|Reviews for Book One: Chosen of Fate|
| Core Satiated chapter 2 . 10/8/2007
Another great piece!
I also want to follow this story...I think that you are on to something. I know that in most stories, the introductory period is more "pouring the foundation" with character introductions and introducing the challenges. I look forward to the fights and controversy yet to come. I am very eager to read your battle sequences, as I am a fan of your horror-style writing...I hope it's a little more graphic than people will expect! :)
| odman01 chapter 2 . 3/5/2007
Good writing style, very indepth descriptions. Characters so far seem generic, but hopefully the next chapters will distinguish them.
| Virage chapter 2 . 12/5/2006
Nice start, I like the descriptions and the "high-born" mood of the story at the start. I don't know about prophecy genre and your standard fiction, but I don't think that really matters too much at this point. There is no such thing as a truely original work when dealing with genres. As an author it'll be up to you to create something fresh and exciting to define this story from all the other ones. As some of the other guys said, it'll be up to your plot twists to blow people away, or characters, or something to that effect. I do like Rebecca and Phoenix though, they seem like a complimentary couple for such a journey. Though, you mentioned that Rebecca had a short temper? I saw absolutely none of that, she just seemed like a really calm and relaxed woman of refinement. It seemed more likely that Phoenix would have a short temper. But if you can play that out really well, then that might add to that freshness I mentioned. If you can pull it off and make it believable I think that'll make Rebecca an original looking character which would be awesome.
Characters are working well, the plot of the story hasn't really been revealed, then again it's only chapter one, and the setting of the story is pretty well established. I'll be looking forward to the rest of this whenever you update it.
| Kawaii Panda-Chan chapter 2 . 8/23/2006
I have to agree with dd08 somewhat, it's a fairly standard fantasy story, with a standard prophecy, and standardly beautiful heroines. However, your characters do seem to have their flaws and so far at least you can't tell which one is the obvious heroine (a.k.a. color-changing eyes or something along those lines).
I still like it, as there's very little else wrong with this. You seem to have your world fairly well planned out.
But, I must ask this. WHY DID THEY LEAVE THE GODDAMN ELF VILLAGE? -_- I wanna live in an Elf village. But please, why would they leave? I mean, is it 'just because'? Or is there a reason?
I myself have commited the deadly sin of sending my characters on a quest 'just becase', and absolutely everyone hated it. In fact, my friend made me delete the story and swear to never write another questing story that isn't a parody without giving the people a good reason.
Still, this is good, and it is going on my Favorite's list because it, despite some flaws, is a good story. Not terribly original (yet) but still, a bloody good story with good characters who have boy issues.
Please don't be offended by my reveiw! I still love you muchlys, and I hope you won't hate me...
Lots And Lots'a Love,
| Yume Pink chapter 2 . 8/23/2006
This is off to a nice start. I look forward to seeing Rebecca's fiery temper in future chapters, since it's a little hard to believe right now, lol... But I like her so far. Phoenix seems to be a pretty well-rounded character. Her point of view is very believable. Your style of writing fits your story well, and I enjoyed reading it.
| ShadowsWeaver1 chapter 2 . 8/23/2006
Are you trying to kill me here? i think that maybe you are. It's like payback for all those riddles and making you guess at what i'm planning that you have gone and sent these two on a journey which, though has a purpose, you choose to keep to yourself; and a direction, but again you keep to yourself. I want to know! You can't just leave it off like that! Give me something! Anything!LOL ok, i SUPPOSE i can wait for the next chapter, but this shadow needs some answers. So, i'll be gracious and babble my praise to you for this wonderfully crafted chapter and your beautiful use of words and thought, and the slight humor that was tucked in there as well (Moron, indeed!) and then i shall jump up and down with glee like a spoiled five year old for the fact that you have dedicated this chapter to i do expect some answers Lord-sama, and soon! Because i might go mad from anticipation ;PSo, is the statue in the town one of the champions that your prologue reffered to? is that why the town was always safe? I just KNOW there was a reason why you would mention the statue, and i wasn't just to drive people mad...or maybe it ! anyways, i need to stop thinking about it because there isn't enough story yet for me to try and put it togeather (though i do like a story that keeps some secrets untill the end, but which drops hints now and then for readers with a keen eye to pick out)So here i shall end this incredibly long review.I love it! Keep it up, and PLEASE let me know when you have the next chappie ByeShadow-sama
| diamond-dust08 chapter 2 . 8/22/2006
im back. lol, as for the 'standard' and 'typical' remark 95% of stories in Fiction Press are like that, so don't sweat it. it's the execution and the twists inside the story that interest me, not the originality (so to heck with those Mary-Sue character originality tests).
anyway while trying to proofread your work i only found one error (hooray to you).
"Death by sickness was strife in small towns..." maybe you meant "rife". XD
this is very well-written, but i can't still see any plot development as of yet, aside from Rebecca and Phoenix finally going out into the real world. i was quite impressed by your meticulous writing style; it seemed very refined and elegant, much complementary to these fine young ladies who, with their manners, seem to be highborn. Rebecca was, but Phoenix... hmm. i may have to see more of commoner or what we call "tavern" talk. this story also appeared to have a very polished surface with an engaging flow of words, smooth and pretty, but for all that there's little detail, aside from geography. i might also add that your Elves are... well, 'standard and typical'. very traditional, especially with that indispensable bow, the ethereal grace, and the green-and-brown color scheme for these forest-loving people.
not much to say or complain about. very effective style of wordsmithing; hooking and flowing. this is your strength; utilize it to its maximum potential.
until next time.
PS i wouldn't mind a return review, though. XD
| diamond-dust08 chapter 1 . 8/20/2006
interesting enough prophecy, but the events are too clear-cut which ruins a degree of mystery of the future. good wordplay, though, but without any semblance of rhyme it might have been better to use a prose prophecy. this is also quite short, but i expect that it will be filled some time soon.
as for the prophecy itself it's very high-fantasy, but remember that when you put up the story take care not to fall into the conventions of a prophetic doom and a prophetic savior. FP has a lot of that, and there'd be no sense in going against more established figures unless you have plot devices in hand. the prophecy describes a lot of goings-on in great words, but it's as standard and typical as it gets.
write more soon.
| Yume Pink chapter 1 . 8/17/2006
I like it. I'm interested to see how this prophecy is going to unfold in later chapters. Of course, it's too early to make too many judgements, but I did like your word choice for the prophecy and the way you spaced it out. I look forward to seeing the rest of this.
| Sakka-Fenikkusu chapter 1 . 8/16/2006
Honestly, that prophecy isn't very interesting to me right now, but you can just attribute that to my mood. I'll keep on reading anyway though because I understand how my current mood distorts my viewpoint of different kinds of writing. I'll review again after the next chapter comes out.