadow)] *brother's* For some reason this sentence didn't jump out at me during the first read-through, but it sure did this time. Very striking image.

[When dawn first rises (her brothers bones are yellowing in the meadow) she feels the ripple of pain stretch across her abdomen.] *Comma after (meaning outside) the parenthesis*

[Her knees wobble and she moans feeling life slide from her center.] Slightly awkward sentence, although a comma after "moans" might help a bit.

I'm glad to see that none of your reviewers were offended, although I don't see why they would be. Back in middle school, during our intellectual and deep seventh-grade discussions, I remember people debating and talking about this whole Adam and Eve thing and how we're derived from incest. Aren't humans like the only "animal" where incest isn't okay? I mean, dogs and cats and all other animals just hump whoever, whatever, no matter if it's their sister or mother. A couple weeks ago- (and don't ask me how I got on this site because I really don't know; I was probably up to no good, though)- I was on some site that was talking about how breast-feeding is an act of incest, and the first sexual experience for a child. It was a very intriguing read. Also, supposedly, there are some tribes where women, while breast-feeding, will fondle the baby's penis until it become erect; the mother will then rub the baby's penis across her ... downstairs area. That actually kinda freaked me out. And I don't even know why I'm talking about this. I guess your story/poem made me rememember all that.

I think I've already made it clear how much I love this piece. It's so well-written, so beautiful. And it's so poetic, without really BEING a poem. The imagery in this is fantastic. I can't think of any other piece of writing where the imagery was this striking, at least not with such consistency. Every sentence of this piece was perfectly-constructed. The whole thing is sensual, beautiful (how many times am I going to use that word?), intelligent, sad. You totally nailed the bond between Eve's daugther and the main brother in the story; I could feel how strong their love/connection was, and it wasn't just about sex, even though that's all we really see them do.

An amazing, amazing piece, Juliet. I've noticed you haven't been posting with as much regularity as you used to. That could be for any number of reasons, and for me it's kinda good since I can never keep up with you anyway. I have a feeling you're probably like me, and that you write way more than you post. At least I hope that's the case, because I hate to think that you're going through any type of writer's block. Or maybe you're just taking extra time to knock every story/poem out of the ballpark, like you did with "Eve's Daughter."

It's hard for me to rememember every piece I've read of yours, but this is definitely one of my favorite pieces I've read in a while. Like I said earlier, it's true art.

Write on, Juliet. (I hope we really are created from incest, just so I can call you my sister.)
Lady Glass chapter 1 . 8/24/2006
Wow. I come across your poems so often and sometimes I read them and I am always left in awe. Your unique approach to your poetry is very refreshing - and this is coming from a Christian.

I have always felt the need to point out when I review that I do believe in a lot of things with the Christian religion (the basics, there is God, there is Jesus, and he came from Mary). I don't know why.

This was heartbreaking and the picture that each sentence brought to my mind was beautiful.

"Her one hundred brothers braid holly root and weeds into her tangled hair..."

This was my favorite line.

Amazing!

Much love and BIG KISSES,

Steph
Paintedancer101 chapter 1 . 8/24/2006
I wish someday I'll be able to write like you do. From reading this, i was taken away to some other place where love is different from here. Where the bond between brother and sister seem so much better, yet so wrong. I look forward to reading all of your work, and becoming a writer like you. I wish you the best of luck on your upcoming work.

Willow
Written chapter 1 . 8/22/2006
Beautiful ending. Absolutely gorgeous, and it seems like you are well versed in a sometimes scary story.
Toothache chapter 1 . 8/20/2006
Oh wow. Breathtaking work, as always.
Kassia Scarlett chapter 1 . 8/19/2006
I am speechless. This poem broke my heart. I am somewhat versed in the bible, many years ago I went to Catholic school. They taught us sin was Eve's fault. This is an amazing poem and so true. People edited this out of the bible, but if Adam and Eve were true, this was too. On a lighter side, I say to the people who believe such things, "If this is true, it explains why most people are stupid." Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem with us-Kassia
Elizabeth Bilberry chapter 1 . 8/19/2006
There's something about that line in your summery, "...we are all created from incest," that gets to me. The irony in your story, and the emotions are all thought-provoking and sadden me. Take care and continue writing.

EB
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