|Reviews for french kisses|
| electrical moon chapter 1 . 4/21/2012
Wow, great poem! I loved the imagery!
| smoke another grin chapter 1 . 7/25/2011
your writing is utterly utterly beautiful.
| Aurora Corona chapter 1 . 4/2/2009
Wow... just, wow.
Your writing just seizes me and the imagery and description and similes and metaphors (and other writing techniques unbeknownst to me) is absolutely amazing.
Holy cow. I'm jealous! Such talent and skill just about made my jaw drop to the floor.
I'm to much of an amateur to offer any constructive criticism, so all I'm offering is praise :D
| Icyfire4w5 chapter 1 . 3/19/2009
I like your style, because it is like a whiff of fresh air.
"He wiped away an eyelash from my cheek"
Wow, a vivid little detail.
| YoursMarilyn chapter 1 . 6/4/2008
the sadness and emptiness makes me want to cry. you're an amazing person, don't think less of yourself, please.
| Juni chapter 1 . 4/21/2008
Wow, this one is really amazing. I really regret not having checked up on you for such a long time, you posted some amazing poems while I was gone. . .
Your writing somehow reminds me of Francesca Lia Block; so vivid and abstract and REAL despite the magic and beauty inserted into such mundane scenes. This was so lovely. And sweet, with the wiping an eyelash from her cheek.
One thing that I've noticed, though, is that you tend to say loose instead of lose. . . just thought I'd point that out for you.
| axis.on.a.tilt chapter 1 . 11/18/2006
"His kisses were like the shooting stars pinned above us, electric..."
That is an amazing line.
| no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 9/26/2006
Wow. You have this way of creating imagery that's so magical and sensual and this is just beautful. I don't even know what to say, because this is all gorgeous. I have to favorite this piece. Keep writing! :)
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 9/17/2006
I love this.. its less abstract than your usual work, but still beautifully described.. the whole fourth stanza was amazingly beautiful... awesome piece
| Gilee7 chapter 1 . 9/17/2006
That's one hell of an opening stanza!
[In the wild glow of the 2am bar night light his] *2 a.m.* Also, this line feels like it's one word too long. I'd get rid of the word "night." You don't need it, and it just bogs down the rhythm. Also put a comma after "light." I think "his" should be on the next line anyway. That's something I've noticed lately in your poetry that I don't think I ever paid attention to before: your awkward line breaks. I'm no poet, but I think you sometimes choose to break the line at the wrong moment, at the wrong word. But hey, what do I know?
[as he trailed Goosebumps along my quivering skin.] Why is "goosebumps" capitalized? Are we talking about R.L. Stine's Goosebumps instead of actual pop-up-on-your-flesh goosebumps?
[bite on his / marshmallow lips.] M, marshmallows . . .
[I writhed on the sand as he / squeezed dew drop aches of pleasure out of me] "Writhe" is a great word choice here. It's weird how sexual that word is in this context; and yet, in a horror story, the word "writhe" would make me cringe.
[we exploded in a kaleidoscope / of sighs and groans and moans and soft little / barely there murmurings that floated away like / bubbles on the soft early morning breeze.] This whole stanza is freaking outstanding, but I especially like these lines here. "Kaleidoscope of sighs and groans and moans ..." is very sexy and cool and unique.
[Dishevelled, I blew my messy after-sex-hair] Don't need the hyphen after "sex."
[out of my face while he lit his after-sex-cigarette] See above.
[He wiped away an eyelash from my cheek] This is a cute little image. Not many writers would be able to visualize the scene well enough to put such a tiny detail into their story/poem. So yeah, great job with this. Little things like wiping an eyelash from somebody's cheek makes the writing feel so much more real.
[and it now was my fingers that peeped out] I'd swap "was" and "now."
Nice poetic ending.
I notice somebody said something about the whole "again and again" line, and how you should use it more in the poem for it to be truly effective. I think I agree, actually, which is odd for me since I usually read reviews and disagree with everything other people have said. Nevetheless, I agree that the "again and again" repitition (even if it isn't EXACT, it's still close enough to be considered repitition), isn't that effective. I'd say either omit both, or insert it one more time into the poem, somewhere earlier. Like, maybe in the sex stanza.
This is a really good poem. The imagery is incredibly vivid, so much so that the poem is like a painting. I could see everything that was happening (and I do mean EVERYTHING). The rhythm is nice and subtle; nothing jars. I also like how the figurative language seems to have a theme, with everything involving the beach in some way, whether it be with the sea or the bubbles. This poem is very sexy, but not in a dirty, indulgent way. I don't feel like I just watched porn, in other words.
I also like how there's no sense of regret or guilt or sadness in the last stanza. Two total strangers met, got it on, and then went their separate ways. That seems like a fantasy scenario, since I can't imagine two people doing that in real life. I mean, I'm sure it happens, but the morning after would be much more awkward than it is for these two people in your poem. It's as if this is no new occurance for the guy and the girl; they're used to these one-night stands. Nobody's asking for a phone number or any crap like that.
Excellent job with this poem, citrus. Write on.
| lackluster chapter 1 . 8/30/2006
this 'he' reminds me of someone.
bittersweet, but that's lust and love for you.
| bipedalcooney chapter 1 . 8/21/2006
Beautifully written. Great imagry, your writing was very vivid. I love it.
| Aquafied chapter 1 . 8/21/2006
for a one night standit is beautiful
| you're so postmodern chapter 1 . 8/18/2006
Wow, this is really beautifully worded piece. In this scene, you give us gives us that really sweet and touched feeling. Keep it up.
| Atelophobia chapter 1 . 8/18/2006
Normally I wouldn't like poems about these kind of things, they become cliched after about 34782961 poems, but this, this was just amazing.