Overall, not bad. The overall plot is kind of clichéd, but it was still fun to read which is what its all about.

Too much swearing and bad language, other than that it's a fairly decent story.

God Bless,

-darqlyte

hm. a little slow, but i guess it's for character development, so keep writing!

unnerving, but interesting. it makes me curious. i will read more.

hey man your ideas are great but you need to work some more on the way you deliver them and make them more realistic(research). i am not trying to be mean, and i don't write very much but i do know a spark when i see it. if you work on it you could go you wanna get in touch so i could tell you more of my ideas on how to make your work better afrodude_90 where you can get a hold of me. keep the good work up :)